As a parent--is your fault when you did the best you could do to raise your child and then they turn out to be a"bum"--per say?? You and your other have done everything in your power to turn this young man around?? He lies--steals cheats and we believe it all for attention and be popular to have friends. Cannot prove it--but a $5,000 ring came up missing from his grandmothers house--she thinks he took it as he was the only one could have--since it just her, her husband and hin living there? Her husband is a truckdriver--only home every 9 days--he wouldn't do such a thing. But, why when you have tired a tried--does this keep happening??
2006-12-08 08:38:58 · 12 answers · asked by smeezleme 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My Father and stepmother done all they could but no amount of discipline would help.I was self centered selfish and down right mean.I finely come to my senses and grew up.By no mean's do I ever blame them on my failure's.
2006-12-08 09:22:26 · answer #1 · answered by I'm Jerry 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO. I'm assuming that this is a child who has reached the age of majority.As a man he must accept responsibility for his own actions.Just ask yourself did you tell him it was acceptable to steal, lie, cheat or act inappropriatel? My guess you tried to correct him when he did something wrong.He consciously chose the wrong path . You must not berate yourself because he would not listen.It is sad how many children chose the wrong way then blame their parents for not doing a good job. He will probably have to hit rock bottom and then,just maybe he will realize what he has done with his life.Try to accept you have done the best you could. The only one who can make him change is himself.He has to love and respect himself to want to change.You cannot make that choice for him.Try not to worry about him ,hard as it may be, for you can guarantee he is losing no sleep over you.Try find comfort in the fact as a parent you did the best that you could.Sometimes our best is just not enough. My prayers are with you.
2006-12-08 08:51:04 · answer #2 · answered by gussie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can do the best to instill values in a child but ultimately it is hers or his decision to make choices some bad and some good. When this happens it makes sense to stand back and let this child know that this behaviour is not acceptable and if they want to continue to be part of this family group they must conform and change. If not then you separate with love. By ignoring or condoning this behaviour you are just allowing it to continue. Go and buy a book by Melody Beatty on detaching with love and dealing with codependency. It helps and the great part is when you start to get better emotionally everyone else in the family has no choice but to become healthier as well. God bless and good luck to you.
2006-12-08 08:42:56 · answer #3 · answered by Deirdre O 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it is NOT your fault...this kid (or man) has made his own choices in life despite your guidance. What you need to learn to do is to release with love. To practice some tough love.To answer your question as to why it keeps happening? Perhaps someone is enabling his bad behaviors by always bailing him out of trouble...or not allowing him to be accountable for his actions. So the next time he gets into s fix, and he calls you, you let him know you love him, but he has to get himself out of whatever trouble he has gotten into.
2006-12-08 08:47:04 · answer #4 · answered by angeleyes 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only fault you may have is in not teaching him that actions have consequences and letting him suffer the consequences of his actions ... by bailing him out of trouble or enabling him by not following through with the authorities, he has learned that there are no consequences to his actions. Have him arrested.
2006-12-08 08:46:30 · answer #5 · answered by casurfwatcher 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something was done wrong somewhere in his earlier years. When young people turn out to be bums its usually the parents fault sorry to say.
2006-12-08 08:44:27 · answer #6 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He needs to get caught and get the poo scared out of him. My bestfriend Izzie, shes went through a stage where she hitch hiked, smoked pot, she did EVERYTHING BAD! shes had to go through peer court she learned her lesson. But she had a hard time giving up the popularity and all that but her like kwas being flushed away
2006-12-08 08:45:04 · answer #7 · answered by Bridget (ms. costa) 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard as a parent to watch your child going down the wrong road,but,they have to make their own mistakes and take the consequences of their actions.I know it's hard,but try not to give up on him,hopefully,he will realise the hurt he is causing his family.I know you cant see it now,but one day he might make you proud of him.
2006-12-08 09:51:54 · answer #8 · answered by silvergran 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
is he on drugs?...i mean y would anyone steal from their grandmother...there is nothing u can do to make the situation any better...i would seriously have the grandmother think about pressing charges on him even if she cant prove it...good luck
2006-12-08 08:46:55 · answer #9 · answered by Sean 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no it's not your fault .....its his . he chooses the path all we can do as parents is give love understanding and a firm grip...to give some freedom but not let go. maybe he need's counsling..good luck
2006-12-08 08:54:42 · answer #10 · answered by angelheart 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋