My Boys - Bad Behavior?

Question

Hi I'm a mother of 3 boys, 4, 8 and 13. I've been having some problems with the 8 year old. Well yesterday after school the 13 year old and 8 year old got into again for the 3rd time this week so I sent them up to their room for time out. They share a room and they started fighting again. So i went up there and got a little mad.

I told the 8 year old enough is enough and told him he was getting spanked (he had this coming a long time). So i grabbed the desk chair, hauled him over my lap, and gave him a good one on his bare bottom.

My 13 year old was laughing and thought this was funny. So I told I him "I don't know what your laughing at because your next." I wasn't planning on this, but after I was done with the 8 year old, I grabbed the other one and he put up a bit of the fight, but he ended up getting the same treatment as his brother.

I feel bad and am not sure i did the right thing.

Both my boys are still very immature. We don't spank any of the kids very often at all. Usually we ground them, use time outs or take away their things.

We warned the 8 year a couple of days ago and then I followed through yesterday.

I wasn't planning on spanking the other one until he ran his mouth and then laughed at his brother. He thought it was funny to see his brother get punished, so I thought it would be fair to return the favor.

I hadn't spanked the older one in probably almost a year, but it was probably a good reminder to him that he isn't too big to be punished. He struggled with me a little and squirmmed a lot more than his brother but the result was the same. After about 10 smacks he was crying more than his younger brother.

Answer 1

I think that you did the right thing. I hear all the time that spanking is not the answer, for me, I guess I am old fashion, and believe it should happen if that time comes. If all other options have been passed, there should be punishment for this. I have a 9 year old daughter and 4 year old son. My daughter has not been spanked since she was about 4. But if she starts in on me and I tell her it is coming, she shapes right up. My son on the other hand, all the time. He pushes to the max. I also take care of my little brother who is 9, and my nephews who are 12 and 6. Sometimes all of them will start in on each other, or gang on one. And things have to be done to keep order in a house. I feel bad every time my kids get punishment. Even yelling at them. But it has to be done. Good luck on controlling your house. Oh, and by the way, spanking is not against the law as some think.

Answer 2

Siblings fight thats just a part of growing up. When you send them to their room for time out it is a bit silly considering they share a room. You need to seperate them. You shouldnt feel bad for spanking them we all get to the point sometimes.
When my son was hitting my partners son I warned him 3 times that if it continued i would take him to the local police station. Does this sound dramatic??? maybe to some but it worked. He was spoken to and then locked in one of the cells for 5 minutes. He was inside howling and I was outside howling. The officer then spoke to both of us for another 45 minutes. This was not the first time I had taken my son to the station. When he was younger he would steal from the shops and again on the 3 warning I took him the the police. he hasnt stolen again and he gets on really well with my partners son.
This was a very hard thing for me to do and I had feelings of betrayal and thought I was a bad mother but I know I did this because I love my son and I want him to be a great human. Children need to know that when they step out of line there are consequenses lets just say that my son knows now. Also my son and I are close now more than before. I must also add that his school put him in an anger management course and that helped.
Please dont feel bad for loving your children I certainly dont.
Where is that manual on How to raise children???lol

Answer 3

Personally I don't believe in spanking children. Not because it "hurts" them, but because it shows them that problems can be solved with violence. It sounds to me like you don't approve of spanking your kids either, just by the way you try to justify your actions..If you feel this bad about it, then don't do it anymore. No it doesn't make you a bad person for doing it, because it is still really common amongst families. Try to find other ways to punish. Stick with the grounding and take away their things. If you still have problems then you should consult some professional help. Hope you feel better :)

Answer 4

i think you did the right thing in spanking th 8 year old but the 13 year old? it's not a good reason to spank him. If I were you i would have had a talk with the13 year old because he's laughing at you so he has no respect for you for the discipline you're giving them. Do this- instead of spanking- take things away from thema nd plan weekend trips to the mall or someting like that- fi they misbehave just don't take them where they want to go so badly. Or- you can do this- start giving them wekely allowances of about $5-$10 each depending on thier ages . When one misbehaves they won't get their allowance or get to go to chuck e cheese (the 4 year old). When the 2 little one's fight and you send them to their room you're not doing any good. You need to keep them separated. Depending on who started it- iw ould make one of them sleep in the couch when they fight so they know best not to .

Answer 5

My sis-in-law taught me the neatest thing. You see, she had 5 children -13, 11,9, 5, 1 So you can just imagine how busy her househole was. Plus her husband was a truck driver, on the road for long periods of time. So basically she was a single mother. To me she had the patience of a saint ( of course I didn't live with her either) but saints run out of patience also. Her 3 oldest kept aggravating each other one day, which finally aggravated St Melba. She told all three to sit on the sofa and hold each others hands. I thought they were gonna die. Hold my brother/sisters hand, when I am mad at them. But they did. They each sat their and tried squeezing each others hands, but they did it quietly, didn't want St Melba to catch them cause they knew that the next step was standing in the corner, where everyone could see them. They ended up sitting there about thirty minutes before they got bored with quietly torturing each other. St Melba then had them stand up and hug each other and apologize for being mean to each other. If they didn't want to hug & apologize then that person could take his seat back on the sofa till he/she was ready to do so. She taught me alot..........thanks melba

Answer 6

you know what, i use to get spanked. and i was also spanked for laughing at my brothers when they got spanked. i turned out just fine. im about to graduate college and start a family of my own. who cares. the sht deserved it. he was laughing at his bro. no matter what they been through, they should still feel pain for each other. my two brothers are my two best friends to this day. i would die for them! and sending kids to their room is not punnishment. i LOVED getting sent to my room. nobody bothered me and i had everything i needed right there. you need to take that away from them.

Answer 7

Listen, my parents didn't ground me, use time outs or take away my things. As long as me and my siblings didn't kill or hurt each other, they just let us be. But if they do physically fight or disrespect you, then gift them the hand. Cuz timeouts, grounding, taking stuff away don't help.

Answer 8

Sounds like you need some parenting classes to get a handle on these kids. Hurry- in a few more years they'll be juvenile delinquents.

Answer 9

have your hubby do it