Personal: Do you think I was too harsh?

Question

My parents got divorced almost 4 years ago when my mom found this other man. Soon after the divorce my dad had a steady girlfriend. The whole thing was hard since I was only 16.

The current situation is that my mother has let me move into her boathouse while she lives with her boyfriend. My father and I dont get along so it worked out for the best. Well every single day since I moved into her house she had called me almost every single day.

This week with finals, and work it was just too much. My mom calls me for silly things too...Every day three missed calls from my mom on my house phone and cell phone. I feel confined and constricted...Its driving me crazy!!! Here Im almost 20 and my mother treats me like a child!
So today I couldnt hold it in I exploded. I told her that her constant calling was driving me insane, for just one day I didnt want her to call. She took it so offensively and said its either she calls me everyday or I move back with my father...

What do you think?

Answer 1

It's her boat house so she can either allow you to live there or not. Unfortunately I think you still fall under the "roof rule". As long as you live under your parents roof, you need to follow the parents rules. You have 3 choices: Move in with your father, find your own place to live, or appologize to your mother and stay in her boat house. Realize that with technology today, you can choose to take a phone call or not answer it. I'm sure you have caller ID on both your phones, so when your mother calls, if you are busy, just don't answer the phone. Maybe you could take one phone call each day. Consider it the rent you pay for living in her house.

Answer 2

Being a mother of a 30 year old I can tell you I still worry about her. I don't call her everyday, I do give her space. Maybe you were a little harsh. Apologize for your out burst. Try to get your point across by having an adult conversation. Reassure her you have a good head on your shoulders because she raised you right, and that she doesn't have to worry about you so much. If she keeps the threat up to kick you out, then you need to find another place to live. Maybe you could find a roommate. Split the costs and have more freedom.

Answer 3

Your mother is being unreasonable and inconsiderate and I hope she realizes this. She also is probably so glad to have you close to her that she doesn't know she's smothering you. Maybe what you should've done days ago, was let her know how busy you plan to be in the coming days studying for finals. Beat her to it, call her first to check on her and get it out of the way. It's a good sign that even with a boyfriend, she still has an interest in you. Never let something intensify to the point you'll explode, deal with it the minute it presents itself. She was probably stunned by your reaction. What's old to you was new to her. Do appologize to her, that way you acknowledge what you could've done to avoid this uncomfortable situation and then she'll have to do the same. It shoudn't come down to her issuing an unrealistic ultimatum.

Answer 4

First off be glad either Mom or Dad can and Will take you in, some people don't have that luxury.
Secondly, yes you did need to express your feeling of being overcrowded with her, but a little more tactfully might have worked better.
Look at it this way, maybe SHE is feeling out of sorts and gains pleasure from you by admiring you, looking out for you, making sure you don't make the same mistakes she may have made.
Best solution now; try to confront her with this problem the same way you presented it here. Try your best to open the doorway of communication. Once it closes it is really tough to re-open it! Explain to her that lets say Monday is class and you are not available, or call between 7pm to 8:30pm. Try to limit the call not extinguish them. Tell her your schedule and suggest that the three of you have dinner say Saturday night or something. That would give the opportunity to talk . I'm sure you'll figure this out. Best wishes and good luck.

Answer 5

Even though you are not a child, you will always be your mothers baby. Do you think she might just be worried about you, or she might just be lonely. She only needs to call you once a day or once every two days at the most. But, maybe having coffee once a week with your mother for some catch up time, just to let her know how your doing might work for both of you. I would tell her that you will call her in the evenings when YOU have time to chat.

Answer 6

I think you just said what you had to.

What you could do now is just try to have a calm talk with her. In a public place like a restaurant may help to keep both of you in check. Just explain to her that you love her and all , and you like talking to her but you feel confined or that she treats you like a child when she calls so often. It will come across better if you say it without any anger in an environment where there'll be no argument. Maybe its just her way of trying to have a good relationship with you, maybe she senses that you were hurt by the divorce and all the drama and she just wants to say she's there for you.

If you can comfortably afford it maybe you could try renting an apartment or sharing with a roomie. If you plan to leave don't do it just now try to wait until you both calm down, so you can maintain a relationship with her even if you don't live there.

In the future it may be better not to keep stuff bottled up and talk about things when they annoy you. Its easier to stay calm that way than to wait until its 'too much'

GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 7

First apologize to your mother and tell her that you dont feel she is giving you the respect you need as a student who is serious about her studies. You appreciate her help at this time and it has helped you have some peace of mind. But if she really feels that she cannot respect your wishes and let you stay at home then you need to find your own place. As long as you are keeping the rules of the house laid down in her house you can ask for some respect when you are studying

Answer 8

I think you could have expressed your feelings using different words. I know that sometimes mom's cant let go, but I'm sure she would have understood that you need some space. You are most likely going to have to apologize if you want to stay in the house boat. Let her know how you feel about her calling too much and how you are trying to focus on your finals. I'm sure she will understand where your frustration is coming from.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

Your mother is being unreasonable why cant u just explain that u have exams u just made it heaps worse for yourself. Have u ever thought that your mother is lonely this is a great opportunity for u to get a good relationship going with her. Go have a heart to heart with her now.