I have been lazy lately - not bothering to go out much and my job has folded up so I'm in alot more. I've begun a new relationship and I'm trying to do more so's I appear to be more interesting. But part of me thinks he should accept me as I am, warts an' all. Should I make the effort, or just see if he likes me as I am?
2006-12-08 05:14:24 · 19 answers · asked by Peace 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
yeah, officially, you should just be who you are, warts an all, cos it all comes out eventually!
But...
I do know what you mean, I think it also makes sense to be on your 'best behaviour' when first in a relationship - not be something you're not, but of course you want people to see the best in you, cos that's what they're going on. You have to be realistic and realise you're not seeing one of your old mates who knows how fab you are, neither are you in a film when a man thinks every single thing about you is cute and endearing, cos lets face it, these men don't exist!
I would be yourself most definitely, but I wouldn't be too mopey, moany, whiney etc as it's not a turn on. I'm not being harsh or reccommending anyone lie about themselves. It's just I was recently seeing someone and they got all moany and moody nearly straight away, I couldn't end it fast enough, you do want someone fun and interesting, that's what's gonna get you to the next level
Good luck!
2006-12-08 05:31:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should put the relationship on hold until you make yourself into someone YOU respect.
If this guy wants you when you're not up to par, then what happens when you get a new job and find a different group of friends?
Go for the man who wants you when you're at the best and don't take second best just to have someone.
To DARKFOX: If a man doesn't want you to change. Get rid of him. Life is change and that is a fact. You will not and cannot stay the same forever. You will only end up with a headache with a man like this.
2006-12-08 13:21:56 · answer #2 · answered by KD 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no harm in using this new relationship as a springboard to make your life more interesting, not for him, but for you! If you know you've been getting lazy there is no harm in trying to do more. If it has the side benefit of making him more interested in you as well, then great.
I am doing a similar thing right now, but it is less to impress than a conscious effort to stop myself getting caught up in things and forget my own life.
2006-12-08 13:55:59 · answer #3 · answered by teary chocolate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would see about those warts, but I think to a healthy degree when you begin a relationship you should be upping your game. Years in if it gets that far you will be comfy and farting your little buts off but the fact you ask this question makes me think you are not getting carried away in emotion and for that I say that is too bad.
You will know when you meet the right person
2006-12-08 13:19:15 · answer #4 · answered by maz m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you mean should you make the effort to be someone your not? Oh NO WAY GIRL! You had it right the first time, if he's the right guy for you he'll accept you with all your flaws. Because and here is a HUGE BECAUSE....He can't BE THAT PERFECT! unless he's God. We all have our flaws if you can accept his he should be able to accept yours. Do what makes you happy other wise you will end up miserable.
2006-12-08 13:18:58 · answer #5 · answered by SecretFriend 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, yes I have found myself in this situation with my previous relationship, but now that it's over I know that changing myself wasn't right. The relationship I am in right now for some reason the girl doesn't like to talk to me much at school, but come weekends it's all good. I am not really happy with it so instead of trying to make myself happy I am just going to be myself and tell her that I am not happy with things. If hell breaks loose, hell breaks loose, but she has to know the true me. And who knows she could feel the same way. Same with your bf he could feel that he has to change also. Just be yourself and if you want to discuss it with him that'd be a good idea because communication is always good in relationships.
2006-12-08 13:19:58 · answer #6 · answered by Mr. Untouchable 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is probably the reason most relationships fail. One or both present themselves as something other than what they actually are. This farce can't be maintained forever and your partner will feel that you have been dishonest (and you have been). You aren't alone in this, most are guilty in this regard. If you want a long term relationship keep it honest and you can be yourself.
2006-12-08 13:21:32 · answer #7 · answered by dano 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should just be who you are. Don't look like a complete slob or anything... but mostly be yourself. Because you want him to fall for YOU and not some person you're PRETENDING to be. Afterall, if you end up pretending now, you'll be pretending for the rest of your life.
If he doesn't like the person you are, then that's just too bad. It's his loss. Someone else will fall for the person you are.
2006-12-08 13:16:47 · answer #8 · answered by ( Kelly ) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
everyone shows there best but with that the real you will reveal , let time tell. the one for you will tolerate you and you will do the same, try finding out if you may like him
2006-12-08 13:18:06 · answer #9 · answered by cece 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I always start with the philosophy 'start as you mean to go on'. that way you find you haven't wasted time and money on someone who's not going to like you for who you are!
2006-12-08 13:17:03 · answer #10 · answered by Natalie B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋