Changes in my boyfriend since his grandpa died?

Question

My bf of a year a bit, grandpa died after a long battle with cancer. He was extremely close to him, he would drop anything and go help him if he needed it. And I think the death has hit him harder than he even realizes. But ever since his grandpa passed away, he has withdrawn from me. He thinks we are just fighting more, but yet we never fought before really. And nothing else in our lives has changed.

He is drinking more, and is nasty when drunk. He says things like "I dont care about anything, anyone anymore", or "I could die tomorrow, thats life", or "I should just drive the car into the ditch". He says it likes it's a joke, but Im not laughing.

With me he suddenly says he loves me, then he says he is a different person now and doesnt love me. Then he says he forgot that he even said those things. Mean well Im left hurt and confused. He says things like I dont know if I want to be with you, but then says well I havent left have I? He says he doesnt mean to hurt me.

HELP!

I ran out of room! I just wanted to add...we use to get along great, we had fun, we went places, we were like two peas in a pod. I really cannot think of anything else that could have started this.

But I want to work this out. I need all the advice I can get. Do you think this is due to his grandfathers death?

And what can I do to help?

Do I leave him? Do I tell him I am here for him and I want to work things out with him...even though he is hurting me ALOT?

How do I deal with his hurtful words? I mean I feel like a ragdoll being pulled through "I love you" "I dont love you" and I forgot I said that.

I feel like I am going to be so hurt from this that I might not be able to be strong for the both of us.

I really truly believe he isn't acting like himself, but how can I even try to make him realize that? Or can I?

Do I just say "Im going to stick around, because I think you are going through something right now. And I dont think you are being yourself? But I wont be treated badly just because you are feeling bad. I am always going to be here for you though. And I will listen to anything you want to talk about. And I love you"

Answer 1

GIVE HIM HIS SPACE, YOU BOTH NEED A SEPERATION FROM EACHOTHER AND HE DEFINITELY NEEDS TIME TO HEAL. GIVE HIM HIS SPACE, AND IF HE REALLY LOVES YOU, WHEN HE IS READY, HE WILL COME RUNNING BACK TO YOU IF HE REALLY CARES.

Answer 2

He needs help. He is not dealing with his loss in a healthy way. If someone is saying things about killing themselves or not caring about anything, they are depressed and they should be taken seriously, joking or not. Its called Situational depresssion and it doesn't mean that he is a depressed person all the time, its just that sometimes life happens and gets you down and you need a little help coming out of the hole. He could need medication for a little while, maybe 6 months or so, that's what my doctor did for me and I feel alot better. It is hard to get someone out of something like this and have them ask for help. Suggest to him talking to his doctor. He doesn't neccessarily need counseling but he does need help before he kills himself. Good luck, and be supportive!

Answer 3

This is bad. I know exactly where he's coming from and where it looks like he's headed too. But I don't really know what can be said as far as you helping him. I guess you could start by telling him that you love him but you aren't going to be affected anymore by his loss. He needs to grieve which is always a delicate suggestion when dealing with a proud man. But you really can't help him thru that process unless he wants you to. Maybe start with a head on question. "You are hurting me by expecting me to watch as you hurt yourself. Is this really what you want or do you want help?"

Grieving is a process, not an event and many people think they should be able to just suck it up and go on. It just doesn't work like that.

Well I guess after saying all that I'll have to close with this. There is no magic bullet here. Everything will have to stem from his responses as he goes along. On one hand I really do think I could help him because I have just had to learn the grieving process lately myself. On the other hand if he wanted help I think he would have been the one to post this question.

Confused enuff yet?

Answer 4

sure, he's there interior you, interior your concepts, and could consistently be there to lead you. you opt for basically to declare farewell to his actual presence and you have already all started doing that by using writing a poem. often times while we at the instant are not allowed to declare so long or not taken to a funeral we are in a position to make our very own letting-pass rituals. you should write down each thing you remembered and enjoyed approximately him (that is going to take a little time and make you cry - a organic healer). then you incredibly can print it out and symbolicaly enable it pass: possibly down the river, out to sea, scatter to the winds, bury interior the soil below a plant which will flower each and each 365 days... it's going to be ok you could now enable pass on your guy or woman words. possibly that's what he needs you to do and why you published your question right here?

Answer 5

Your boyfriend is having a tough time dealing with his grandfather's death. He is going through his mourning stages, but he's handling it in an unhealthy manner--unhealthy for him and unhealthy for you. Has he talked to anyone about it? Whether it be you, his family, or his friends? One of the best ways to deal with this kind of thing is to talk about it with others who also knew his grandfather. If the death happened fairly recently, he may just need some time and space for himself to think and come to terms with it. However, if it has been awhile, and he is still behaving this way, the only thing I can suggest is going to see a therapist/psychologist. To me, it sounds like he just needs to talk to someone about it. As for now, just try to be supportive (which I'm sure you're doing!) and try to get him to talk to someone.

Answer 6

Be patient with him but don't back down either. This is a hard time for anyone but it doesn't mean he should project that on anybody else, least of all you. Be there when he needs an ear or a shoulder but don't stick around when he needs a whipping girl. That's not your role and you don't have to accept it.

Answer 7

Lots of churches and coulseling centers offer grief recovery classes, grief is a common mental condition that many people need help with. There are stages to dealing with grief and some people get stuck in one of those stages, sounds like he is stuck with anger. You can wait it out and see if he moves on to the next stage, or you can see that he gets help with this, talking to other people who have lost loved ones. My dad died of lung cancer this summer, he is much better off now that he was suffering with cancer, it was a relief to me when he finally passed away. We all handle our grief differently.

Answer 8

Well if he was extremely close to his grandpa then ya is would of hit him harder then he realized some one in my family had died too and now I drink and see I was close too my brother

Answer 9

Your bf loves you deeply, so much that hes afraid to love you...Hes lost someone close to him and he needs time to heal, ask him questions about his grandpa..like what is his best memory of his grandpa? etc..getting him to talk about his loss will help with his healing, its one of the most hardest lessons in life..with love, patients, and compassion..he will get past his grief.
When all said and done, he will see that you stood by him through good times and bad.
At first he may want to cry talking about his loss, as time goes by...he will laugh at some of the good times they shared.
''The sun will shine through the rain''

Answer 10

Look at it this way, his grandfather died, he probably was close to him. I would change to if someone in my family died. Give it some time