My mom is great! I love her to death, but when it comes to planning my wedding, she seems to be ignoring everything I say and is telling the wedding coordinator what she wants. I have tried to have calm conversations with her, but she keeps doing the same thing. I want this to be a great experience for the both of us, but now I am getting stressed out. Itr seems like she is planning the wedding she wants and inviting all of her friends without consulting me. Now I am facing whether I will have room for the people I want there...Help!
2006-12-08 04:29:58 · 16 answers · asked by blondie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
First question I have for you is...who's paying for this? Since you didn't mention you're paying, I'm assuming your parents are, which means your mom gets a little leeway here. I would sit her down though, explain to her that this is YOUR wedding, and you'd like her to consult you before making decisions. Talk to your coordinator as well, without your mom present, he/she has dealt with this many, MANY times in the past and may have some great ideas, plus he/she knows you and your mom much better than we do. A few don'ts would be:
DON'T be accusatory towards your mom. It will only make her defensive. Instead of saying "you're doing all this wrong!" tell her that "I'd like to be more involved in the decision making process."
DON'T talk to her during a high stress time--this may have to be put on the back burner until after the holidays are over with, because that's added stress on your mom as well.
DON'T talk to her at home, take her to lunch and get her on some neutral ground. I've found it's much easier to have difficult conversations with people in places such as a restaurant, rather than the living room. People tend to have more "company manners" in public.
Talk to your mom though, if she's anything like me, she's been planning in her mind your wedding since the day you were born, she looks at dresses and thinks how they would look on you. It's a big day for her. She also wants to make you happy here, very rarely do mom's intentionally go about the wedding planning process thinking the day is about them. It sounds like you guys have a good relationship to start off with. She's just way excited for you, and probably wants you to have what she didn't have when she got married.
The bottom line is though, if your mom and dad are paying for the wedding (or at least the reception) you may have to suck it up, and consider that the price you have to pay to get the wedding is to let your mom get what SHE wants on a few things. If you don't like that, you can always pay for it all yourself, and then you get to call all the shots. Best of luck to you, I'm sure you and your mom can reach some compromise here.
2006-12-08 04:58:05 · answer #1 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This can be a very stressful time for everyone involved. I say sit her down with just the two of you there. Maybe go to a nice dinner, whatever. Just tell her "Mom, I love you more than anything and I truly want you to be involved in the plans for my wedding but, it's just that...MY WEDDING...please back off and let me make the choices. I want us to always enjoy the memories of this day and what leads up to it, but you are making it hard on me."
Gee, if that doesn't work, tell the planner not to do anything without YOUR explicit approval.
2006-12-08 05:06:34 · answer #2 · answered by Lisa Bee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to have a sit down with her, and point out all of the points you just told us. If you don't say anything you are going to begin resenting her and the wedding, when in the end its just about the love you have for your fiance, not all the decorations and guest list. You have to tell her how everything is making her feel, if she cannot understand that, tell her she isn't invited, then maybe she'll listen.
2006-12-08 04:36:41 · answer #3 · answered by Lola 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is she paying for the wedding? If not, simply find ways to do the planning without her around. If she is, it gets a lot harder. Make arrangements to meet with the wedding coordinator without your mother and talk to her about it. They are trained to know how to deal with those types of situations without it becoming a disaster.
2006-12-08 15:35:25 · answer #4 · answered by Chrys 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what ive heard is that your wedding is actually your mothers wedding..you have to wait to have your own daughter so then you can do the same thing to her....really i think you should just discuss it with her, since you said youve already tried that maybe you need to be a little more aggressive about it...maybe dont take her to where you go to plan things or let her talk to the wedding planner, etc...or maybe even tell those people not to listen to her...idk, just a suggestion, good luck
2006-12-08 04:34:47 · answer #5 · answered by Jamie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, are you paying for the wedding? or is she??? :) and if you love her to death, then you must be close, so it is ok for you to be honest with her and remind her that it is YOUR day... And when my kids get married, I will want to invite all of my friends too. You will have room for both, because (this is just a guesstimation but) 1/3 of those invited will not be able to attend, for some reason or another.. and if they do?? then wow, what a party...
2006-12-08 04:40:56 · answer #6 · answered by tootsie38 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Be frank with your wedding coordinator - tell her what's going on - she is trained in just this sort of thing. She can help be mediator between you and your mother - and keep things running smooth
2006-12-08 04:37:31 · answer #7 · answered by wild_orchid_tx36 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I went through the same thing. Eventually, I had to tell certain vendors (caterer, reception site, etc) to not listen to her, and that I made all final decisions. It worked. My mom got really pissed off, but you're going to have to put your foot down. I wish you the best of luck!
2006-12-08 04:33:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't talk to her about it. I know this sounds harsh. But, trust me I am a psychology major in college. After all it is YOUR day. She had hers already right? Just talk to her about everything but the wedding. I have friends whose mother is like this too. Avoid the subject until she brings it to your attention and then just be assertive and tell her, Look its my day and you can be apart of this and help me, but that is the only way you are going to be. Im sorry, Im really harsh. But, its part of my job. Good Luck!!
2006-12-08 04:35:19 · answer #9 · answered by beach_bummet 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Just come right out and say Mom stop! this is my wedding and your going to ruin it for me if I can't be the one who makes the final decisions. This is actually very common.
2006-12-08 06:13:35 · answer #10 · answered by Aaron 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋