Okay..this man's mother had picked up after him all his life. He is the baby of seven. We now have a nine month old..and the house is constantly a mess. I'm worried about baby sticking things in his mouth..because of the mess. The laundry is neverending.. and the two of us work..so when My other half gets home, he stays stationed in front of the t.v.. He is a great guy..but the house is out of hand. I've talked about this over and over..but things don't change..I've also gone on strike..Does not change anything.
He spends time with baby..he loves me..But I feel like a slave and really don't want to be. Please help?!?
2006-12-08 04:16:02 · 10 answers · asked by Paige 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
let me tell you i know exactly what youre going through. my husband was the only and youngest boy. he never had to do anything. when we got together i had to teach him to do laundry. LOL... :)
In know it gets fraustrating but you have to put your foot down. Although I work from home my husband doesn't and I still have a 15 month and a new baby on the way! So working from home is no easier! REALLY!
Anyways maybe what I did will help you. I made a scheduel for us. I know adults with chores to do! But it has to be done. Things that are on the floor shouldnt be hard to pick up. and then you have a vacum for the little things which all you have to do is plug in and let it pick up crap. So have him do the living room and bathroom. I do the kitchen only because I love to cook and my hubby cant get anything right when it comes to the kitchen although he has been trying lately because i get on him.
it never hurts to let him know how you feel. and if you have to keep telling him over and over again then you have to until he does it. when you get home and he's there have him clean up the living room while you spend time with the little one. or have him make dinner and clean the kitchen and you clean the living room. put the baby in the high chair and give him some cherrios and you and your fiance clean. maybe he will get the hang of it. but trust me the more you complain the more he'll want to do it just to shut you up! I KNOW! but if you need any more advice or have a question let me know. I swear I see me in you. This is exactly where i was about a year ago. it's not fun to be a mom to the one you love but sometimes it has to be done
2006-12-08 05:05:37 · answer #1 · answered by Kenneth and LaQuita B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is never going to willingly change since his mother spoiled him rotten and he thinks the world revolves around him (that is why that it's called being spoiled ROTTEN). And unfortunately you have continued training him in this way too -- you went ahead and had a baby with a guy with the life skills of a baby himself and did nothing serious to correct him. So now you need to retrain him.
You really have to put your foot down on this one. You need to tell him that unless he makes a permanent change, your relationship will be over. I'm sorry, but from what I've seen with other couples, unless you do this and mean this, you will spend the rest of your life as his slave.
The best way to do this is to make a list of the tasks that need to be done and how much time it takes to do them. The reason to list the time is because otherwise he will immediately pick all of the quickest tasks and park himself back in front of the tv while you're going crazy. The time allotment needs to be roughly equal. And he has to promise to do the jobs properly -- not this passive aggressive crap guys pull in which they do the laundry wrong so that you'll give in because you don't want your clothes shrunk to baby size.
If he refuses to do this, you can either leave him or stay with him. If you stay with him, be prepared to be his slave or get passive aggressive yourself -- refuse to do HIS laundry or his dishes, etc. And whatever you do, do not have another baby until this gets straightened out or you will end up resenting your children as well.
2006-12-08 04:36:40 · answer #2 · answered by Karen L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not a story that is likely to have a "happily ever after" ending. A couple of suggestions:
1. Tell your fiance that he's going to pick up the tab for maid service a couple of times a week, and follow through. Money comes from HIS discretionary beer-and-entertainment or whatever budget, not from the money used for groceries, clothes, etc.
2. Get a big, big box. Dump his stuff into it to get it out of the way-- dirty clothes, stuff he just leaves around, whatever. This gets the stuff out of your way and the baby's way and he has to deal with it eventually.
3. Recognize that you made a very big mistake in taking up with this guy. You either thought his habits would change or that they didn't matter. Well, he won't change and they do matter. This is who your guy is: a slob who expects others to pick up after him while he sits in front of the TV. Is this the kind of person you want to spend your life with? If not, what are you going to do about it? You can't change him. Only he can change himself. So what are you going to do?
Sometimes we already know the answers to the really difficult questions.
2006-12-08 05:05:48 · answer #3 · answered by Karin C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had to do this to my ex and now my son. Stop cleaning up behind him, stop doing his laundry etc. Only clean up behind you and the baby. When he run out of clean clothes etc he will get the picture. Unless, he take his laundry to his mom and she does it for him. I dumped the trash on my ex while he was sleeping since he wanted to live in a trashed home. He got the picture, but since your fiance is at least good to you and help with the baby that may be too harsh.
2006-12-08 05:29:33 · answer #4 · answered by Sassy Shut Your Mouth 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this happened to me but it was more that he didn't know waht to o or how to do it. i made a list of everything i do around the house and when i do it and hung it up on th fridge where he would always see it. it was a long list, two pages taped together. i told him he has to do all this for one month if he wants everything done. he got the idea soon enough and we split the chores. like i always do the dishes, buy food ect...and he always does the laundry, trash, ect... if i were you i would only do my and the babys laundry and only wash her bottles and plates for you. leave the trash in bags sitting in the livingroom next to the tv he soon won't stand the smell. you have to stick to it for it to work at least a month! good luck
2006-12-08 08:24:19 · answer #5 · answered by Jennifer H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
THEN STOP BEING A SLAVE. Tell him to clean up his mess, or you are leaving. Make a stand hun... Its the ONLY way to get him to notice if you've already talked to him about this. If you just keep doing it, its going to stay like this forever.
2006-12-08 04:19:35 · answer #6 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey i have gone through the same thing, my boyfriend of 15 months is an only child, game-a-holic, spoiled, anyway you get the pic. i have a friend of 8 years come and help me clean now and it makes my boyfriend feel a little guilty so he will help a little bit at a time.
2006-12-08 04:21:18 · answer #7 · answered by aimez20 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You're the one who loves him despite his being a spoiled jerk; either get used to it and suck it up, or call off the wedding before you sign on for a lifetime of being his mother.
2006-12-08 04:24:04 · answer #8 · answered by drumrb0y 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have tried talking and explaining how all of this makes you feel and you work too and he still doesn't help out, withhold sex and see if that helps him decide if he would like to help clean or not.
2006-12-08 04:20:00 · answer #9 · answered by lisa h 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him two options:
Either he helps you, or you go find a man who will.
2006-12-08 04:18:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋