she past away from a genetic disease they were together for two yrs on and off is it too soon for him to get hooked up with someone else i dont want to be just a crutch for him he lives only across the street from me and is very goodlooking and convenient what do i do leave him alone or keep pursueing it help i need to no if anyone has gone thru this thanks again!
2006-12-08 03:56:45 · 24 answers · asked by kim_atha 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Whoa there, girl! You are setting yourself up for a fast downfall. This is not the right time for any kind of romantic feeling for either of you. Losing a partner is a traumatic ordeal and having two children they shared in the making of, is bound to be difficult to deal with.
The children have lost their Mother. If you try to move right in because he's so convenient and good looking, they are going to see right through you and you'll establish a non-ending resentment and risk them hating you.. Have some scruples, woman and give this family time to adjust to losing their Mother. Let them grieve in private. They don't need you panting after their father right now.
In another 6 months you could evaluate the situation and make a better informed decision as to whether or not you wish to pursue a romance with this guy. If he's a decent man, he'll put his children's happiness before his own. If he's a man with whom you'd want a relationship he's worth waiting for. Be prepared to love the children. They will be just as needful as he. More so, because they will see you as someone trying to usurp their Mother's place.
Be a friend first, to the entire family and wait for him to indicate he and his children are ready to move on with their lives.
2006-12-08 04:11:39 · answer #1 · answered by lothespiritalker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, of course it's up to him to decide whether or not it's too soon for him to date. But when my two older kids' father passed from suicide, I didn't date for two years. You mentioned that you didn't want to be a crutch, and that he's very good looking and that this is convenient.... that sounds really selfish to me, especially considering what he's going through right now. If you want to be seriously involved with him, you have to realize that he's gonna need a shoulder to lean on every now and again. Also, he has kids, which means if he's smart, he's gonna take it extra slow, and make sure that whoever he's with is gonna love and accept his kids. You don't even seem interested in accepting his kids. Him living across the street from you may be convenient for you, but I'm willing to bet that in your case, him having kids is not convenient for you. I think you should leave him alone.
2006-12-08 04:05:58 · answer #2 · answered by dorky_goddess 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If this was a disease that she had for some time. possibly they both were prepared for the eventuality of her death and talked about it a lot. Maybe that eased the pain a little. In his mind, he may have been preparing for it for a long time. The kids, however, would not be prepared for what they may consider a replacement. Ask him how he feels about it. Take things very slow and cautiously. Begin as close friends which could only help a relationship in the long run. And be cautious around the kids. Let them grow fond of you as simply a friend. Who knows, they may welcome you as more on their own after time simply from the friendship you provide all of them.
2006-12-08 04:03:11 · answer #3 · answered by xovenusxo 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YES...it's too soon.
All the experts on relationships say you need at LEAST one year and better off with two years after a divorce or death of spouse.
Don't be the crutch...maybe you could be a friend for now..but give him his space to grieve properly. Maybe offer to babysit now and again if he needs it, but best bet is to give him room. Don't crowd him right now. There's alot for him to go thru, disbelief, depression, even anger. Look up the grieveing process online.
He needs his space.
2006-12-08 04:03:44 · answer #4 · answered by Lisa Bee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it would be too soon for him to start a new r'ship. 6 mths is not a very long period of time, and everyone is still healing. It would be a bit too insensitive of you to jump into his life (and his kids'). You too, wouldn't want him to be in a rebound r'ship with you, right? So, just give everyone some time. When things look ok and settled in the future, that will be the time.
2006-12-08 04:01:59 · answer #5 · answered by Hanna 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the concept of time differs from person to person, meaning some ppl take years to get over this kind of loss while others bounce back immediately. it all depends on the individual. also in this case as a on and off relationship, it may be easier to move on rather than if he was in a committed relationship.
the best thing to do right now is just sit tight and be there for him. if and when he does bounce back you'll be in place, do not rush him.
2006-12-08 04:02:32 · answer #6 · answered by stacy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should just be a good friend to him for a bit. It may be too soon. Of course if they weren't together full time or weren't married then he may not need so much time. Keep the dating option open but just show him how good of a friend you are and how much he can count on you. Good luck!
2006-12-08 04:00:31 · answer #7 · answered by bbydol221 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some of the best relationships start out as friendships, so while he's going through his grieving process, maybe you should be more of a friend to him. In the end he will appreciate that and when he's ready to start dating again you will be the first in mind for sure!
2006-12-08 04:00:39 · answer #8 · answered by superbad~honeydip 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It very well may be too soon for him to get involved in a permanent relationship. Just be his friend. Stay in his field of vision. Wait it out. When the time is right for him, you will be there.
2006-12-08 04:00:02 · answer #9 · answered by kj 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you've thought the pro's and con's through. You can try to be a friend for him, close enough that he knows you are interested in being with him after he recovers from his loss, but not get so involved that you wind up a rebound.
2006-12-08 04:00:12 · answer #10 · answered by Aloe-ish-us 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋