My sons dad says he wants to be involved but I think his wife is interfereing do you think so?

Question

Well when My sons dad left me I was two months pregnant. Before me he was with some girl for a few years and they had a daughter but then they finally broke up and he moved to wa (shes in ar) and she ignored him and was mean til she saw him and I together on a picture. Then she harassed him for like 4-5months til one day he finally went back. then she found out I was pregnant and immediately got pregnant too. (so his step sister is 2.5mo his jr) and he used to call like 4times a day to at least 3 times a week (when I was preggo) and he was begging me to fly him back.. But I was having a boy and she had to monitor his call cuz that was teh new rule. So she became jealous (he wanted a boy) so the calls became less and less.. and thenon October 27 (she called it their "4 yrs"-- even though for 8 months of that he was here and five of those he was with me)he married her. (her mom bought the rings and her dad paid it) now he barely calls. they had a girl and thats when alot of it started

the only phone they have his is his mom in laws cell/ He said he found some go phone and wants to add minutes to it but I havent heard from him since that. He has 2 kids with her btw both girls (ones about to be 2 and the others like almost 3 months) So Its not like I want him to abandon those kids.. Its just he hasnt sent one card or photo for my son and I sent him tons of stuff for his daughters. My son is my life and he is the happiest kid in the world but I cant help but to want him to have what I had growing up.. that includes a dad. I dunno. All my guyfriends LOVE him.. and soon I may be going out with one of them... But when they day he asks about his sisters and dad comes up I wanted to be able to just hand him a phone. HIs dad wants to come see him but everytime he says that on our convo I dont hear from him for 2-3 months. (shes listening)

Oh she is nuts. I am glad they are 2000 miles away. She wished me miscarriages and all that when I was pregnant.. through emails and junk. Then when they got married the day after she was calling herself my sons STEP MOM! wtf!

Answer 1

um, he's a big boy. regardless of who foots the bill for him, he is not a helpless child that has to go along with everyone else's choices for him. he is the one. stop making excuses for him.

find a real man. your son needs a positive role model, not a wuss who can't support himself or his children.

Answer 2

He made his choice and he didn't pick you. Make sure you're getting child support from him. I'd NEVER let him take your son over to see his wife, she sounds like a nut case. If he want to be involved he can come over, without the wife and visit, but I'll bet his wife won't allow that.

I'll bet before long his wife will drive him away and he'll want you then. But do you really want him after he left you for another woman, while you were pregnant? I'd hope not. I'd find someone else, who would treat you with respect and who loves your son.

Good luck I think you're going to need it.

EDIT

I read your edits. At this point I'd have nothing to do with him or her. It sound like the sooner both of them are out of your life the better.

I would almost tell your son his dad died, if it wouldn't come back and bite you later.

Don't talk to him anymore, he's just stringing you along in case it don't work out between him and his wife. His wife see you as a threat to their marriage, which you are. She think if he leave her he'll go to you.

Don't call him. And if he calls tell him not to call and say goodbye and hang up. Also, I wouldn't send anything to him or his wife or kids, put them all behind you and find someone else. Return any mail. Sooner or later he'll get the message.

Respect yourself and love your son, things will workout.

Good luck

Answer 3

I think you should carry on as you are. Always be as truth-full as you can when your son asks about his dad, and if he does want to come and visit your son then let him, if he doesn't turn up then unfortunately you are going to be the one that explains that to your little boy, but kids are quite resilient.
The wife sounds a bit mad and it sounds like a good thing that she is not really a part of your life anymore. The man himself should be a real man, and should explain to his wife that he wants a relationship with his son too, but it doesn't sound like he will ever get around to doing that. Personally i think he sounds a bit weak.
You sound like your a good mother so keep up the good work as long as your son has you he's doing well.

Answer 4

Well of course she is. She is jealous of you because you have the son he wanted and she couldn't give him. I wouldn't go out of my way to help him come see his son. Make him come alone and don't let your son go there. I don't think I would trust her. Jealousy makes you do bad things. If he truly wants to be part of your son's life, he will find a way. Remember though, the other women will always be in the picture, so learn to deal with her. If she wants to start crap, just don't have contact until she is willing to back off. Your son doesn't need that in his life, but he does need a father.

Answer 5

I get where you are coming from. My boyfriend's hopefully soon to be ex-wife kept telling me that neither one of them wanted anything to do with his daughter. (She was about 6 months old.) I said fine, pay child support and sign over his visitation rights. She said no and that they were gonna get custody. She started becoming more confusing everyday. She would treat me terribly and tell me things that my boyfriend, he was with her at the time, never said.
I never talked to him when they were together. She wouldn't let me and tell me he didn't want to. She set up an email account for him, which I found out in the end she was the one sending me the harassing emails full of lies. Anyway, in the end she called my child many hurtful things, but still called herself, her step-mother.

Like my boyfriend's ex-wife, I think your son's father's wife is nuts. She is probably scarred that he still loves you and wants to be with you, so talking to you is gonna make him act on those feelings.

Sorry about the long answer. Good Luck with everything. Hopefully his father is gonna be in his life and grow a set to deal with his wife.

Answer 6

I think given his situation and his stupidity for remaining in that situation, make sure you have some sort of child support agreement in place and call it a wrap. Unfortunately, I don't think he's going to be around much for your son and it really is unfortunate he doesn't have the balls to stand up to his wife regarding the matter and do what's right.

Answer 7

I say forget the deadbeat. He has an obligation to both children. I understand if he lives far away and can't see him much, but picking up a phone isn't hard. You just love your son and he'll never know what's missing!

Answer 8

It's probably jealousy and insecurity of the wife. She might not have any control over her actions or she might just want to be mean. Again family counseling is suggested for both sets of parents as in a group. The children should also be included as you are now one big family, yes, the new wife becomes part of the family too.

Answer 9

The phrase that caught my eye was "begging me to fly him back". This guy is a deadbeat, loser, player and you are blaming everyone but him. Raise your son and lose that jerk.

Answer 10

sounds like she is a b*tch. you should call her and tell her off and then talk to him give him a plane ticket and tell him he needs to come down and see his son or give up all rights to him. then when he gets down here tell him he can stay with you if he wants. and divorce her and apply for custody of his daughter. good luck. the women seems crazy sounds like he has a good chance of getting custody. good luck.