How do you stop a child from hitting?

Question

I have a 4 year old son. He hits the kids and staff at the daycare he attends. We dont hit in our home. I have tried getting down to eye level and talking with him. Im blue in the face from that. Ive tried taking things from him. Nothing seems to work. HELP!

Answer 1

I bought the book "Hands Are Not For Hitting" for my 3-year old, who went through a hitting phase, also, and it helped her behavior tremendously!

Answer 2

I have taken care of children for many years now, and hitting seems to be a huge issue for so many parents. Even when there is no hitting or violence in the home, it is just in childrens nature to react in this way sometimes. He may have picked it up from TV or watching other children in the daycare or school. Whatever the case may be, you have a good start. Getting down to his level, and looking him in the eyes and saying, "Hitting people hurts them. I do not let others hit you, and I expect you to do the same." Then put him in a 4 minute time out area with no outside stimulation. Explain to him one time that he is in time out. He will sit here for 4 minutes, and when 4 minutes is over, you will come and get him out of this area. If he trys to wonder off, redirect him back to the time out area, this time with little to no eye contact and no verbal interactions. Continue to redirect him, with as little attention as possible. This is going to be a pain for awhile, but once he sees your serious, and that your not backing down or giving in, he will get the idea. After time out is over, go give him a hug and tell him that you love him and that again, hitting hurts. If you do this consistantly, this is very effective and works. Also, reinforce his positive behavior! When you see him interacting in a positive manner with others, go up to him and tell him that you really like how well he is playing. Reinforce the positive!! Give it a shot and happy parenting!

Answer 3

Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but he's a lost cause and it's all your fault. You have the power to teach him that hitting people is not acceptable behavior and you refuse to use it. There is a lot of wisdom in the saying "Spare the rod, spoil the child." A four-year-old does not have the capacity for reason, so trying to talk to him is useless. Taking things from him is equally useless because he'll find some other way to occupy himself. Time-outs are even more worthless at this stage because standing in a corner or planting it on the couch for a few minutes is nothing to a four-year-old. Unless you resolve to be the boss and punish him for unacceptable behavior in a way that he will understand and appreciate, he's going to turn into a monster.

Now, I'm not advocating beating your son to a pulp -- or anything even remotely close to that. What I AM advocating is warming his backside for him when he gets out of line and won't straighten up. You don't have to hit him over and over again, and you don't have to hit him so hard that he goes sailing over the left field fence. One or two firm swats on the butt is plenty. It won't take him long to learn that a spanking is a very unpleasant experience that he wants to avoid, so once he gets to that point the mere threat of a spanking will be all he needs to straighten up 99% of the time.

Let me make this clear: It's your responsibility to teach your son how to behave, and if you don't nip this in the bud now it's only going to get worse. By your own admission, nothing else has worked. Don't buy into the lie that every parent who hits a child is abusive, and don't think for one second that a parent who spanks a child doesn't love that child. No question that you love your son and that you want what's best for him -- and that's why it's so vitally important that you get a handle on this, NOW. He'll get kicked out of every daycare and school you put him in if he continues to hit other children and adults. Is that what you want for him? As much as you love your son, you CANNOT be his friend. You are his parent. Be strong. Do what is best for him.

Answer 4

Talking to him at his level is good. This may sound weird, take him to the park. Have it become a daily ritual for him (or maybe three times a week). Introduce him to something you think he may not like but love to do. Then after doing it a few times, inform him that it will be an incentive as long as he doesn't cause any disruptive behavior and he does what he is told. I use an extra storybook reading and V-smile game time for daily incentive,the parks and online games for children as weekly incentives, and 1.50 movies, playtime at McDonalds (no food only a sundae) for monthly incentives. If he has done really well I take him to ChuckE.cheese. Try it.

Answer 5

whatever you decide, it needs addressed immediately! Because I certainly would be furious as the parent of another child who was constantly being hit. I'm sure you would feel the same if the situation was reversed and your son was the one getting smacked around at daycare. he needs to learn another way to express his frustration & anger, which is weird that he chooses to hit, since you say he didn't learn it at home. Is he seeing this on TV??

Answer 6

You need to get control of him now. If you don't spank him then you might find that taking away TV or toys from him for doing this kind of behavior might work. I will send my son to bed after dinner if he is real bad at school. He really needs to know that hitting will not be tolerated or when he grows up he will hit you or maybe ever worse.

Answer 7

I'm sorry to bag on other posts...but your child has a hitting problem and someone above says hit them to solve their hitting problem. Nice advice dumbass.

Punish them (without hitting) immediately.

He needs to be isolated when he hits others and potentially ignored.

He hits to be noticed...for attention...if he is isolated (sat down in the corner) he will get less of what he wants (attention) and will realize that hitting equals less attention, so try something else.

If that doesn't work beat the snot out of him....I'm kidding!!!

Good luck.

Answer 8

You need to supervise him in social situations. Dont ask him not to hit. Thats asenine, he's four, not 24. Tell him he's not to hit, remind him in passing during the day. Remind him of what good behavior looks like, either through children on the tv or while out running to the store. Talk to him about what he's not allowed to do, and what he is expected to do.

When you catch him hitting, REMOVE him from the situation, NO WARNING. Pick him up, take him from the sitation, and put him on time out, or swat his butt and tell him no, if thats your thing.

After his butt hits the time out seat, tell him "you are not allowed to hit" And leave him there for the duration of his time out. if he gets up, put him back. I dont care if it takes three hours to get him to sit there for 4 minutes. Thats what you do.

Be consistant. You dont ask, you dont beg, you dont warn, you dont count to three. Thats nonsense. He's not allowed to hit, its not a CHOICE he makes whether he wants to obey you or not. He HAS to.

You'd be amazed what your kids will and wont do if therye simply not allowed a choice.

Answer 9

the best thing would be if one of those kids hit him back then maybe he would know what it felt like. maybe you should just take him out of daycare if you can. sounds to me he is doing this for attention. good luck with this

Answer 10

Harder discipline is needed here! Maybe it's time that a good old fashioned spanking would do the trick...I find that TIME OUTS don't work..taking things away..doesn't work...but if he misbehaves in school...spanking his meaty little rump..might show him how it feels to be hit! BUT there's a difference in WHY he's being spanked...the people he hits...didn't do anything to him..but HE'S doing something to them. Make it a point to show him that !! ALso tell him...You got spanked for mis behaving...the people at your school didn't do anything to you...Maybe he'll understand that it hurts to hit and he MIGHT not do it again!!