I have 2 step sons who live with me and my husband. They are good kids- with the exception of the teenage years. The thing is their mom is not paying any child support. She has a good job but feels she doesnt have to pay. We have just bought a lettermans jacket, class ring, year book etc. for the oldest son. His mom had told him that she would buy the class ring. When he called her she told him no. He was really upset and started to cry and hasnt spoken to her since. There have been numerous times that she has disappointed the kids. Not showing up for their programs etc.. We did get him the ring ourselves, but what i am wondering is how dowe handle situations when they are so upset with her and how do we explain her not helping support her kids?
2006-12-08 03:17:05 · 7 answers · asked by luckygirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am in the identical situation. My stepson lives with us and his mother is a piece of work. She recently won $100,000 in a lawsuit and did not give her son a single cent. She never paid support. She calls him and says things to try to make him feel guilty for not being a "better son".....I detest this creature.
Our response has been to be honest with him and to show our love and support. We always tell him that her behavior and responses are not what we feel are appropriate and that this is not his fault. We also encourage him to love and accept his mother for what she is. She will never be what we hoped she would be, but that is the way it is. Accepting it and realizing you can't change her will pave the way to being at peace with things.
He is now 22 and he is very settled with who she is.
2006-12-08 03:26:55 · answer #1 · answered by Jennifer D 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would just tell them that their Mother (she's no Mom as far as I'm concerned) has her own issues and there isn't anything you or them can do to help her with them. But I'm curious, why doesn't your husband take her to court for child support? Just because she's the female (she doesn't deserve to be called a woman in my opinion either) doesn't mean she shouldn't be paying. When my ex and I divorced (in the 80's) we agreed on joint custody and when he had the kids I had to pay, plus everything concerning school and after school activities, clothes and medical bills we split down the middle.
2006-12-08 03:26:34 · answer #2 · answered by Just Me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just continue to be there for them when she lets them down.These kids will need all the support of a loving parent and step-parent that they can get throughout their times of disappointments. Later in life you and your husband will reap the harvest of their love, through the generousity of giving your love, time, devotion and support..... which will be what creates the successful adults they will become. What ever you both do....don't ever bad mouth or put down their mother, no matter what she does to them!!!! As hard as that may be, they will in time see her for what she is on their own. Then they will have to decide for themselves, wheather they want to include her in their adult lives or not.
Just tell them you don't know why she does the things she does, but no matter what you both will always be there for them!!!!
Good Luck to You Both
2006-12-08 03:54:47 · answer #3 · answered by "N"saysable 1iric 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you explain to them she's acting like a jerk? You don't, Don't make any comment at all about her relationship with them, good or bad, just make sure they know, (which they evidentally do) you and their dad are there for them. Let them draw their own conclusions about their mother.
Oh and it might be worth reminding them, in a general sense, bad parents do not necessarily make bad children. Just because she is a bad person doesn't mean they are.
2006-12-08 03:32:53 · answer #4 · answered by gerrifriend 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
teach her a lesson and take her to family court...of she does't pat anything and has a good job, then make her. b/c all the financial needs shouldn't be on the shoulders of you and your husband. as for her lack of emotional support...you don't need her in you children's lives. she might be the biologiclal mother...but you are those kids' MOM!!!
2006-12-08 03:31:31 · answer #5 · answered by bcos 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to explain anything to them, they're finding out on their own about their mother and will come to their own conclusions about her. Don't bad mouth her, they will do that trhemselves.
2006-12-08 03:22:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
just because she canhave a baby does not make her the mom, you be his mom and i will bet that one day he will see you as his real mom.
2006-12-08 03:51:07 · answer #7 · answered by daisy322_98 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋