Please help, I'm really scared!?

Question

My friend has severe depression. She cuts herself and has even told me that she is planning to kill herself by the end of the year. I've told her parents and they are trying to make her get help, but she won't take it! I call her every night and see her every weekend to try to help her, but she never talks to me on the phone for more than 2 minutes, and she just sits in her room and dosen't really talk to me while I am there. I'm really scared for her and dont want her to kill herself. How else can I help her?

She turned 18 in August, but she still lives at home. Also her sister and my sister have tried talking to her but she still won't take any help.

Answer 1

If her parents dont really believe you,then you need to do something about that.There is a internet test,will give you the site.Get her to answer the questions,print it and show them.If they do nothing about it,report them.Depression isn't a good thing.Thank you for caring...

Answer 2

Someone I loved (and still do) tried to kill themselves once, so I have a unique perspective. I hope you'll listen carefully to what I have to say.

First of all, it's a complicated issue, so let's be practical about it.

Even if she is 18, if she is still a dependant on their health insurance, then her parents can get her in for evaluation. But here is the rub, their health insurance may not cover it. It may sound shallow and callous, but the psych hospital could end up costing upwards of $3000 dollars a day, and once she is admitted THEY decide when she gets to leave. Ergo, her parents could be looking at losing everything they own and putting any other siblings at a great disadvantage because they couldn't tell between a child starving for attention and a child with a real mental imbalance. If they do have insurance, it may not cover the whole stay.

I know from personal experience that it can be VERY costly. If you sign up and vouch for the person, and say you'll take care of the financials (parent, significant other, friend, etc) you are going to be on the hook for a lot of cash.

Is money more important than her life? ABSOLUTELY NOT! But it is a consideration most families are going to struggle with.

The cutting is an obsessive compulsive behavior. Self mutilation is not a new thing. Lots of people do it to one degree or another. Have you ever noticed that some people when they get nervous or anxious will pick at the cuticles on their nails? They usually have bloody little fingers as a result, but it's not enough to send them in for psychiatric evaluation.

There are suicide hotlines that can help direct you to free or almost free services. Many of these places use "talk" therapy. While it has it's place, the self destructive behavior is probably not something that can be talked out of a person by simply asking them about their "mother" and their childhood.

Medication and therapy would probably help her immensely. But I am not a licensed physician or therapist, so I cannot make that determination at all.

There may be something traumatic that she is having difficulty dealing with. While you are a good friend and concerned for her, YOU are not a therapist. You are not a doctor. And you shouldn't feel like you have the responsibility to act as one.

You've told her parents and you've been a good friend to her. My advice is to be there to listen, but it seems like if she is not talking to you then she has closed herself off to the outside world.

Besides health insurance issues, many parents are reluctant to be known as the family with the "nutty daughter" that had to go to therapy. They see it as a representation of being a failure as a parent.

Depression is a disease. It's a real disease and can be treated effectively. One thing to remember when discussing depression with the parents or the friend is that there is no shame in admitting you need help.

If you break your leg, it's okay to fix it. Nobody says "What a wimp, they couldn't take a broken leg like a man/woman". It's no different if you break your mind/spirit.

My heartfelt sympathies go out to you. I've been where you are, with one major difference. The person I loved/love actually tried and it shattered my soul. I pray you never have to go through this experience.

People who talk about killing themselves generally are crying out for help. They should be taken seriously. The situation you have to worry about is when they stop, get quiet and don't tell anyone anything. Then that's when it's dangerous. Because those who are truly depressed (in my opinion and experience) don't try to go out with a ton of fan fare. They try to go out quietly.

One thing is for certain. You can't stop her if she is determined. And if she does decide to end her life, it is not your fault. Again, there is little you can do other than plead with her parents to take her in for an actual evaluation. If the daughter refused to go, she can be forced with a physician executed commital or PEC. In that case she'll have no choice and must go in for a full evaluation and observation for several days. They should NEVER threaten her with a PEC. That will just make a depressed person "flee" or "run away". I'd simply PEC her and not give her a chance to fight it. If they do it now, it won't mess up school because she'll be on vacation. It won't mess up her whole life at this point and juncture. By the way, a PEC can be executed whether the person is under 18 or over 18. So it's not a factor.

Anyway, good luck with it all. Spend some time with her if you can and again, PLEASE seek professional counsel on the matter. If she is a member of a church, the pastor/priest may be able to point you/her in the direction of some free help. But if she isn't religious or a member of any particular church it may not be a viable option.

Check out the suicide websites as well:
http://suicidehotlines.com/
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

Good luck.

Warm Regards,

Brother Crash

Answer 3

There is a way...
If you can, take her to a hospital. Not to get any treatment for her.
But take her to a hospital, especially a cancer centre and show how people are striving to get back into life. Take her to a street and show how even beggars of no wealth, affected by diseases and lost everything are striving to live. Make her know what is life.
I don't know whats her age. But I am sure she is not having the burden of great wall of china on her shoulders. if there are not despairs in life, how could we enjoy what we call 'joy'.
her problem, if she is above 15 year old may be a break of love affair--I am not sure. You must try to know what her problem is..
And the only way here, from what yopu said, and she is so stubborn is to make her know how poeple are striving for life.

Answer 4

As someone who has had severe depression, and even suicidal thoughts, I can honestly say that making someone do something against their will is only going to increase their depression and hatred of the people around them. What you can do is take your friend somewhere where you two can sit alone and just talk. Not about her condition, but just talk to her. Give her someone she can open up to and talk to. If she doesn't want to talk, then you two can just sit there until she decides to talk.

One of my friends discovered I was severely depressed and took me to a beach that I loved to go to. At first I didn't want to say anything, but then we just started talking and by the end of it, we were embraced in a hug and crying tears of joy. I had never realized that there was someone I could truly open up to and not have them lecture me on how to 'look on the brighter side' or anything. She just listened to me, and that was enough to help my overcome my depression. See if that helps in your case. Don't be pushy, be patient.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Your best bet is to just continue to be there for her. You mentioned that her parents are trying to make her get help but she refuses. If she is a minor I really don't see how she can refuse help unless she skips her appointments. If that was the case I as a parent would take off work and drive the child there myself. Also the parents should take to her school counselor as well as her therapist to see what options are available or what things are recommended. For now continue to be her friend and offer positive comments to her when you do see or talk to her.

Answer 6

If you really feel that your friend is in danger of hurting herself, you should call 911 and tell the dispatcher that you believe that your friend is attempting suicide. Neither you nor your friend will get in trouble. Most likely the police and the EMTs will report to the scene and assist in getting her help. In most cases if suicide is attempted, the person is admitted to the hospital for treatment even if it's against their will. This can save your friend's life! Her parents may be in denial which is why they are not forcing treatment. Believe me, they do not want their child to take her life but they may not be admitting to themselves that she is probablt serious about her threats.

Answer 7

Pray for her every day and every night. Try to get her to understand that nothing or no one is worth killing yourself for. Death is not a way to solve problems. We all have problems at one time or another. Ask God to give you guidance on what to say to her and how to help her. Let her know that her life is worth something. If she kills herself she will emotionally kill the ones who love her and care for her.

Answer 8

Tell her to go out with you somewhere and while she is in the car take her to a place where she can get help. My brother commited suicide and a friend offered to do this for him. Unfortunately we didn't take my brother seriously. We thought he was stuck in a rut and eventually he would get better. We were totally wrong. I hope you can help her. You are a remarkable friend. God Bless You.

Answer 9

I believe that when people act this way, they want attention and lots of love. You can tell she doesn't want to talk about it. Just invite her everywhere you go. Eventually, she will realize that you love her as a friend. My believes on this subject is that people get addicted to this feeling inside themselves. It is her choice to keep feeling this way. Help her by being there for her. think of special things to do for her and talk about everything else, but her problem. When she wants to talk about that she will come to YOU

Answer 10

this is probably the worst thing to say, but you can't help the unwilling. you can't save everyone. if that is what she really wants there is nothing you can do, but put here in a hospital. show her a new hobby maybe. you can't get down on your self for someone else losses.