I need help on a relationship?

Question

I am in a relationship right now that I am starting to question. There is a 15 year difference in age between us. She is the elder. The age difference is not the issue to me or her, but it is to everyone else around us. We have been together for a month now and I am really starting to wonder if I should contine with this relationship.

When we started going out, we did not know of the age difference. She is the one that came on to me. She is trying to make things go faster than I want them to. I have told her this and she knows that she is doing it but does not know how to stop doing it. I do not want to hurt her by backing out, but I feel that now would be the time before it really gets serious. She has been hurt before and I do not want to hurt her again.

The love is there, I am just afraid of what everyone else is going to say.

So my question is should I contine with this relationship, put it on hold, or stop it. Give me as much advise as possible.

As for her moving too fast, I have had to set rules just to slow her down a little bit.

I need to add that this is my first relationship and that I am over the age of 21.

Answer 1

It all depends on the people involved. If you are 21 or younger, I would say you should end the relationship, that she is probably just going through her mid-life crisis and wants a younger guy to make her feel young, attractive, and that she still is in the game.
However, there is a 14 year age difference between my aunt and uncle. They are very happy and have been together for nearly 25 years now. They have 2 grown children together and everything worked out fine with them.
Trust your heart and hers, be open with her about your concerns, and see if there is anything the 2 of you come up with together that will make it work.

Answer 2

I really do not think that what other people are saying is the issue here. Because if you really loved her and cared about her that much you would not care what other people thought. Maybe you are making that an excuse in your own head to justify leaving her.

There is no rule that states you must stay in a relationship because you are afraid of hurting the other persons feelings. If this is not what you want, leave. Your right the longer you wait the harder it will be. If you are unhappy, the relationship will not succeed anyway.

So before you do anything, think about what it is you really want. And then when you decided, sit her down like an adult and tell her exactly what you are feeling.

I think that is the only way.

Answer 3

What are other people saying? My next question would be... is it true? Are they family members saying it? Are they trying to protect you?
Usually when friends and family get up in arms about a relationship, it's because they see something that you don't. Is there something in particular they don't like about this woman, OTHER THAN her age?

You need to stop and think about what you want, and where you want this relationship to go. You then need to be honest with yourself about what's really happening. If you're family says they don't like her because "she's controlling"... then you need to be honest with yourself and ask the question..."is she really a controlling person?" "will this type of behavior stop, and what effect will it have on me in the long run?".

I understand the last thing you want to do is hurt this woman. That's very noble. You should however remember, that your number one priority should be you. Regardless of her feelings... you need to do what's right for you. If you hurt her.. I promise, she'll get over it. It'll take time, but she will. Just like it would take you time to get over it too.

Good luck

mj

Answer 4

If you are worried about what other people think, then I don't think that the love must truly be there. Because if you truly were in love then you wouldn't care at all. I think that you are afraid to hurt her but you want out. You should tell her that you are not ready to settle down and that you can tell she is. That the two of you need to see other people. Cause she needs to find someone that is ready to be married and settled and that you need to find someone that just wants to have fun for now.

Answer 5

I guess the age difference depends on how old you are... if you're older than twenty, it's not too big of a deal. The thing about her going too fast though is what makes me think you should stop it. If she's not going to respect where your boundaries are, then you should tell her you want to stop. You might hurt her, but you could get hurt if you go farther than what you want to.

Answer 6

You have to follow your heart, but yu have to ask yourself why are you letting what everyone else thinks and says effect you? If u are letting it effect u then obviously u have already had thoughts yourself...U do what ever it is ur heart tells you too and try to explain to your girlfriend that u need to move slow and that u can not just rush into a relationship and jump head first into anything.....

Answer 7

if you are worried about what others say you have to ask yourself if you are mature enough to be in a relationship. as for her taking things too fast too soon, you need to limit your time with her as well as your intamacy, women put alot of emotion into a guy that they're in a sexual relationship with. back off a little and tell her you need a little space.

Answer 8

u have 2 decide by urself. think first r u really love her n u ll keep lovin her even when she becomes old. Imagine her after 10 or 15 years more , will u keep lovin her ???????

if " yes " so let everyone else go 2 hell :P

Answer 9

dont listen to people, cause if they see a happy relationship before they know of the age, they will be happy for you. Anyway the real haters are from people who dont have nobody of their own

Answer 10

if you really do love her you wouldn't be having doubts and you wouldn't care what other people think. sounds to me like you're looking for an excuse to get out of the relationship.