Can an abusive mother be forgiven.......?

Question

For several years my mom was menatlly ill (paricularly paranoia). She really hit rock bottom while I was in high school. For this reason my teenage years were a living hell. I wasn't allowed to leave the house or have friends. While I was a very good kid (good student; never got in trouble), she would still accuse me of doing awful things that I never even got close to doing. She would constanly tell me that I would grow up and be prostitute because all I was good for was sucking d***. Day after day she would make comments of that nature. As a result I became ill with depression. This is something I've struggled with for a few years. Anyhow, the both of us are fine now (she got the help she needed), but I have not forgiven her 100%

Answer 1

I can only imagine how hard it mustn't have been for you growing up with a mother like that.
As a teen you need a loving supportive mother, not one that breaks you down.
But she was mentally ill.
It doesn't make what you went through any easier, but surely you can forgive her.
Your own recovery from hurt feelings, bitterness and anger, will be healed through your forgiveness.
Forgiveness is not the same as saying, "it wasn't that bad"
Forgiveness is simply putting the past behind you and looking forward to a new future.
Not only will it set her free, but it will set you free.

I truly hope you forgive your mom.
You could still have a wonderful relationship with her.

Answer 2

For a moment, I thought you were talking about my mom. I went through the same thing, including being told I would be a prostitute, or she wish she would have had an abortion. The problem with mental illness is you know in your head that it's not really them, but in your heart it's still your mom talking. You said she received counseling, but you didn't mention if you had. It took me a while and a great counselor to overcome the hurt and resentment I was feeling towards my mother. The one thing you have to remember is that you only have one mom. You can forgive her if you choose to, but if you choose not to, then you are going to struggle with this for a long time. Let it go and forgive her. Get into counseling so that you can better your own life. Someone who has dealt with mental illness should not be condemned for the rest of their life. You both need to move forward. Hopefully, by forgiving her, you will be able to have a better, more fulfilling relationship with her. Good luck to you sweetie.

Answer 3

First of all, I am truly sorry for what you went through and you must be an extraordinary person to have not given up and got to where you are today. Your parents are suppose to be protectors and care givers and someone you look up to. Unfortunately, they are only human and some are plain unfit to raise kids.
Your mother was ill, she got help, but the damage to you was severe and you will live with this for the rest of your life. Now, you must get professional help for your depression, work towards the betterment of your situation, don't give up whatsoever, you can do it, you are strong and smart and you know her behaviour had nothing to do with who you really are. As far as forgiveness goes, it may come in time, it may not. But you have to make your own life your first priority and make sure you get better.
Best of luck to you, I do hope you get better, There is help out there, you are not alone.

Answer 4

I grew up in a simmilar situation, except my dad couldn't blame it on a mental illness. And even though I've grown up to be a good person with an education (a double major in college!!!) and have a respectable boyfriend, he still thinks I'm going to grow up to be a prostitute.

But if she got the help she needed, and so did you... I don't see why you can't start over. It will always hurt, and you will never get your childhood years back, but now you and your mom can move on. She's different now (hopefully) than she was then, so treat her as though she's a whole new person, not the one you used to know.

Good luck!

Answer 5

yes she can be forgiven. all yall have to do is just put things in the past and let them be they cant hold you back from having a relationship with your mother. i am going through the same thing with my dad he is a really big drinker but he is starting to change a little bit just forgive what happened in the past and go from here and now forward live life to the fullest and make something of everyday you mom wont be here forever and when that day comes all you want to do is remember all the good times that you had with your mother

Answer 6

You will always have that feeling because it's something hard to forget even when you has tried, I know that things that your mother did to yo were totally wrong, but your mother is your mother, and after God is the nearest person that you count, you only have to try forget her and think that she did these things because she had scare that you could became and that type of persons, because maybe your mother was in a similar situation when she was younger, don't you think?. For be a good person we have to forget all people that have done bad things against us, specially if they are parents. Good luck! ; )

Answer 7

You already tell the answer SHE WAS MENTALLY ILL. She was not her. Is she suppose to suffer and you suffer too, because she was ill. Try to be happy now that both of you are cured, if you can not forgive her you are still bad, you should go to therapy for psycological help. Good luck and learn to forgive and you will be happy, try to live in the present, the past does not exist, and the future who knows???

Answer 8

There is a saying, " Forgiveness is accepting that your past isn't going to get any better."

"We must forgive those we feel have wronged us, not because they deserve to be forgiven, but because we love ourself so much we don't want to keep paying for the injustice."
-Don Miguel Ruiz

Clinging to unforgiveness leaves us with pain and resentment. When I find myself doing this, I ask myself "What do I gain by holding on to unforgiveness?" If I look inside, I usually find the child in me wanting to change someone else and to make-up for the wrongs of the past. realising I have no control over others, I let go of the pain and soothe my inner child with words of love, care and comfort, the things she deserved and didn't get from her sick family.

When feeling of resentment come up, I remind myself that they were/are sick and did the best they could with what they had. I stop trying to change them or wishing the past was different. I refuse to be their judge or a victim. I am a survivor and learn from all my experience.

Answer 9

I am sure it will take you some time to "forget" as well as forgive her for what you went through. It is good that you both have come to terms with this and you should not blame yourself for any of it. In time you may find that you have forgiven her and cherish the good relationship you now have. We all need our moms, and I wish you both all the luck.

Answer 10

For your sake, it's time to forgive her. Remember that the illness was doing probably most of the talking for your mother during that time. Forgiveness eases depression.
You might not forget the hurtful things that she said to you but find it in your heart to forgive her.
If she is willing to talk about those times, this would help. It would give her a chance to tell you that she is sorry. This would help with forgiving her.