How do you tell a possessive, jealous, controlling boyfriend it’s over when you live in his house?

Question

I want to be able to move my stuff out & get away from him...but I'm afraid how he'll act, or what he'll do? I'll need more than 1 day to get all my crap out of his place!!!

Answer 1

MAKE SURE YOU HAVE MADE UP YOUR MIND...BECAUSE ONCE YOU START THIS THING...THERE IS NO GOING BACK!!!!
I was in this situation myself a few years ago. Here is what I did...and everything went very smooth...NO CONFRONTATION!!!
First off...you have to want to leave badly enough to make a few sacrifices! You will have but ONE CHANCE...ONE TIME and about 15 MINUTES to leave...so first you have to decide what are the most important things that you can't replace that you MUST take...the rest...you have to tell yourself they are just "things"...you can replace "things"...but you can not replace your life or your health (if he gets violent and tries to stop you!)
Then...start "putting things away" that will not be noticed or things that you can "explain" that you are putting away until after the holidays...or what ever!!! You can "explain" that you want to "unclutter" a bit...and that you want to make room for things that belong to you both...that you can aquire "together"...say whatever will appease him!!! and it is okay to lie at this point!!! Then you call a family member (I called my sister..it can be a close trusted friend...but it MUST be female ...you do not want to add any "fuel to the fire" so to speak!) You arrange for a truck...which my sister had...that is one reason I called this sister!
then you plan the day and time of your "escape" IF it is a time that you know that he will be home...ON THE DAY OF the MOVE... Meet your friend and your truck a block or two from the location that you will be moving from and call the local police department from a cell phone or pay phone and explain the situation to them...that you need to leave but that you are afraid that he will become violent and try to prevent you from getting your stuff out. You give them your location and wait for them to meet you there. Then you will have an escort to the house...the police officer will go with you to the door and explain that you want to remove your things while he (the police officer) waits...This act says that you mean business..and no more being the weak "victim"...Your (ex!) guy will sit down and mind his manners...while you and your sister/friend quickly gather your things into the truck and leave...ONE truck load is all you will be able to get...then it is OVER!!! You leave...and never go back!!!!
If you get back into the SAME situation again....it will be EXTREMELY hard for you to get out again...be cause HE will be on his guard...but please...if he is abusing you even just verbally...know this ONE THING!!!!! He will NOT change!!! IT will ONLY get WORSE as time goes by... and IF you should be so weak as to go back ONCE you made a drastic move like this...it will get MUCH WORSE!!!! He will "tighten" his hold on you so much tighter!!!! YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!! You ARE strong enough to do this...and you ARE smart enough!!!! Good luck!!!! ps...IF HE finds out about this plan...there is always a local "hotline" that you can call and get help and counselling by phone...please please do something...don't allow your self to be treated poorly and berated!!! anymore...BE STRONG!!!!
HOW I GOT OUT OF THE HOUSE WHILE HE WAS HOME:
I told him that I was meeting my sister for coffee and a visit. (you know you have to have an excuse to leave without him that he will "buy"!! Again....GOOD LUCK..and BE STRONG!!!

Answer 2

No you don't. If you want out then you have to get out in hours not days. I left my bf while he was at work. I called friends and relatives in advance, set a date and time, then when he left for work everyone showed up and all of my stuff was loaded in three vehicles and I was out within 2 hours. When he came home that day I was gone as if I had never been there. You can also secretly pack up things you don't use and take them out day by day, put them in storage or at a friend's house. He won't miss things he never sees anyway and that will leave time on "moving day" for the big things and the obvious ones. It's a team effort and can be done, you just REALLY have to be set in mind that this is what you want. Make sure to stay somewhere he doesn't know about, change your cell number and if you have to let your employer know in case he should attempt to stop by your workplace. I did it with no money, it won't be easy but it can be done.

Answer 3

I understand what your going though I've been there myself. The best thing to do is wait till he's not home and get what you can. Then when you go to get the rest of your stuff have the police go with you. DON'T GO BACK WITH OUT THE COPS!

Make sure you find some where safe to stay once your out and try not to let him know where you are. Just be careful if I understand what you mean by possessive, jealous, controlling and that you don't know what he'll do (which I'm sure I do) you have to make sure your a safe as you can be. Just get out now when you still can. PLEASE BE SAFE!

If you need any advise or anything feel free to e-mail me anytime.
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Answer 4

If you are really ready to move, then it will not take you more than one day to move your stuff out. Take a minute and look around you. Take what you need and what's important to you. Everything else can be replaced if he chooses not to let you get the rest of it. Rent a truck, get some friends, preferably a few guys, brothers, uncles, your dad, etc. Move your stuff either to a storage unit or to your new place. Definitely change your number and let him know in no uncertain terms that you don't want anything else to do with him. If you are really afraid of him, then you need to have a police escort you as you move your things out. Guys like this are cowards and he won't be willing to start anything with you if you have someone there with you. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

Well, how many ways can you move out?
What I suggest, considering this is a jealous and possesive guy, leave him a very detailed, and honest note. Tell him it is over. Don't let him think that it is not over bcuz many jealous or possesive guys have a hard time taking no for an answer. Then, before he has read the note (while he is at work, maybe), Move Out. Don't give him time to think he can change ur mind. Allow him to call you and tell him how you feel but make it clear in the note that it is over.

Good Luck! (:l

Answer 6

Well the first thing is amke sure that you don't do it alone, because he is less likely to do anything as long as there is someone there. You start by taking the most important things first and take as much as you can, because you never know what he will do to the rest, I would really try to do most when he is not home so you can fit in a few trips without any problems. Then once you do start do not spend the night in the house stay at a friends until you are all set, Good Luck

Answer 7

Here is the plan...

When he is gone, move out your most important items (things that would really harm you if they were ruined or thrown away).

When he returns, have a friend on standby when you tell him it is over. The 2 of you could talk in the bedroom, the friend could stay in the living room in case a situation occurs.

Hopefully, you will be able to get the rest of your things the next day. Always have someone with you, just in case. Worst case scenario - he will throw your stuff on the lawn or burn it! If that's the case, at least your most precious things were already gone!

Answer 8

Have a friend on stand by outside so if things get weird you have a witness and a little extra protection.
Get your stuff when he's not home. Just get like 4 friends to come help you while he's at work or something, get a couple trucks and just take what you can and leave the stuff that doesn't matter.
Make a better decision on who you date next time.

Answer 9

Plan ahead of time where exactly you're going to go and how you're going to move. Have a friend ready first thing in the morning with a uhaul truck. Bring lots of people to help. Take the day off if you have to. Get all your crap out of there as fast as you can and move. If he's very controlling and possessive, be smart and don't take anything that he might consider as "his" (besides yourself, of course!). Good luck!!!!

Answer 10

Have someone there with you to move your stuff out, each time you go there. When you tell him that you are moving out, have someone outside waiting, to come in and help you move some of your things. I think that would be the best thing to do. I hope everything goes ok for you. You are doing the right thing to get away from him. :0)