Have any like really good little johnnie jokes? post them here!?

Question

my little sister is like a comedian and she does a skit called little johnnie... and we would like to get as many johnnie jokes as possible feel free to e-mail me also... id love to here any great feedback and the best joke gets you 10 points! :):):):):)

Answer 1

Little Johnny's father sat down next to him on the couch one day and said, "Okay, Johnny, once there was this big, black rooster, and it was sitting on a fence post. How many wings does the rooster have?"
Johnny replied, "It has two."
Little Johnny's father then asked, "How many eyes does the rooster have?"
Johnny replied, "It has two."
Little Johnny's father then asked, "Well then, how many legs do you think the rooster had?"
Johnny replied, "It has two, daddy."
So then, Little Johnny's daddy said, "Well then, a big white cat walks up to where the big black rooster is standing on the fence post and opens its mouth to hiss at the rooster. How many teeth does the cat have?"
Little Johnny scratched his head and replied, "I don't know daddy, how many teeth does the cat have?"
Little Johnny's daddy grabbed him by the arm and exclaimed, "Alright boy, how come you know so much about big black C0ck & so little about white pussie?"

******************************...


Little Johnny Deeper was enfatuated with his 4th grade teacher. One day he had to stay after school to be present at his teacher/parent conference. His parents were running late (as usual) and he could no longer fight his urges for his very attractive mid 20's teacher who was dressed in a very short mini-skirt. He left his seat in the back of the class room, ran up to his teacher, knocked her back, lifted her skirt and preceded to have his way with her. Just then his parents walked in and his mother screamed "Johnny Deeper" Without hesitation he shouted back "Jesus Christ women im only 9...Im about as deep as I can get!"

******************************...


Little Johnny walks into his mothers room and hears the word SH*T! Johnny askes "What does that mean?" his mother says " Oh that means putting on makeup"
Little Johnny walkes into his two brothers room, they were fighting and calling each other d*cks and p*ssys Johnny askes "what does that mean" and they said "it means hats and coats"

Little Johnney walks into the kitchen and he hears the word F*CK!


Johnny askes his dad "what does that mean" his dad says it means"stuffing the turkey"
then there was a knock on the door. Johnny opens it . his aunt and uncle were there. Johnny says to them " here let me take your d*cks and p*ssys, moms upstairs putting sh*t on her face and dad's in the kitchen F*cking the turkey!

******************************...

Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother,"Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane..... At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny,this is such an interesting story,suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on daddy's face when you tell it tonight." At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to Tell his story. Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her
take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army.

******************************...

Little Johnny goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God male or female?"
After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well, honey, God is both male and female."
This confuses Little Johnny, so he asks, "Is God black or white?"
"Well, God is both black and white."
This further confuses him so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?"
At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers nonetheless, "Honey, God is both gay and straight."
At this Little Johnny’s face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks, "Mom, is God Michael Jackson?"

******************************...

Little Johnny was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up: fireman, policeman, salesman, etc. Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet, so the teacher asked him about his father.

"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay bar and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offers really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and have sex with him for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring and took little Johnny aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"

" No," said Johnny, "He plays for the Redskins, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids.

******************************...

Little Johnny told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was
dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered Johnny innocently.

You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

******************************...

One day in school, the teacher decides to play 20 questions.

So the teacher says "OK kids, I am thinking of something round, and red"

Little Suzy pipes up "I know, it's a tomato".

"No, it's an apple, but I like the way you think" replies the teacher.

So Little Johnny stands up, places his hand in his pocket and says "I am holding onto something that is round, hard, and has a head on it"

"Go to the principals office" says the teacher.

"It's a quarter" says Johnny "But I like the way you think"

******************************...
One day the teacher walked to the back of the room where Johnny was, and he had his hand down his pants. The Teacher asked, "Johnny, what are you doing?" Johnny said, "It hurts down there." "Well then, you need to go to the nurse and see if you can go home", said the teacher. A little while later, Johnny came back to classroom and sat back down. Then the teacher came to the back of the room again, and he had his **** haging out of his pants. The teacher said, "Johnny, what's that doing hanging out of your pants?!" Then Johnny said, "My mommy said if I can stick it out until noon, she'll come and pick me up."

Answer 2

A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment:
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Ashley says: My father's a farmer and we have alot of egg laying hens.One time we were taking our eggs to the market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road, all the eggs went flying all over the place and broke and made a big mess and the moral of the story is.."Dont put all your eggs in one basket"
"Very good" the teacher says.
Little Sarah next raised her hand and said " My father's a farmer too but we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs but when the eggs hatched we only got 10 live chicks and the moral to this story is "Dont count your chickens before they hatch".
"That was a fine story Sarah, Johnny do you have a story?" asks the teacher.
"Yeah" says Johnny.."my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Shirley. Aunt Shirley was a flight engineer in the Gulf War when her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory. All she had with her was a bottle of Whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the bottle of whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops".
"She killed 70 of them with her machine gun til she ran out of bullets, then she killed 20 more of them with the machete til the blade broke, then she killed 10 more with her bare hands!"
"Good Heavens" said the terrifies teacher, "What kind of moral did your Daddy teach you with that story Johnny?"
"The moral", says Johnny is "Dont F**k with Aunt Shirley when she's been drinking!"

Answer 3

one day in skool little johnny was sittin in the bak of the class room and the teacher asked what part of your bodies go to heaven first. Well he was sittin there rasing his hand and she called on little sussie and she said your hands and the teacher asked why your hands and she says because u pray with them u eat u do everything with them and the teacher says good answer. So little johnny still has his hand up so she calls on little billy and he says your head and the teacher asks why he said because it is the top part of your body so the teacher says ok thats a good answer. So little johnny is sittin in the bak of the room and he is about to jump out of his seat and so the teacher says ok little johnny and he says your feet and the teacher says what and she says why because last night I was walking to the bathroom and i pasted my mom and dads room and i seen daddy on top of mommy and mommy had her feet up in the air saying jesus im coming im coming.

Answer 4

little johnnie was in a great wall.litle johnnie fell down the big wall,he fell and he fell till he fell to the ground the moment he touch the ground he yelled oh god.........

little johnnie's teacher was talking about a scary movie."they should of casted britney spears what do you kids think they should of casted as the main character."
"i think they should of casted jlo"one little girl said.
johnnie raised his hand.
"oh....yes johnnie who do you think they should cast."
"i want to say someone to be the monster"
"ok johnnie who?
"your mother"

Answer 5

Johnny's first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on syllables. She thought it would be a good idea to ask the children if they knew any words with more than one syllable. Little Jane raised her hand, and replied with "Monday". "Great Jane, That has two syllables, Mon...day." The teacher asked if anyone else knew any more and Little Johnny was in the back scareaming "I do! I do!" The teacher knew that Johnny had a mature sense of humor so she tried to ignore him. She picks Mike. Mike says, "Saturday." "Great, that has three syllables..." Johnny didn't want to be outdone so he yells, "I know a four syllable word. Pick me! Pick me!" The teacher didn't think he could do any harm with a word that large so she calls on Johnny. Johnny smiles very proudly and says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion." Even though the teacher was very shocked, she tried to regain her composure and said, "Wow, Johnny. Four syllables! That's certainly a mouthful!" Johnny replies, "No ma'am, you're thinking of *******, and that's only two syllables. "


The pastor was talking to a group of young children about being good and going to heaven. At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?"
"Heaven!" Suzy cried out.
"And what do you have to be to get there?" asked the preacher.
"Six feet under!", yelled Little Johnny.


One day Little Johnny's mom was cleaning his room. In the closet, she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was *highly* upsetting to her. She hid the magazine until his father got home. When Little Johnny's father walked in the door, she irately handed the magazine to him, and said, "THIS is what I found in "your" son's closet."
He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.
Several minutes passed, then she finally asked him,
"Well what should we do about this?"
Little Johnny's dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."


Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Johnny?"
"My goldfish died," replied Johnny tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
He patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."


Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x 3?' I said 6.
"But that's right!"
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?'
"What's the fuXXing difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"


A grade school teacher in Tennessee asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating."
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to Graceland and I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinated."
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him.
Little Johnny said, "My Aunt Gina has a shirt with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight."
The teacher cried.


Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular day, the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to heaven first. One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God."
The teacher praises the little girl as a little boy raises his hand. He says, "I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love."
"Very good," said the teacher. The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny's hand up. "Oh no," she thought, "I'm not gonna like this. Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first?"
Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says, "Your feet." The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first.
He replied, "Well, I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night and my mom had her feet up in the air and she said, 'Oh God, I'm coming!'"

Answer 6

Ok little johnnie deeper was home sick from school one day so a little girl from his class brought him his homework when she got there he told her to go and wait for him in the living room. when he got back he told her to take off he shirt and she said no then johnnie said ill tell my daddy so she did and then he told her to take off her pants and she said no and he said ill tell my daddy, so she did. then he told her to take off her panties and she said no! and he said again ill tell my daddy so she did then he walked towards her and pulled down his pants and ...he told her to put his P ***s in her****** and she said again no! and he told her once more ill tell my daddy so she did and about 5 mins later little johnnies daddy walked in and said JOHNNY DEEPER JOHNNY DEEPER and he said im tryin' daddy im tryin'


not the best but it made me chuckle a bit...

Answer 7

MMM

Little Johnnie.................

Sorry, never heard any?

Cant even think of one to make up.

Answer 8

WHO'S HE????????