Last night i split up with my boyfriend of 2.5 years. It has been a long time coming because he is controlling and has been reasonably aggressive in the past. I just blurted out that i wasnt in love with him anymore last night and that was that. He has been calling non stop crying and begging me, saying he has changed etc. We bought a house 6 months ago and he has moved all of his stuff out today. I feel so lost but i am sure this is what i should be doing. I am only 20, have an amazing job and i own my house and everything should be so good but i have been so miserable lately. I need to know what to do with myself now the biggest thing in my life is gone. HELP!
2006-12-08 01:58:43 · 25 answers · asked by Vicky 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If you are only twenty, the "biggest thing" in your life has not happened.
Homeownership at 20? A great job? You don't strike me as a person who makes the wrong choices.
My suggestion: Step away from the situation this weekend. Get to the gym and work out (release some endorphins). Call a friend you have not spent time with for awhile and take 'em Christmas shopping. Make plans with family for the holidays (to give you some direction in the immediate future).
You seem like a bright young lady. You'll make the right decisiond regarding this guy.
And if he does disappear, I think everyone here will agree that a young lady like you won't have any trouble finding someone else.
Happy holidays!
2006-12-08 02:05:25 · answer #1 · answered by Timothy B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The way you describe your ex-boyfriend, he definitely was not the biggest thing in your life. People do not change in a day or two, I don't believe that your ex-boyfriend has changed, he is just frustrated and is kicking himself for having lost something good, remember that he has lost living in a house he does not own with a woman that he (thought) controlled. If you take him back, I assure you that after all is forgotten, he is going to roll back to his aggressive and controlling attitude. Don't feel miserable, you did the right thing, time will prove that what you considered the biggest thing in your life, was a misery that had to be ripped off. Good luck and please keep your chin high, real happiness awaits you out there.
2006-12-08 02:11:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me just tell you.... you've done the right thing. If he's controling and has been aggresive in his past then its good that you dumped him. Even though you were with him for so long, your still only 20 yrs old. You have your whole life ahead of you to find someone you really are truly in love with. And he's not the biggest thing in your life, your what matters most in your own life. Trust me, I was in your place not to long ago. I left a guy who I no longer had feeling for even though we'd been together almost 2 yrs. It was hard at first, I was sad and depressed but after going out with some friends and looking at my life I realized I didnt need him. Your just in a slump, it wont last long trust me. Just keep looking at how lucky you are to only be 20yrs old, have a good job and a house of your own. Your extrememly blessed. You dont need a man to tell you that.
2006-12-08 02:42:16 · answer #3 · answered by Ash420Granito 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are normal to feel the way you do, of course you will have doubts, but you will have to focus on the real issue here. You don't love him anymore!!! Don't deny your feelings, because you feel like you have caused him pain. How much pain would you both be in later down the road if marriage and children ensued? I wish I could have made the right decision when I was 20 and accidentally got pregnant by a man that was not right for me. NOW my children must suffer from a poor decision I made. Glance into your future with this man the way he is and if you see him for as a good father and husband then let it be, continue. But the way he is now, will be habits you will have to contend with forever. I think you know what is right for you!
2006-12-08 02:10:30 · answer #4 · answered by stacey h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a similar circumstance with a controlling boyfriend and I can guarantee you made the right choice. You're so young and you need to get out there and experience more before you settle down. You sound like a very smart and accomplished girl. You shouldn't be with somebody who is going to hold you back. Besides from personal experience I know that it's not often a guy who says he is "going to change" actually does. You made the right decision, it will be hard to deal with it for a while especially with him begging you to take him back, but you need to just forget about him and look forward.
2006-12-08 02:08:52 · answer #5 · answered by Chelle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have done the right thing. The pain of the break up and loss will subside gradually and you will have a great life in front of you. You are only 20 and you own a house??? That is fantastic. Keep at your amazing job and allow yourself to heal and you will find someone who is much better for you. Don't let him "sob" you into taking him back.
2006-12-08 02:05:12 · answer #6 · answered by braennvin2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because he is controlling you will feel lost for a while, when some one is telling you what to do and what not to do you loose your own identity. Don't worry it will some come back, get yourself new friends or pick up with your old ones. It is Christmas and every body will be out enjoying themselves so just join in, it will be hard and you will just have to push yourself. Find a really nice fella under the mistletoe and Good Luck.
2006-12-08 02:13:06 · answer #7 · answered by Audrey L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your ex-boyfriend is the aggressive type and controlling then he should`t be with anyone until he learns to grow up. You are better off without his sought. Being only 20 you want to be enjoying yourself wipe the tears and get out and have some fun.
2006-12-08 02:54:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only time will tell if youve made the right decision. But to me it seems like you have. Youve taken a big step and it will feel odd for a while, but im sure in time youll find someone to appreciate you, which is what everyone deserves. so just be strong & hold on to the good things that you have got.
2006-12-08 02:29:31 · answer #9 · answered by Lau Lau 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes you can never be sure that you have done the right thing, because every action has an equal and opposite reaction (sic).
You have made a decision for what seems to be the right reasons.
People can make mistakes, but sometimes the biggest mistakes are those that we make to go backwards.
I think you know in you head and heart what you want......give it time to sink in and move on.
Controlling and/or aggressive people do not change.....they usually get worse.
Take care
2006-12-08 02:04:54 · answer #10 · answered by Ess Jay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋