Is this hypocrisy?

Question

My 14 yr old brother just started smoking. My dad is a smoker and doesn't know whether or not he has the right to try and stop him or not. He wants to be a good example but he doesn't want to be a hypocrite either. Also, he knows a kid is gonna find a way to do what they want anyway. If a kid wants to smoke, they're gonna smoke. What does everyone think? Hypocritical or not?

Answer 1

It sounds like your dad is having some strong emotions over your brother smoking. Is it possible he could channel those emotions into a stronger push to stop? Maybe make a vow with your brother to both quit? Sometimes bad things can provide motivations for good things to happen.

Answer 2

This is not an example of hypocrisy. As the parent, your father has a responsibility to take care of his children and guide them in making good decisions. There are also legal issues involved with your 14 year old brother smoking, which is all the more reason your dad must stand firm in his insistence that your brother doesn't smoke. In the state in which we live, 18 is the legal age for smoking, so your brother is breaking the law. Realistically, however, your dad is not going to be able to be with your brother 24/7 so he will only be able to enforce the rule of no smoking while your brother is at home or in your vehicle or in the presence of your father. This would be a good time for your dad to tell your brother the downside of smoking. Maybe, as a family, you could help your dad stop, if he wants to. There is no good side to smoking and if your brother can stop before he is addicted he will be healthier and live a longer life.

Answer 3

Well this might give your dad a real incentive to give up smoking once and for all! Good for both your dad and your 14 yr old brother then.

I don't think it's hypocritical if your dad genuinely tries to give up smoking at the same time as telling your brother to give up. Your dad should warn your brother about all the nasty things that could happen, like lung cancer.

It is a crucial time to stop your brother smoking now, as the more time passes, the more he's gonna get addicted. By that time, it'll be much harder. So I think your dad should not concentrate on the issue of hypocritical or not.

Answer 4

Hypocrisy such as this is part of parenting. One is an adult and the other is a minor. As a parent the father has a duty to not only protect his son from harm as well as respect the law. Whether the father smokes or not is irrelevant. His deciding to take chances with his health does not mean he should let his minor son take chances with his.

I smoke, which is stupid. I also occasionally drink. I also drive a car and vote and do things other ADULTS can do. Does that mean it's OK if my minor child does them? Of course not. They're against the law. Once a child is legally an adult he or she is free to make any stupid decision. The parent can tsk tsk but that's about it. The father needs to be a parent, to teach his son what's right even if he doesn't necessarily do it himself. "Setting a good example" only means anything in retrospect. Twenty years from now is the son going to look back and think "My dad really cared for me" or "My dad was a pushover."

So, yes if they were both adults it would be hypocritical. But they're not. One is a child and parenting is full of hypocrisy and paradox.

Answer 5

I think it would be hypocritical if you father, a smoker, simply said to your brother "don't smoke!" and left it at that. However, if he uses the fact that he is a smoker and talks to your brother about all the reasons he wishes he was not a smoker/had never started to smoke, about how it makes him feel physically and psychologically, and how difficult it is to feel like you can't quit, then it's not hypocritical at all.

Whether your father actually feels that way is something I don't know, obviously. If he smokes, is perfectly fine with that, has no desire to quit, and doesn't think there's anything wrong with it, well, then, different story. However, that your father (as you suggest) doesn't want your brother to smoke suggests that he's not exactly A-Okay with smoking.

As with most things, it's in how you present it.

That said, your brother, especially at 14, may view it as hypocrisy no matter how it's framed. That's part of the beauty (ha!) of adolescence. Plus, most of the health arguments don't carry much weight at that age; they think they're invincible (as did we).

Answer 6

I don't think it's hypocritical. My hubby has been smoking most of his life and would whoop our daughter's butt if she ever started. He's being trying to quit for the last 5 years and hasn't succeeded yet. Even if your brother sees it as hypocritical you dad is only doing it because he knows how hard it is to try to break the habit once it's ingrained. My hubby isn't allowed anywhere near our daughter while smoking or while wearing clothes he's smoked in. He's not allowed to smoke inside or anywhere near our apartment. So he misses out on lots of quality time because he's off feeding his nicotine cravings. You dad just doesn't want to see your brother end up that way.

Answer 7

Your dad is an adult. Your brother is not. It's not hypocritical for your father to tell your brother that if he wants to smoke, he's going to wait until he's of legal age. Basically what your dad is doing right now is saying "It's ok to drink and smoke without being of legal age to do either one."

If I were in your fathers shoes, the son would have his room reviewed and his jacket pockets, shirt pockets and pant pockets and backpack searched randomly. If I found cigarettes, all items of entertainment and pleasure would be removed and he would be left with only the bare necessities and he would be grounded, 1 week first infraction, 2 weeks 2nd infraction, a month third infraction, etc. *Shrugs*

Answer 8

If I was allowed to smoke at 14 at home I'd have smoked a hell of a lot more. And it's illageal under 16 to smoke anyway. You're right, he'll still find a way, but dont encourage it at home. And it's defo not hypocritical of your Dad. He just wants the best for his children

Answer 9

Since the law in the US states that a person must be 18-years-old in order to be able to smoke legally, I think your father could simply use that as his leverage and forget about the hypocrisy issue.

Whether or not your father smokes means very little when your brother is doing something illegal.

When your brother is 18, and legally old enough to smoke, then, your father should lay off and let him do whatever he chooses, provided it is legal.

And, I smoke, so I'm speaking from that point of view.

Good luck!

Answer 10

The father is already addicted and has the experience to know what smoking can do to a body. I don't think it's being hypocritical if he wants better for his son. It's hard to set an example when you do it yourself but he probably feels the affects of it and knows what will happen to his son if he continues it.