Am I really that shallow?

Question

Ive never been a real ladies man, im shy and lack all confidence when it comes to talking to women. Im kind, sensative and a good listener, which is why i think women like me, i see myself as an old romantic.
I have been single now for the past 6 months after my long term girlfriend of 2 and a half years cheated on me and broke my heart.
Now everygirl i date or get into a relatonship with doesnt measure up, i find faults, exscuses for things "us" not to work. is it me being shallow and looking for perfection too much, or am i still harbouring feelings for my ex? i dont know anymore, i dont want to feel for her, but i dont know why i cant connect with anyone else.
my friends call me a good looking guy, but my ex was out of my league, i find myself looking for someone else out of me league some one to sow off as well.
ive tried being hoest, so please no sarcy comments.

Answer 1

Maybe you look for faults in the girls because if you get too serious about them, you're worried that they will cheat on you and you'll get hurt all over again. It's not uncommon for people that have gone through that to feel this way and react in the same manner.

Try thinking about how this affected you and ask yourself if you've really gotten past this hurt. You need to understand that your ex cheating on you was not a failing of your own, but a failing in her. She was unable to be committed and respectful to you and betrayed your trust. That was her fault, not yours. And the next girl you meet may indeed do the same to you, there's never any guarantees, but she may also be the one person that you are truly meant to be. Don't throw that opportunity away because one girl was stupid and selfish and hurt you.

Learn to get past this and you'll be fine. It may not happen tomorrow, it may not happen next week, but it will happen. Just give it time.

Answer 2

You sound like a nice guy. i wouldn't say you're shallow, just have high standards that you look for in a girl. If you are still thinking about your ex then perhaps you're trying to find someone just like her, but everyone is unique so you might as well give up on finding someone exactly like her. You'll have to meet up with a fair few ladies before you find another one that you connect with, it's part of the elimination process. You will one day just find someone who will be special to you, but in the mean time make the most of being single coz the grass is always greener!

Good luck and don't dwell on it for too long coz life's too short x

:-)

Answer 3

Are you kidding, this guy is shallow. He is just looking for a prize to show off to his friends. He is dating girls for the wrong reason. You are not looking for love but a hood ornament. You are finding faults in a relationship because you are looking for perfection. You are breaking up because maybe she has a crooked tooth or she's not tall enough or she does not measure up to your ex. You have to get past it and don't worry about what your friends think. If you do, all your relationships will end in disaster. Also, I think you need to grow up a little. My honest oppion, not trying to give you a scary answer, but you need a good kick in the butt.

Answer 4

Oh I do feel for you it is probably like you say you were hurt so much that you just aren't ready.

Don't go out looking for someone just go out and have fun being single isn't a bad thing and you don't find love it finds you!

Also please don't be shallow as to looks of a girl she may look the part but does she play it well!

You can't help who you fall in love with and people are lucky if they do fall in love so don't restrict your chances by only going for "out of your league girls"

Answer 5

Hey babes - sorry havent been onto you for ages - seriously though from having our chats you're a great guy (Id snap you up if I was ten years younger!!) maybe you should just stop looking for faults and learn to enjoy the relationships you get into!
It sounds like you're going about looking for flaws in these ladies - just put your ex to the back of your mind and get on with it!
Take care! xx

Answer 6

You may be trying to find perfection because you can never find perfection. If you don't find perfection then you'll break up w/ them before you get a chance to get hurt again. Its takes a lot but try to put yourself out there you may get hurt again but its better then never finding the right person. Good Luck!!

Answer 7

I think that you don't want to be hurt again,and looking for faults in girls is like self-defence.Like: keeping distance from people,to not get close with someone cause you might get hurt again...Maybe you blame yourself for something with your ex,but you need to understand that everyone is special,and so are you,and you MUST NOT think that you're less worth than someone!!!Especially in love relationship...I think that if you treat someone good,and that one cheats on you in anykind of way,that person is selfish,insensitive and doesn't think of anyone else except for her/his A*S*S!Be brave & proud of yourself,Romeo :)

Answer 8

confident. the only time I hangout with my fat acquaintances is while their parents are out of city, and that i will use their place to throw a celebration, plus while i'm inebriated i do no longer probable think of approximately them being fat, so i assume i'm no longer that shallow.

Answer 9

Your not shallow but just lower your expectations as a woman theres nothing worse than feeling 2nd best to the ex

Answer 10

I sould say that you're still stuck on your ex (been there myself). Problem is that you see things in the new girls that aren't as good as your ex - what you don't see is the bad things in your ex that these new girls do better - you will though, just takes a little time.