Joke 4 the day,, have fun.?

Question

Man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes
in and says "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably
won't remember but you were in a serious accident on the motorway.
You're going to be OK, you'll walk again, everything, but something
happened. I'm trying to break this gently but your penis was chopped off
in the wreck and we were unable to find it."

The bloke groans a bit, but the doctor goes on "But it's going to be
alright, we have the technology now to build you a new one that will
work as well as your old one did, better in fact. But the thing is, it
doesn't come cheap. It's a thousand pounds an inch".

The bloke perks up at this, even though it's a thousand pounds an inch.

"So the thing is" the doctor says, " it's for you to decide how many
inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife.
I mean, if you had a five inch one before and you decide to go for a
nine incher she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one
before and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time she
might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a vital role in
helping you make the decision."

So the bloke agrees to talk with his wife and the doctor comes back the
next day. "So" says the doctor "Have you spoken with your wife?"
"I have," says the fellow. "And has she helped you in making the
decision?" "She has," says the bloke."And what is it?" asks the doctor.

The bloke looks up and says "We're having a new kitchen".

Answer 1

Oh great thanks.

Answer 2

Thats really funny.

Here are some for you

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?" The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need were in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" The wife replied,
"You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those 'dumb blonde' jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. You're finished already?" the husband asked. "Yes," the blonde replied,"and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed >it to her.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
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There's this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying." "No, it's not that. Today day is the worst of my life. First, I overslept and late to an important meeting. My boss, outrageous, fired me. When I left the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police, they said they could do nothing. I got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my whole wallet in the cab. I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener. I left home and came to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison ..."
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naughty little Johnny @ the class

During one of her daily classes, a teacher was trying to teach good manners,

asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date, having dinner with a nice young lady,

how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said, "Just a minute, I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite.

"What about you Peter, how would you say it?" Peter said, "I'm sorry,

but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at

the dinner table."

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your

good manners?"

I would say, "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to

shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to

meet after dinner."
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BYE - Imtiyaz G

Answer 3

Not bad but presentation needs a bit of work to make the punchline funnier

Answer 4

I suppose if he is bandaged head to foot he will be the Mummy in the kitchen, cooking instead of f******

Answer 5

Ha Ha Ha.

Answer 6

Not bad

Answer 7

Man, that wife is frigid cold!!!

Answer 8

fierily ok for a joke.

Answer 9

ooook