Hi I'm a mother of 3 boys, 4, 8 and 13. I've been having some problems with the 8 year old as of late. Well yesterday after school the 13 year old and 8 year old got into again for the 3rd time this week so I sent them up to their room for time out. They share a room and they started fighting again. So i went up there and lost my temper.
I told the 8 year old enough is enough and told him he was getting spanked (he had this coming a long time). So i grabbed the desk chair, hauled him over my lap, and gave him a good one on his bare bottom.
My 13 year old was laughing and thought this was funny. So I told I don't him "I know what your laughing at because your next." I wasn't planning on this, but after I was done with the 8 year old, I grabbed the other one and he put up a bit of the fight, but he ended up getting the same treatment as his brother. He thought he was mr tough guy, but cried just like little brother.
I feel bad and am not sure i did the right thing.
2006-12-08 00:18:05 · 11 answers · asked by Mary M 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Well both my boys are still very immature. We don't spank any of the kids very often at all. Usaully we ground them, time outs or take away there things.
We warned the 8 year a couple of days ago and then I followed through yesterday.
I wasn't planning on spanking the other one until he ran his mouth and then laughed at his brother. He thought it was ffunny to see his brother get punished, so I thought it would be fair to return the favor.
I hadn't spanked the older one in probably almost a year, but it was probably a good reminder to him that he isn't too big to be punished. He struggled with me a little and squirmmed a lot more than his brother but the result was the same. After about 10 smacks he was crying more than his younger brother.
2006-12-08 01:30:15 · update #1
Don't feel bad about it. It doesn't sound like you spank them all the time or did it overly hard this time. Maybe it's what they needed to snap them out of the funk they were in. Maybe next time they'll think about this before they keep fighting. Chin up... you sound like a caring parent - and that's huge! :-)
2006-12-08 00:29:33 · answer #1 · answered by zaniest1 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
It's been suggested to me that sending kids to their room is futile because it doesn't really reflect punishment if there are distractions present. Time outs should be free of distractions in order for them to focus on the punishment at hand, they should last a minute for each year of their age and should not be spent together. You also need to confront them when the time is up as to why they are being punished. Listen to their side of the story so they feel validated. Using some of their words in response confirms that you heard them. Suggest a way to resolve the issue so everybody is (more or less) happy with the outcome and apologies are encouraged but not dire. Be consistant about punishing unacceptable behaviour and should they test you, take away favourite toys for a while and let them earn it back after some time away.
Avoid yelling. It shows them that you're losing control of the situation and it starts to lose its effectiveness if overused.
LASTLY and MOST IMPORTANT... kids need praise for good behaviour. If they are doing a quiet activity or helping someone, let them know how pleased you are. They'll look to do it more often.
I hope I've helped. Hang in there, you're doing a good job.
2006-12-08 04:37:58 · answer #2 · answered by Shorty 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I personally think that you may have waited too long to enforce corporal punishment. If you had been spanking occasionally right along, it may not have come to this. I don't understand why you would send them to their room TOGETHER when the fighting was the problem in the first place. But.. in the future, you should not punish one in front of the other like that, it only makes the situation worse and adds a level of anger and humiliation to the 8 year old, and therefore probably has little effect. I think the 13 year old is of course way too old for spankings , but if he had it coming, at least it may have put him in his place. I also have 3 kids. The best way to have them behave consistently, is to not yell alot (they stop hearing) and to MEAN what you say. So if they don't listen, you calmly tell them, if you don't stop, you have no TV or Computer, and then MEAN IT and follow through. Only you know what the "currency" for each child is. I am not against spanking per se, but they are a little past the age where it is effective and appropriate. The four year old is still at a good age, where if he knows the threat is real, it may help behavior. Just don't waste your time with "time outs". Mete out just, swift, age appropriate punishment, that means something to THEM, and isn't just a way for you to blow off steam.
Having said that, DO NOT beat yourself up. The very "best" of parents do about a million things we wish we didn't and I'm not even above telling my kids " hey, I'm only human, I lose my temper too and sometimes do the wrong thing, but you need to respect me and help me". something like that. Don't worry, you are just a normal mom and no permanent harm is done. Just try to keep one step ahead and plan to be proactive instead of REactive. Best of luck to you.
2006-12-08 00:35:04 · answer #3 · answered by Coco 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Sounds like what I would have done. The only thing to change change is, not to lose your temper first. In our home spanking is a planed event, not done out of anger and rage. We usually have our girls sit on the bed for a while, have a little talk, then do the spanking. Like you did, pants always come down for a spanking, this is more of a old fashioned way, but we feel it works better. So the only thing I would have changed was, not losing my temper first.
2006-12-08 01:33:07 · answer #4 · answered by olschoolmom 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I only have a couple seconds to write something, but I will tell you what worked for me and my family. People are seriously asking me daily what I do with my kids because it's amazing.
www.easychild.com
The basic package is $29 but worth it.
They fall over themselves trying to do their chores. They do what is asked and ask for more. For 2 weeks now they've gotten their own breakfast, made their beds and done a selection of chores. The "Yes Maams" and "Yes Sirs" kind of make us giggle but "good manners" is an extra behavior on there and now- it comes naturally.
It's good for up to 7 kids and all age ranges. It does all the calculations and the kids love it. Seriously. They've told people that they like not having to guess what is expected of them. Seriously...that's how my 9 year old put it. I never realized that I hadn't spelled it out for them before.
Good luck and don't fret - none of us are perfect.
2006-12-08 04:06:11 · answer #5 · answered by iam1funnychick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there became no link between toddlers playing video games and violence they does no longer have rankings on them! convinced some toddlers should be troubled by them. My son is 12 i visit enable him to play some M rated video games, yet there are some toddlers who cant take care of it, they get so into the "on-line sport international" they don't differentiate sport from actual life and then you commence having complications. I you're on condition that your baby is having complications after playing certian video games take those video games away you may want to do what's nice on your baby. different toddlers react different to each and every thing which includes video games, violent television exhibits, and so on.
2016-11-24 22:50:21 · answer #6 · answered by jowers 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont feel bad, you did the same thing I wouldve done. I have to say how did you expect a time out to work? They were in their room, the room they share. Their room is where all the fun stuff is...........put them in the corner or anywhere that is seperate and boring.
2006-12-08 01:44:20 · answer #7 · answered by Stewiesgal 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You did do the right thing. People say that spanking is child abuse, I disagree, unless you leave a bruise on them that lasts more than 24 hours. Kids these days need more punishment. When I was a kid and I said or did something wrong, I was in for it with my dads belt or a wooden spoon. And to this day I have much self-dicipline, and have never been in any trouble. My motto to my daughter is "IF you don't stop that I'm gonna beat you like a red-headed step child"
2006-12-08 00:31:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 3⤋
It does feel bad. From what I can tell it was not your intentions. We all blow it once in awhile. Look forward. You have two boys, going into puberty. God Help You. DON'T send them to their room for time outs. I know it gives us a moment, but they need to sit where there is nothing of interest. Living room with no computer, or TV on. Dining room table. Something like that. The other thing someone told me when I was where you are. " Puberty is mother natures way of weening them off us, or........... Us off them." Understand it's time for a little responsibilities and independence (with discipline, monitoring, and LOVE). Family First, by Dr. Phil is really helpful for alot of things. ADD ON AFTER READING SOME ANSWERS. Remember if your boys are like mine, he's going to get bigger than you. Than who's gonna beat hit who. Hitting teaches' hitting, resolving problems by talking and analyzing teaches..............
2006-12-08 00:47:50 · answer #9 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
when they are bad u must do that ok it will work just dont spank thm so hard they can feel it for a week
2006-12-08 09:03:27 · answer #10 · answered by runescapeslayerx 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋