I had slept once in the past with a black guy, but it didn't count for much to me. My white bf (whom i love & engajed to), said last night that he would break up a relation or would never ever date or touch a white girl, if he knew she had slept with a black guy. Should i tell him my past secret or not ??? I worry that if i don't & then we get married, maybe one day he would find out & destroy his trust in me & our marriage. What to do ?
2006-12-08 00:08:30 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
tell him the truth and if he loves you then he will understand that it was in your past and your future is with him and that is what counts. Be brave.
2006-12-08 00:24:48 · answer #1 · answered by hotty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should NOT go into this marriage without telling him your secret AND being certain that it won't backfire on you down the road (because it will if you don't fess up now)!!! Plus, it sounds to me like he already knows - his saying he'd end a relationship if he found out a woman (you) ever had sex with a black man sounds as if he was fishing for your reaction and maybe to see if you'd confess or deny ever having done such a thing.
Someone who wouldn't even touch a woman because she'd been to bed with a black man is highly prodigious. Personally I'd be afraid of such hate, and I'd bet it doesn't end with skin color either! I'm curious as to how long you've known this guy and not known he's racist. What else don't you know?
2006-12-09 10:08:59 · answer #2 · answered by Joycee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO, it was in the past, YOUR PAST! So it makes no difference. Plus he's highly racist and I highly doubt just because you were with someone black that he would break up with you, if he does they you are better off. But I think he's just saying that, he'd never really go through it. Perhaps he should open his mind up and learn to execpt that just because someone skin is a different color doesn't make them any less than a human being. Don't rock the boat, just keep it to yourself. What he doesn't know won't hurt him, what he does know could irrate him....just keep it to yourself.
2006-12-08 08:16:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are going to get married, TRUST MUST be first in the relationship. If you can not trust one another then you can never make a marriage work. I hope that he has enough sense to see that you are worth more than his "petty racial problem". Spend Christmas with Family and have a great time!!
Eds
2006-12-08 08:16:18 · answer #4 · answered by Eds 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! And you still want him as a boyfriend and a possible husband? Best to find out now if he truly is a racist, I suppose.
Ask yourself one more question, however: what if he says he was just kidding then, you get married, and from that moment on uses that as a verbal weapon against you? What if? It happens, it really does.
Darling, start looking for a boyfriend who does not care about your past boyfriends and just loves you for who you are. That is a real man.
2006-12-08 08:15:29 · answer #5 · answered by NeoArt 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think everyone has things in their pasts that they are either ashamed of or do not want to be judged for (like how many people you have slept with). To me this is different....he is basically telling you that he is a racist and considers white girls who sleep with black guys "tainted." That is just creepy! Do you want to marry a guy with such ignorant thinking? Do you want to feel like you have to confess to a supposed crime in his eyes? Or, do you want to live with your secret, knowing he would freak out if he ever found out? I would definitely tell him, but do not apologize--you are not guilty of anything. Make sure you present it just like that.
2006-12-08 08:22:57 · answer #6 · answered by schweetums 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all he's a really weird guy. and he's a racist. black people arent dirty or something. if you love him, tell him but you have to face the consequences. if you dont love him and you dont trust him, dont tell him. you're in a really bad position right now. forget the past if you want to be with him.
2006-12-08 08:18:30 · answer #7 · answered by 53283663 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him, and if he leaves your for that reason it just showes that he really dose not have unconditional love for you and honey you need unconditional love in a marriage ya know? all you can do is tell him and see what happens
2006-12-08 08:19:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A... he's telling you he's racist. Are you comfortable with that about him.
B......if it's in the past it's not relevant, unless you still see the guy.
2006-12-08 08:11:23 · answer #9 · answered by Sugar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should never keep anything from your BF
2006-12-08 08:38:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋