I'm dating this girl who seems to like things in the bedroom to be VERY aggressive. It's a bit strange for me -- not that I need my hand held in the middle of things, but I'm not sure how far it's supposed to go or how 'hard' it's supposed to be. She seems to like having her hair pulled a bit as well as be slapped in the face. And she also asks me to always say really dirty things to her. Has anyone eles ever been through this? How far is it supposed to go?
2006-12-08 00:06:22 · 24 answers · asked by Andy J 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You need to establish safe words. Try like the stop lights: green, yellow, red.
Green - do more of that, lots
Yellow - that is approaching my limits
Red - stop that right now, no discussion, stop
And you feel free to use them with her, too. Say when she asks for something that you do not want to do, "Sorry, but that is a RED with me."
Whatever you do, make sure you both are ok with it. Remember that you have feelings, too. And of course, never ever do something that can get you in trouble with the law.
2006-12-08 00:10:50 · answer #1 · answered by NeoArt 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Depends on the person. I can't tell you how rough I like it and it be the same thing that she wants. You need to have a talk with her, ask her just how far you can take it. Come up with a stop word (obviously other than stop) in case its getting too aggressive for her. Have fun, but if it isn't something that you are comfortable doing, don't do it, and don't assume that ALL girls like to play dirty, each girl is different.
2006-12-08 00:11:10 · answer #2 · answered by BiancaVee 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-09-03 10:24:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down with her outside of the bedroom and discuss limits. It's not fair to put in the position you're in when you don't know how far you can go. Just ASK her, and come up with a safe word that either one of you can say to stop the action immediately if someone goes over the line. People need to communicate more in the bedroom.
2006-12-08 00:09:01 · answer #4 · answered by They call me ... Trixie. 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Neo Art: sex is about open dialogue, not just what one partner wants. Learn to talk openly about your expectations and hers, and ask yourself what your comfortable limits truly are. And, by all means, establish the "safe words" for both of you and adhere to them absolutely. Violation of established limits should be considered non-consensual and not tolerated.
For many women, mild pain and submission of control is a turn-on, but some enjoy more than others. If her level of pain/pleasure is uncomfortable for you she will either need to compromise or find a partner better suited. Yes, I have known women who liked to be put in physical pain and even cut during sex. The more extreme ones often (but not always) had emotional difficulties and needed the pain to feel "real". Others just enjoyed the extra stimulation and had a higher pain threshold than normal. Try role playing each other's fantasies and see where that gets you?
2006-12-10 14:35:11 · answer #5 · answered by Hauntedfox 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a normal feeling for many people, they might be in charge on be a very forceful person throughout the day, they tend to like the subservance during sex and see it as a release.
Try not to think about it too much, just go with the flow and dont do anything YOU dont like. It sounds to me that your gf will tell you if you go to far, so just have some fun
2006-12-08 00:11:23 · answer #6 · answered by carrienicholson23 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to ask her how far it's supposed to go. Maybe the best thing to do is establish a safety word. Something she can say to tell you when it's gone too far.
You have to keep the lines of communication open with her to make sure that the fantasy continues to be pleasurable and doesn't become too much.
2006-12-08 00:09:06 · answer #7 · answered by Kitia_98 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well i have a ones but not slapping round the face only pulling hair and bitein a bit with me, some like it really aggressive i just got on with it and every time done it a bit harder she should say to you when its a bit to much.
2006-12-08 00:12:19 · answer #8 · answered by aaron f 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex and having sex in a way one likes is so personal.
Tastes differ.
In this case, she likes spanking, hurting and various forms of acts that arouses her. If you love her, you will not mind doing this to her. You will enjoy it with her.
If it is a turn-off for you, then you are not in the same league. Sex is so important for building a relationship that if it is distasteful to you and you think you will not be able continue such a lifestyle for longterm, then drop her now.
It is better than to go thru agony and hell. That's my advise to you.
From what you have written, it comes loud and clear, you are not her type.
2006-12-08 00:13:44 · answer #9 · answered by Nightrider 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is something that you will have to decide on your own. All the advice in the world will not change the fact that you can only take this to whatever level you feel comfortable with.
Do not try to please her if it negatively affects your own enjoyment. If you like it, and you both get off, then I don't see the problem. Sex is about being who you are with no reservations, and confronting what pleases you. Do not let someone else's fetishes change what sex is to you.
2006-12-08 00:33:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋