Mother in law is getting on my nerves. What should I do?

Question

Yesterday I had a procedure done in the dr's office, and she basically forced herself to go. My husband was going, why did she feel the need to go? My mom wasn't going because I told her my husband was going. But no...my MIL always takes it upon herself to be right in the middle! Anyway, yesterday she made a comment about my mom not being outgoing. My mom is shy & she sort of has a bad self esteem so she may be not outgoing & not as talkative as my MIL but my mom is the nicest person in the whole world. She isn't as wealthy as his parents but she is a single mom raising my younger sister the best she can! She also made the comment that she don't know how to talk to my mom. WTF? That is the 2nd time she has said my mom isn't outgoing. I'm tired of her acting like this. She says she don't want to make my mom jealous or mad & that she don't want to step b4 her when it comes to me but she sure is bossy sometimes! We are going to be trying to conceive soon & in a way I dread it!

The only reason I dread having a baby is because she is going to be the same way about the baby...overstepping her boundaries!! She already said she wants to take a week off & come stay with us when I have it... hellooo...my husband will be there to help me!! My son is her only child so I guess this why she is like that. I love my husband so much but his mom is tough to handle sometimes!

Answer 1

Your husband needs to stand up for you. He should put her in her place by telling her how rude and inappropriate her comments are. She obviously has very little tact. In my opinion she must have low self esteem to be picking on your mom. Has she never met a shy person in her life? If you ask me, she should learn a bit from your mother and keep her MOUTH SHUT. Explain to your husband it is his job to tell her to back off and that her comments hurt your feelings....he needs to mention what a great person your mother is and that she is just shy.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Ok you have to nip this in the bud because if not, when you do have a baby, you will be miserable w/ the MIL, you think she's making life bad now...just wait..Trust me from expierence what you need to do is tell her, you know . My mom is shy & she sort of has a bad self esteem so she may be not outgoing & not as talkative as YOU but my mom is the nicest person in the whole world. She isn't as wealthy like YOU but she is a single mom raising my younger sister the best she can! I would also mention to her when she made the comment that she don't know how to talk to my mom, kind of upset me because it sounded like she was putting herself on a whole other level. I would tell her you love her and appreciate all she wants to do in your life but you have to draw a line somewhere.

This is YOUR life girl and if you and your hubby dont get reign on the MIL now, it will only get worst

Answer 3

You need to be more honest with her. It will be difficult & it may cause friction ~ AT FIRST. In the end you will all benefit from it. Tell her it makes you uncomfortable when she talks about your mother, & if she wants to open the lines of communication with your mom she could simply talk to her more. As for the week stay, tell her you truly appreciate it, but you & your husband would like to spend the first couple weeks alone with the baby; enjoying your new family. You really need to develop your own relationship with her. She needs to be more than just the MIL. You should discuss the situation with your husband as well, & tell him you expect his support.

Answer 4

I FEEL FOR YOU! I experienced that also. What I did was, constant prayers and guts to talk to my MIL that what she is doing is not ok for me anymore. I think you all have to sit down and talk over the issues.But first talk to your husband. Tell him what you want to do. If he agrees, then good, but if not then try to persuade him until he agrees. Granting it will happen, then that's the time that you can pour out all your feelings towards your MIL, tell her what you want in a manner that she will not also be offended!Of course donot expect that that it would be a smooth sailing thing to do. There's a possibility that she will hate you for that and you can expect bad words to come out. But stay cool! They are like that because they are already insecure. Wait till you become a MIL. Instead of strengthening the feeling not liking your MIL, why don't you try to study her and try to discover things that will make you closer to your MIL. Mind you, she is just acting like that because she also feels that you don't actually like her. Use reverse psychology! Hit her weaknesses and let us see what will happen next.

Answer 5

Wow BB2, sorry to hear that! There's a lot I could say about this but, I'm going to keep it short and to the point.

I would explain to your to better half how you feel about this. (If you haven't already) This your Mom that she's talking about and she certainly has no right to talk down about her/ criticize her. He needs to pull her to the side and explain to her how your feeling!

If you've expressed this to your better half already then it's up to you to nicely explain to your MIN how you feel. You don't have to get mad at her just say, Hey look I would appreciate it if you wouldn't talk about my Mom that way. Or, Would you mind keeping your comments to yourself.

Also, if you don't want her around in the personnel things your doing...Don't tell her about it until after it's done. If you live with her then that may be a problem but, explain to her how you feel!

Try to get all this addressed before the baby machine gets working to! One thing you don't need is a lot of stress that can be avoided by simply asking her to keep her comments to herself.

There's loving and then there's The Outlaws! Good Luck with both....Kids Are Truly A Blessing!

Answer 6

Unfortunately, there's really nothing you can do as she's a part of your family. However, what you can do is to talk to your husband about it so that he would talk to her to back off a little bit as she will be more likely to listen to him and may not get offended (esp if it was you telling her to her face).

If your hubby is being overdramatic, i suggest you use wisdom to tackle the matter. If she wants to come, let her come (ever watched Monster-in-law by J-Lo), make her stay miserable while acting sweet and polite. With time, she'll get the message.

Answer 7

You know what?she is the same today as she was when you and he were dating.She is who she is and she will not change who she is. You can either humor her or make your self miserable by always saying the negative about her.She is who she is and that's your husbands mother and just as you feel justified in defending your mom he will feel the same .A very smart woman who really loves her husband will find a way to make peace with his mother even if you feel she isn't what you want her to be,you will prove too be quite a wife and quite the woman if you can swallow your pride and find a way to let her in without feeling abused by her love for her family.

Answer 8

Well it sounds like your mother in law is involved alittle too much but it also sounds like she likes you and cares about you. My mother in law on the other hand is the most selfish mother in law you could ever meet she believes everything is her way or the highway. so we have conflict. I want to poke her eye out and pull her hair but I can;t do that to my husband. Next time mother in law oversteps her boundries your husband needs to speek up. Was he a momma's boy? Sounds like it. She needs to learn how to step back and let you do important things as a couple

Answer 9

Smack your MIL out!
She said stuff about your Mama!

(not that i condone violence) but you really need to tell your MIL to MHOB!

I feel for you.

OH.. and you do NOT want this woman staying over when you have a baby!! She will CONTROL everything!
Your hubby needs to have a serious chat to her to live her life without interferring in yours.
Good Luck

Answer 10

Tell her to keep her opinion on your mother to herself, being shy isn't a bad thing, but in-your- face can be annoying, tell his mom to tone it down a bit.