someone i have been in a relationship with for more than five years,what to do?

Question

he is so much in love but i try to love him back but i really dont feel love but affection and care,i dont want to hurt his feeling by telling him that i dont love him,moreover we have been through alot to let go now.he has proposed marriage and i dont want to enter a marriage that is based on affection as to me,please people i need your advise coz i dont know what to think anymore.this is a very important question to me so please NO JOKERS AROUND.

Answer 1

Even though you have said that you don't want to hurt him by telling him that you don't love him any more, you really need to. If this goes any further there will be a lot of hurt for both of you and I'm sure that's not what you want either. Even though you feel affection for him, it's not enough, you both have to be in the relationship for love. You need to try to move on and to let him start the healing process and move on. It's going to be hard for you because you are going to have to hurt him, but I think you realise in your heart that you can not let this go on any further.

Answer 2

Maybe you rely on his love, you haven't had space to realise how much he really means to you. Sometimes someone has to have some distance to see in focus. I'm not saying that this is what is happening here, but if you've been together so long something must have kept you there. Maybe you need to have some time on your own to think about it - it doesn't have to be a rejection. You're being very thoughtful, many people would be so bowled over someone loved them they wouldn't think of the future, you can explain that you have to have a strong foundation before you go any further and you need time just with yourself to look at where you want to be. Good luck

Answer 3

Hello,

I think its vital that you remain true to how YOU feel, sadly the truth is here your feelings for him are not reciprocated (not the same). Look the fact that you dont feel the same intensity of feelings back for him ISNT YOUR FAULT!! but it IS the reality of how you feel, there is no getting away from the trueth of how you feel.

DONT PUT OFF!!NOW what you will regret far more later?!!
**Isnt it better to come clean with him, be completely honest with him no matter how painfull that might be now, just imagine how much more aweful and traumatic & painful it would be if after a couple of years of marrage you told him the real honest trueth.

**Its simple you MUST tell him the trueth, I feel sure he will respect you far more for being honest with him in the long run, than be a coward and ducking the issues and marry him.

**If you marry him without telling him the trueth then in my opinion the marrage will fail quickly.

**Your partner needs your honesty, after all a good relationship needs to be based on honesty, isnt honesty a part of really caring about someone else. Doesnt your boyfriend deserve the honest trueth from you?

IR

Answer 4

Spend some time not thinking about it. Sometimes when you go over and over things in your head it makes things worse. Spend some time not thinking about it but dont make any decisions. With time I think it will be clearer, and if you still feel the same way then it is best to be honest with yourself and him, and take things from there. If you're not sure, then there is usually a good reason for it.

Answer 5

Im not sure what the circumstances are but general advice from me would be to make the decision of what you really want, from life, from a partner and from yourself. If you think there is a chance you would be happier with someone else i would end the current relationship. You probably would not like to marry this man and regret it, or worse go looking for what you want outside of it. Goodluck, i feel for you. Its all easier said than done.

Answer 6

Please be completely honest with him.. nothing is worse than having someone pretend they feel the same towards you.. I was very much in love (relationship of almost 7 years) & I honestly thought he felt the same & would never hurt me..

well, in 2004 I gave birth to my son (his first as well) & he walked out on me while I was just 2 mos pregnant & he never looked back! (So much for all those fake "I love you's") So you see what you don't know CAN hurt you... don't string him along - it'll hurt him more than you can possibly imagine -- it's hard, I understand but when you're dealing w/ someone's emotions & their love for you - you should always treat it w/ delicate hands but don't sugar-coat it either.. be firm but understanding - be gentle & honest & just hope for the best!

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 7

Sooner or later you will meet someone you do love, and then what???? How do you know he loves you? Does he tell you? Do you tell him? If the answer to both is yes, maybe he feels the same. Either way the pain is going to come sooner or later. Better get it over with.

Answer 8

Anisa,
after 5 years together, I am sure you are able to be up front and honest with the person you live with. Hiding your true feelings will only make matters worse. Do the right thing and tell them how you feel.

Answer 9

Dont enter into marriage if you are not sure of yourself, you will get hurt, as well as the other. Better be frank about it, and dont waste nor add another 5 years of misery into your lives. He will get hurt, but he will get over it.

Answer 10

i was in the same situation a few years ago, i was totally miserable in the relationship. i didnt love her and never told her i loved her. i sort of felt sorry for her because her life wasnt that great before i came along. i had to do one of the hardest things i could possibly do, thinking about it made me physically sick. i knew i had to leave her. the guilt when i left ate me inside out its one of the most horrible things ive ever done but i suffered for it. your probably feeling the same inside, it gets worse. stop it now by telling him the truth of how you feel. best for you and him.