Serious Question?

Question

My 12 year old daughter is being bullied at school by 2 other girls, they are her age but there is allways two of them.
My daughter is not the type of girl who is violent and does not retaliate even though she has been kicked.
Me and my wife have been to the school on numerous occasions to complain and my wife has spoken to the mother of one of the other girls but it has not stopped.
If i get involved, i am affraid when i knock on the parents door i will not be able to stay calm if confronted by the father. I do not want it to come to this but i can not sit back and watch my 12 year old suffer.
She is getting good results at school and i am affraid this will suffer if the bullying goes on.

Should i confront the parents myself or would you suggest a different approach.

The school has offered my daughter counselling, this i think is a load of ****, why should the victim be counselled, it should be the bully.

Any sugestions please.

My wife and i are going to see the school on Wednesday, i will let you know the outcome.
Thank you to everyone for your help.

PS: She has started kick boxing.

Answer 1

If you dont feel that the school has made it stop then take it to your local education authority, just the threat of doing this to the school will probably speed up their response.
Dont confront the parents, wont get you anywhere they will probably not care and will just cause your daughter more pain.
Report the school for not dealing with this issue in a reasonable manner, no head teacher likes to be thought of as unable to stop bullying within their school .
That should help.
Good luck xx

Answer 2

Personally I would go to the police. I know it sounds extreme but it seems like you have done all you can. At the end of the day your worry is your daughter not the other girls and I know this may sound melodramatic, but you don't want the worse case scenario of what is in the papers happening to your daughter. Also some counselling and karate lessons might help her self esteem and to protect herself. I t seem that these girls need a good shock, and if this doesn't help I would think about moving her to a different school. Good luck, it is not nice, I was bullied quite badly as a child. My parents went to the police and it was stopped completely, because of this my father is now a copper.

Answer 3

Hi - so sorry to hear about this, my little sisters 12 and Id KILL anyone that started on her! I think there are several courses open to you to get this situation resolved;

1) speak to the parents, obviously remaining calm is a must as you dont want to get landed with even more trouble for yourself!
2) You can contact OFSTED who regulate the quality of schools, explain that youve spoken to the school several times and the situation has not improved and take things from there
3) ABSOLUTELY LAST REORT - if things are starting to get violent, then I guess removing her from school is an option but as its an upheaval that could be avoided then I think this should really be carefully considered

I was bullied at school, as was my brother and I think its something all kids go through on a certain level (If they dont then they turn out to be one of those horrible stuck up "think theyre perfect" people!) However, violence is not acceptable. If youd like further suggestions etc then just drop me a message.

Hope this helps and good luck! Bex xx

Answer 4

The chances are that these two girls are also picking on other people. Your daughter needs to make sure she's never in a position to be picked on. Hanging around in a group of friends, making sure she's never alone. Even on her way home to make sure she never uses quiet routes where they can target her. At school to try and use routes where its more likely to have teachers around. It may seem a bit drastic but it will also teach her to be a bit street-wise. The bullies are less likely to do anything if there's a high chance of being caught by teachers or seen by loads of your daughter's friends.

Talking to the parents could have a positive effect but it could also have a chance of putting the problem underground when your daughter is scared of telling u.

The bullies aren' stupid...just because the teachers know about it doesn't mean they'll stop when they aren't looking. Thats why its important your daughter is always around loads of people, ideally within view of teachers.

I hope that helps

Answer 5

I work with 6th graders, so i guess i can help a bit. The honest truth is, you need to let your girl deal with this, IF THERE'S NO VIOLENCE. You, however, should be available to talk to her and let her express whatever is going on to you. If there's violence, then you need to address the school again, and talk law. (This happens more often than you might imagine; you wouldn't be too unique) Also, very helpful in getting the whole story would be girls who are friends with your daughter. Get in with their parents, talk to them and see what they know. You'd be surprised all that they're willing to tell you.

Now, taking what you said literally, if she's been kicked for real, i hope you got a picture of a bruise or mark. if not, it's still okay; that would've helped alot, though. it's not bullying anymore if your daughter's safety is in jeapardy; it has now entered the criminal/assault arena. If the school really seems unwilling to help you, talk to a lawyer, but try the counseling first. That way, the school's option DIDN'T work. Your rejecting their form of help gives them fodder for argument. (plus, the counseling might help more than you think...more on that later)

Sixth graders are notoriously awful to each other - they have absolutely no boundaries or control OR concept of what they are really saying to someone when they're being insulting. Your poor daughter could probably tell you more than anyone about that.

"Standing up for yourself" is a touchy subject, so i wouldn't suggest you tell your daughter to resort to anything physical; that's totally the wrong way to go. (And you should keep yourself in check, too. You're the adult; you know how to control yourself if confronted by the father.)

Also, the school counseler isn't a ridiculous option; they really help and if anyone is well-versed in dealing with this situation, it's her. (plus, you better believe that if your daughter starts going, the counselor is in communication with the 'bullies' and that'll get the ball rolling for them to start having to own up to some of their actions) counseling isn't because a kid has problems; it's when something is simply wrong. In my school, many kids talk to the counselor and it helps in so many ways, rather than stigmatizing the kid.

anyway, i hope you'll do the right thing here. don't treat ghetto with ghetto. use intelligence and class. good luck

Answer 6

Blairs Britain hey !

Well I understand your predicament,

The first thing is to go to the school and make their lives a misery, I would be extremely unpleaseant toward the teaching staff, I mean if they are going to allow your daughter to be bullied and offer counselling, well the teachers would be in need of counselling after I finished wuth them.

The second option which I do believe the school has sanctiuoned by not really doing anything about protecting your daughter from the bullies si to give her a tub of Cayenne pepper.. If the two little shAts that are bullying her approach, tell her to lash it into their eyes, whilst they are realing from the pain, your daughter should really set about them with her doc martins,

I mean maybe reasoning with the bullys parents might help ? But if you knock ten shades of the brown stuff out of the parents then that will serve as a lesson to the bully, IE if they touch your daughter again, you will touch their pappa again, who knows maybe their mutha needs a slap too.....

if none of the above help , then is it ok to suggest Arson on yahoo answers ?

Answer 7

Hello. Sorry to hear about your daughter. If you have been to the school numerous times and the problem is still unresolved then I think maybe you should speak to the parents of the bully. I would not go alone, as you say you may not be able to control yourself. Do you have anyone dependable who would go with you? Maybe it would be a good idea to speak to the head of the school calmly and ask him or her what they think you should do to RESOLVE the ongoing problem. At the end of the day your daughter might need counselling, maybe she even needs it now...so please don't discount this option. Try to STAY COOL whatever happens and please avoid violence as this would reduce you to the level of the bullies. The school should be able to offer more help or at least tell you where you can OBTAIN more help! Good luck and please don't get violent!!!!

Answer 8

Your daughter has the right to a safe learning environment and the school has an obligation to provide this.

The correct avenue is to go through the school - absolutely not the parents of the other girls or you could end up arrested or accused of intimidation.

If the school does not respond in a satisfactory manner then take it to the board of trustees of the school and if that does not work to the board of education. Where you live these things may have different names but its the same basic steps.

What I would suggest is that you ring citizens advice and get their assistance on the correct procedure.

Bullying is one of the leading causes of child suicide and is NOT character building and NOT something to be brushed aside.

You are your daughter's advocate here and you also have an obligation to keep her safe, so it is important you act on this.

Answer 9

I have a young daughter and worry about this aswell, we try to teach them that fighting and hitting is wrong, but at the same time it seems that the only way to deal with a bully is a bit of their own medicine, in my own experience being a short kid, if I hadn't fought back things would have been a lot worse for me, even though I didn't win the fight it made the bully think twice about picking on me again, I was willing to stand up for myself if pushed into it. This is what I have tried to teach my daughter, good luck.

Answer 10

I was never bullied in school, after I stood up for myself, but that was my temperment I didn't let others pick on me or my family or friends. That being said, my brother was bullied horribly in high school, I could suspend a few times for fighting the guys that were doing it

. When my parents went to teh school and they called him into the office, the counsler asked why he didn't stand up for his self. He said that he would handle it, but he didn't want to waste his energy or his breath on idoits. Plus he had me...

Things will get better for your daughter eventually. Standing up to bullys usually results in one of two things they will back down or things will get pyshcial. I would suggest that you do things to build her confidence, matrial arts helps alot. And counseling may not be a bad idea. Though it is unfair that the victims usuallyy suffer more than the victimizers *is that a word*.