for 5 yrs. We got on really well & went home together that night & he txtd me 2 days later. We spent the next 3 wks hanging out & were liking each other. We decided we weren't gonna sleep wit other people but then he tells me at 3 wks that an ex-fling is coming to spend Xmas with him (arranged b4 he met me) & that he wanted to be honest wit me as 'she wasn't gonna be sleeping on the couch'. I got a little upset, didn't know what to do then asked him to leave. He wanted to keep in touch with me and start things new in Jan when she leaves. I got drunk that night & sent some needy txts which made him angry. I have then txted him on/off and he keeps saying 'let me get Xmas outta the way and then we can see each other and that he doesn't want to complicate things/hurt anyone'. I haven't seen him or 2 wks & he hasn't initiated contact (only replied to me). I don't know how I'll feel in jan knowing that he didn't want to keep me going & tell her to sleep on the couch. What should I do?
2006-12-07 17:39:13 · 14 answers · asked by basement_chix 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The problem is you are in shock and your emotions are trying to catch up with the news he has given you. You know in your heart that he is not treating you right. He makes the excuse that he is 'being honest with you', it does not make it ok. I can tell that you really like him. When someone delivers bad news like this, especially after you have had 3 great weeks with him, it is like having the rug pulled from under you. I know as it has happened to me.
Well done for asking him to leave, that was a gut reaction which anyone would have done. He acted wrongly and you were angry. But then the emotions set in and you sent the needy txts.
Time for you to take a deep breath. Read through your question and imagine it is your very best mate telling you this. What would you tell her? Its almost as if you have to step over the line and realise there is no going back. I know it is hard and it hurts but believe me, once you have made the decision that there is no going back, it will be such a relief for you.
He is panicking. He wants sex with an ex fling, then wants you. He is totally selfish and bloody rude with it. You know this is not right but it hurts like hell doesn't it? When a guy treats you right, it doesn't hurt. Take this experience for what it is. Stand up brush yourself down and be proud that you can see right from wrong. He is wrong and behaving like a spoilt little sh**.
Don't beat yourself up anymore. Make your mind up that he will not hurt you anymore. In a couple of weeks you will feel so much better.
2006-12-07 19:03:58 · answer #1 · answered by Sarah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is life. even in marriage you have the passionate parts and the parts you look at each other and wonder what you were thinking. However, love means giving someone room to grow, right now he needs love in the motion that you love him enough to let him go and see if he can be happy some place else. In the same manner you love yourself by not taking it personally and seeing others not to fill the void of time, but to see if some other person is more suited to you as well. You both may find that you need each other and get back together, or you may decide it is best that you two remain separated. However love means not using or allowing yourself to be used. If he dose not want to be with you in a committed relationship then there is no need for you to treat him any different then you do any other guy you see in college. Say hi and a little small talk is fine. If he is having intimate phone conversations with you where you are telling him you love him and care for him and giving him emotional or sexual support just stop, he dose not get those benefits of being with you with out being with you. He will have his cake and eat it too. If a man get to have intimacy, emotional support, and friendship from a woman as well as see any other woman, why on earth would he stop? Men will treat you as you demand they treat you.
2016-05-23 05:48:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I think this guy is not worth your time. He says he does not want to "hurt anyone," but it seems from your question that you are a little hurt by his behavior. If he was truly into you he would be able to tell this fling that things are over and he only wants to see her as a friend. Then she could stay in a hotel and have her own vacation without him. I am not trying to be harsh, but I have been through a similar situation where I guy kept telling me he was busy with work and would spend time with me later. The truth is men want to spend as much as time with you as possible if they are really into you and would not be spending it with another woman. So please do not text this guy anymore and go out for the Holidays with your friends. Try spending some time just with your friends and ignore this guy altogether. See if he intiates contact on his own and then you will know what his true intentions are. However, I think he wants to keep you in the picture and spend time with this girl when she is in town. He sounds like a player and you deserve someone that deserves your time.
2006-12-07 17:46:42 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds just like a British guy who lives in Australia that I knew. He is messing you around and wants to have agood time with this girl and then when she leaves he can have you. Don't make yourself available. Leave it and don't have any contact with him, no phoning or texting. After Xmas when this girl leaves he must be begging to see you again. Play as hard to get as you can. This is if you really want to be with him. But I think it would be hard to see him after Xmas knowing he had a good time with the other girl. Maybe you should meet someone else.
2006-12-07 19:01:43 · answer #4 · answered by jaygirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think there is much future here. So early in a relationship he will have slept with someone else, put someone before you, lost your trust and hurt you. Is this someone you want be around? If you let someone treat you like this, they always will.
There is no reason why he could tell this ex that he has met someone and tell her in no circumstances that they would no be sleeping with each other.
If you did see him again in January, do you think you could get over this?
At least he has been honest though, a friendship might not be doomed.
2006-12-07 18:15:25 · answer #5 · answered by benn26k 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please dont waste your time on a guy like that. He doesnt really care about your feelings. He just wants to have fun. If u were important to him he would have cancelled that Xmas thing. Forget him and move on. If u respect yourself, only then will others respect you. If u allow yrself to be walked upon, that is exactly what's gonna happen. I know its not gonna be easy, but u can do it. When u learn to love yrself n respect yrself, so will others. When you are mentally and emotionally ready, the right guy will come into your life. Trust me.
2006-12-07 17:59:30 · answer #6 · answered by vasr 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh my god hes a loser of hte largest kind!
get rid honey!
you deserve much better than that.
had he cared he would have cancelled or found her somewhere else to stay, and as for her not sleeping on the couch means he will probably continue to put you on hold everytime someone 'better' comes along, get rid get a new man, Xmas a good time to meet someone! and tell him to get lost, erase his number and all messages and he will wonder why you arent in touch, after Xmas when he does get in touch, just simply ask who is this and why are you texting me? and if he texts back simply say listen i have a new man and no time for losers! go on girl get rid! good luck!
xxxxx
2006-12-07 19:02:32 · answer #7 · answered by caroline17nov 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a User & Loser don't bother with him
He can't be bothered with you at Christmas so it's clear he is not good for you causing you hurt & upset.
Move on and stop txting him find someone who wants to be with you. If you give in to him he will control you and own you
I hope you have a Merry Christmsa
Good Luck
Jeff
2006-12-07 17:46:18 · answer #8 · answered by JEFF K 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think the future is pretty bleak for this relationship. The guy kept the information back about his 'ex' because he wanted to make love to you and that may have prevented it. I am friendly with my ex -girlfriends but we dont make love. I think you should stop texting him and start dating other guys again. Good luck
2006-12-07 18:08:41 · answer #9 · answered by Daddybear 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately a relationship cant be put on hold for another one . At least in my opinion . It sounds like he wants to keep the previous relationship going and have you too. People treat you how you allow yourself to be treated , Let it go and he will see that you will not be put on hold .
2006-12-07 17:42:48 · answer #10 · answered by niknak 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋