is Quitting an Option in Love ?

Question

Been wid him 4 almost-almost a year now ... Looks like im the only one who'z pulling the efforts in our relatioship ... Now i feel im chasing a shadow ... My friends tell me to quit ... but i think when u luv someone u should never give-up ... in the process i've lost my confidence, lost the trust of people i care, opportunities dat came my way ... he wanted me to change & i've changed so much i don recognize myself anymore ... Would it change if i kept trying ?

Answer 1

no... it's true that you shouldn't give up on the one you love but i think you've done enough and yet nothing's changed... cut him off...

Answer 2

you now need to step up to him and talk one on one. Let him know how you are feeling and if he cares for you than he needs to understand that you have changed and if he cared for you in the first place he wouldnt want you to change. And now that you have things are not going so well so hes going to have to change as well, and tell him what your missing out on, tell him what you are wanting from this relationship. If you just leave it in the corner and try to pretend something is there when its not it will not go away it will just bulid up and get worse. So go talk to him and tell him, and see where that gets you. If he doesnt seem to do anything for you and acts the same, its going to be hard but the sooner you let him go the sooner you will get better. Trust me you will get over him and move on and once you do, when your ready to be with someone again you will see what you were really missing and how you should be treated and look back and realize that breaking this off was the best thing you ever did, and if you didnt look on what you would be missing.....a life of happiness!!

Answer 3

I know it's not what you want to hear, but I think no matter how much you love someone, there is always something that you just can't let slide. There is always a point at which their behavior is so destructive (physically, mentally, or emotionally), that you are no longer able to maintain your relationship with him or her. This perason could be a friend, family member, lover, even a co-worker or employer - it doesn't matter. The stresses may differ, but the results are generally the same once someone presses you beyond your limits. I know it's not expert testimony, but I'd like to tell you about a woman who may have pushed her daughter away forever.

She was a leech, a person whose pessimism and negativity sucked the energy and spirit out of the people around her. She was manipulative, selfish, uncaring, needy, and sometimes just plain mean. She validated her own existence through the attentions of other people. If you had a bad day, her's had been worse. If you'd done something interesting, she'd done something better. She lied constantly. She begged, borrowed, and stole money from everyone, including $400 from her only daughter (to pay for the dress she wore to her daughter's wedding). She always had an excuse for not keeping her word, frequently claiming the other person hadn't paid attention. She'd relate suspiciously relevant sob-stories (to kill conversations she wawsn't part of and/or interested in), then change the subject. She made people pity, exalt, or otherwise acknowledge her constantly. Most importantly, she always had an insult, a rude remark, or a guilt trip for her daughter

I watched in disgust as this woman acted hurt, confused, and upset when her daughter didn't immediately agree with her opinions, claiming she only meant to help, or her adivce was from experience, or her motherly concern obviously wasn't important. If her daughter disagreed, or defended an opinion, this woman became sarcastic, insulting, and condescending until the attacks hit home, at which point her daughter "couldn't take a joke". All this amidst a steady stream of back-handed compliments and inappropriate remarks - for no reason at all. Se hadn't noticed what her mother was doing to her, because when you're told you're stupid and wrong for so long, you begin to believe it. It took her a long time, but, with the love and support of someone her mother couldn't control, she finally managed to cut her mother's mental and emotional abuse from life. It wasn't easy, but she can look back now and see the neccessity. We've been married now for about 2 1/2 years, and she's just beginning to feel she has the strength to be near her mother again. They've gone out for coffee a couple of times, but she's not ready to let her mom back in, yet. Hopefully someday.

You are unique, with your own ideas, beliefs, likes, dislikes, atitude, morality, desires, and many other things are all part of who you are, and life should be about pushing yourself and exploring your many facets. If you are the only one changing in a relationship, it usually means you're hiding more and more of your personality, and giving up more and more control. It sounds like you're simply a convenience to him, like he's got one foot out the door, waiting for a better offer. Anything worth having is worth working for, I agree, but at some point you've got to get out of the tailspin. You're family and friends will forgive you if you ask, trust can be rebuilt, there's always another opportunity to explore, and the confidence will come back once you realize that someone else is interested and attracted to you. Remember, the opposite of love isn't hate, you have to care (negatively) about someone very much to hate them. The opposite of love is indifference. Once one of you stops caring about the other, it's a matter of time before you're finished together. You'll never get back the mutual respect needed to build a healthy relationship, and may become totally dependant upon his approval and opinion to get through each day. Don't give up on yourself in a futile effort to keep him.

I hope you're situation improves, and I wish you all the best.

Answer 4

Hello...you're not the one who needs to try-it's him! If you are pulling all the weight you need to tell him so and if he doesn't start helping out then quitting IS an option - the best one too. You don't need a relatioship that makes you feel bad about yourself.

Answer 5

"quitting" is DEFINITELY an option. and, I wouldnt call it quitting, because it sounds like he was never in the game. if he just wanted you to change, then he doesnt truly love you...he wanted you to be what HE wanted you to be, and thats NOT LOVE. your friends are right. you lost your confidence, people that you CARE about, opportunities, and yourself (so much that you dont RECOGNIZE yourself anymore)? thats not a good place to be in! I bet the guy's an asshole (and please, no offense). This relationship sounds extremely unhealthy, and for all I know, could definitely be abusive. Getting out of a relationship thats not right for you is just taking care of yourself. I understand you love him, and I bet this must make things really hard.....good luck in your choices.

Answer 6

I'm not gonna straight out tell you to give up... but pull back a little bit, don't put as much effort, stop chasing. See what he does about it. Sometimes guys distance themselves for reasons I don't know, but they're like rubber bands, if you don't chase them when they distance, the fast they'll realize how much they miss you and will come back.

Answer 7

You should never change yourself for a guy, honey! He would've never started dating you unless he liked you for who you are! Sounds like this guy is not worth your time! Life is short, and you need someone you enjoy spending your time with! Someone who wants to spend time with you! I know you think there is no such person, you are wrong! There is a person for you out there, there are MILLIONS of guys out there! But you will never find the guy that is right for you as long as you stay in this relationship! You have to date around til you are happy!

You have to be happy with who you are dating to be in love! You obviously are not happy by the title to you're question. Therefore, you are not in love. If you was happy with this guy, you wouldn't have just wrote what you did! You are not happy and you need to be! It will be hard to move on, but one day you will look back on this guy and think "Thank God I got out of that relationship!"

Answer 8

No guy worth your time and who actually loves you would ask you to change who you are. That means he doesn't love the person you are and just wants you to be someone else. Get out of the relationship and find someone that gives 100 percent of themselves to you. And loves 100 percent of who you are. Life is too short!

Answer 9

love alone is never enough. you need to have a strong sense of self and so does your partner. it seems to me like he wants to strip you of your self and make you into someone you are not. this is not how a relationship should work. i think you should get out before it is 10 years and you are suicidal

Answer 10

You should be the most important person to you, unless you have a child. If you have quit youself you can quit someone who is not careing about you!!

Answer 11

I have the same problem with this girl. I'm not giving up you shouldn't either. Don't give up until they flat out tell you they arent interested.