what should i do?

Question

I have a step son that lives with my husband and I , The step son does not want to work and the father is to scared to put is foot down , so the other day i did it and got in trouble , i was told to stay out of his business .He is also on probation for drugs and concealed weapon charges . while he was in jail he wrote his dad and told him that he wanted their old relationship back and he wanted to get away from the drug. Well to find out from his mom hehad been calling around trying to find out where he could get some drugs. and the other day the probation dept. came and found him with some prescriptions meds laying on the couch where he was taking a nap . I do not know what to do the father is so very protective and gets mean when anyone says anything about him , some of the neibors have turned my step son in for waving a gun around outside of the house, and they will not admit it to my husband ,i really do not know how my step son can be around guns being on probation.

I would like some suggestions only serious replies only please

Answer 1

Someone has to talk with your husband, most parents like this just go into denial.Then there is a problem because you will be considered a "Bad Guy" for trying to help them.
If your husband is the type to go into denial and enable his rebellious son, you may be better just blocking it out......

If his son is rebellious and has already been in trouble w/ law , he sounds like he is no where near of changing himself r/now , and your husband doesn't want to really help at all.

That is a very tough situation you are in. I don't know if you would consider talking to a Licensed Professional ( for yourself ) because I would be bothered by this as well, and I don't have a clue about you're relationship with your husband. So it might be best to talk with someone..

Answer 2

I hate the responses that you are getting because I don't think that you should leave your husband and I don't think that you should stop acting like his mother. He lives in your house and he needs to get a job and show you some respect. Is there any way that you could talk to his probation officer? I would tell the probation officer, in confidence of course, all that is going on. What other choice do you really have? The type of behavior and the environment that you are being subjected to can't continue to go on. Something needs to be done before matters get worse. If you can't talk to an officer of the courts or his probation officer and get help then your only other choice is to have a firm conversation with your husband.

Answer 3

If he's on probabtion and you know he's violating probation (by having drugs he's not prescribed or having weapons) you can be charged with aiding and abetting. Is it worth going to jail for? While your husband may think so because it's his son, ultimately you have to decide if it is worth it to you. I can't believe they didn't arrest him when they found the pills! You can either call for an intervention for your husband and step-son or decide if you can keep living like this. I don't know how I would stand it if I were in your shoes. I'd go nuts but I definately would not jeopardize my freedom for anyone.

Answer 4

If you feel he's violating his probation, please advise his probation officer. I would think either one of you can get yourselves into trouble with the authorities. They may accuse you both of harboring a felon. Since he's living in your home, you have every right to ensure your safety. I would go speak with the authorities.
Apparantly Dad isnt strong enough to dish out some badly needed tough love! If he's a minor, you really have no choice but report him. Because YOU, as parents are responsible!

Answer 5

I am a kid too, i am on prohabation. I understand what he feels. I also understand why he is so droven to guns and drugs, iv been there but it only got me into trouble. My best sudgesstion to tell him is that he should not be droven towards those things, he might react in a bad way to it but also tell him that one life is all you get, and if you use it wisely you will be the one you want. Guns in my point of veiw are awsome, same with every kid thats a guy usually likes them too. You have to accept that, but what you cant accept is him actully having one, the reason behind that is because the cops take everything so seriously, they dont care who you are, or what you want in life all they care about is to get danger off the streets. Your kid is exactly like me i might be sentenced to juvy for 4 years, put your kid in a sport, keep him close.

Answer 6

he will violate probation and go to jail. End of story. Either that or you should leave until the father grows some ballz. Kid has a gun and you stay there, you are asking for trouble.

Answer 7

YOU NEED TO TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND ABOUT WHAT IS
GOING ON. AND FOR THE RECORD IT IS YOUR BUSINESS
WHEN HE I STAYING IN YOUR HOME THAT MAKE IT YOUR
BUSINESS. AND IF HE DOES NOT GET HIS ACT TOGETHER
THEN HE SHOULD BE OUT OF THE HOME AND IF YOUR
HUSBAND HAS A PROBLEM WITH THAT THEN HE MAY HAVE
TO LEAVE THE HOME AS WELL. THE SON HAS SOME
SERIOUS ISSUES THAT HE NEED TO REALLY ADDRESS,
THIS COULD BE A SERIOUS PROBLEM DOWN THE ROAD
ESPECIALLY IF THERE ARE OTHER CHILDREN IN THE HOME.

Answer 8

He's not your son, so you shouldn't act like his mother. As much as you might actually care, he is going to do what he wants. You might be tempted to intervene, but you are just going to piss off the kid, make your husband upset for butting in, and worst of all they will not see that you are just trying to help. If he wants to straighten out his life, he is going to have to f*ck up bad enough where he sees it for himself. That's how life is... all of us need to learn the hard way.

Answer 9

well, I don't think you'll have to deal with him for long...if he keeps up this behaviour, he'll be in prison soon.

My best suggestion is to speak with your husband when you're both calm and rational. Don't be confrontational, just honest about your concerns. Your husband probably doesn't know what to do with him either.

Answer 10

I'd get out. Seriously. It sounds dangerous.