I need guidance (how can I forgive and forget)?

Question

4 yrs ago my guy left me, and the very next day began a serious relationship with a girl he had stopped dating to be with me. (They're still together and getting married in a few months-this news has made the following feelings) I've been married to my hubby (whom i love) for 2 yrs & I have a beautiful 16 mth old baby, but I can't get over this feeling of wanting my ex & his girl to be unhappy. I just feel like I want him to go thru what I did, I never thought they'd last because their relationship started out dishonestly. Where is justice? He was my life, then one day it was over. I wanted to die. I was in & out of the hospital for panic attacks & put on suicidewatch. For 2 yrs ALL i did was go to work & home. I was messed up. Im mad because I suffered & want justice. Where's karma? So now I just want to get over this & forgive/forget & get rid of those scars my ex gave me. I'm shaken up over how much this is effecting me, I want to cut that time of my life out of my mind

Answer 1

You need therapy.

Answer 2

Sorry for being hard on you here, but I think you need a bit of vision.

You are letting this former boyfriend take up space in your head simply for the reason of REVENGE. You want bad things to happen because he somehow wronged you. You say you have been happily married for two years, yet you've had a relationship with another man rule your mind for this whole time.

Now, you say this man wronged you. Did you ever think of what would have happened if he hadn't left? Would you be happily married now? Would you have that 16 month old baby? When that man left you, he gave you the opportunity to find the man you love now, and you are still harboring a resentment against him.

He gave you a gift when he left you, enabling you to live the life you have now, rather than one that would have probably failed anyway.

So what is it? Why are you really angry? Aren't you more pissed off simply because you felt slighted when he left? You felt that you were worth something, that you deserved him, and when he left, he was somehow telling you that you weren't good enough. The truth is that he left because he didn't want a relationship with you, probably because it wouldn't work. Chances are that he was right.

That relationship should have been over two years ago. The time you are spending entertaining your resentment is time you are taking away from your husbad and your baby. They don't deserve to have that former boyfriend directing your thoughts. Wish him well and let him go. The only thing preventing you from forgiving and forgetting is your own resentment. Recognize the gift of your family that was achieved by his leaving you and thank him for that. That's how you forgive and forget.

Answer 3

I'm sorry that you are struggling with this. I think what might help is if you take stock of your life and realize how blessed you are. After all, you have a wonderful husband and a baby as a result of the past experiences you've had. Would you really want to give them up and live another path? It sounds like justice has rewarded you for your honesty by giving you a wonderful family.

As far as forgiving your ex, God can help you to forgive. Prayer can work wonders.

The previous answerer's suggestion that you get therapy is probably a good one, too. At least get yourself evaluated by a mental health professional, so you will make sure you've identified all the issues you're fighting against.

Answer 4

Put your hands together in gratitude for what you have now. You have a husband you say you love and a sweet baby. Just maybe you had to go through the pain of your past to get where you are. But that's just it. It's your past. If you can't put it behind you maybe you can try tithing your forgiveness. Just forgive him a tenth of full forgiveness for now. Then after a time, give him another tenth. And so on. Eventually you'll wake up to realize you haven't thought of him in months.

Answer 5

Each of us has our own share of life's challenges, and that is yours.I've lived with a guy who beated me and was never a partner to me. We were'nt married but I tried to save our relationship for our daughter's sake until the right time has come for me to realize that my life could still be better.After all my struggles and hardships,( I even came to the point that I ask God to take me) I am now standing on my own feet,strong and happy.But I never wished anything bad for the person who made my life misserable. I even prayed that he would be happy with his life and move on.About your situation, you have to let go of that feeling and if you believe in prayer do it everytime you feel that feelings again.Another thing I can suggest is to get rid of things that you have when you were still with your ex.Even though you already have a family and yet you are still bothered about your past, you haven't move on yet.And the right time to do that is NOW!Look at your baby! Is she not enough to be happy? I tell you, you deserve to have peace of mind. And this Christmas, it is the best oppurtunity and gift you can give to your self. I will pray for you.

Answer 6

You don't forget but you have to forgive to be able to move on. You will just carry all that baggage into the next relationship. God gave your ex freewill, he chose another. His feelings for the other girl were never resolved or he would not be returning to her. You can't see that your child and yourself are enough reason to let go? Your child needs you inspite of dad not being available and your not there for the child if you are self-destructive. EVERYTHING happens for a reason!

Answer 7

Find reassurance in that you can forgive, but you don't have to forget. If you forget, then you're putting yourself right back in that situation. Know that your family is there for you and that they value you. You're worth more to God and to your husband and baby. they need your love and you need their love. In my opinion, he's already gotten hit by karma. He had his chance to be happy with you and he blew that one. You've got better things to do than lower yourself to that sort of thing. Forgive and let it go. There's so much more than your ex. True that things do take time, but let it be. It is what it is and he's behind you now, but only if you're willing to put it behind you. Only you can stand up and become a bigger person.

Answer 8

You have to get rid of the hurt & bitterness inside you.
If you believe in karma, you would know what goes around comes around. He left her for you before &
now he has left you for her. This is KARMA. If you want
to have your life back, you have to learn to let go of the past. This grudge of wanting him to suffer is doing more
damage to you than to him. So go & get a new life, a new boyfriend if you have to & drop all this self-pity. When you finally come out of your shell, you will find that there's more to life than just your ex-boyfriend.

Answer 9

I pray for God's peace and joy to be with you.

Forget? Not likely. I don't think we human beings have the ability to do that. But forgive? Most definately we can forgive. I'm terribly sorry for all of the pain you've gone through, and are still suffering through. I do know that forgiveness lets you move on. It frees you. Go to God and ask Him for forgiveness for yourself, and then ask Him for the strength to forgive your ex. I'm not saying that this is your fault, only to let God heal you as much as you can.

My prayers are with you. God bless.

Answer 10

I've been on the receiving end plenty, though not your exact circumstances. The thing that most helped me to f-&-f was realizing that what I really wanted was to know that the other party "hadn't gotten away with" what they did to me--and then facing the difficult but undeniable fact that, yes, they HAD gotten away with it, and there wasn't a doggone thing I could do about it now but chalk it up as a lesson learned. As soon as I saw it that way, it lost its sting.
Blessings to you!

Answer 11

Whoa, this is *your* karma. Karma is not some divine judgment.

We are all suffering my dear friend. Hoping someone else is suffering will only make you suffer more.

If he did something wrong it is his 'karma' (karma in quotes since I don't think you're clear on the concept) and he will have to rectify this in some way.

But you can *only* effect your own karma. Enjoy what you have and move on.