I lost my job last month and can scarcely afford Christmas presents let alone a proper wedding gift. Is it crass to bring a card now, and send a proper gift later? I saw their registeries; is spending under 30 too paltry? Help!
2006-12-07 15:59:26 · 20 answers · asked by Are you kidding me? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Absolutely, that is fine. According to Emily Post, it is actually tacky (believe it or not) to bring a gift to a wedding, and you have a year from the wedding day to give a gift and still stay in good with the ettiquette police.
Your fine -- and lots of gifts are under $30. I had plenty of people buy me one $25 place setting. You give what you can give when you can give it!
2006-12-07 16:43:24 · answer #1 · answered by Sweet Susie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't even have to give a gift if you are invited to a wedding. Gifts are always a gifter's choice. Not mandatory. Your mother in law is wrong. Both in manners and etiquette. Unless you received an invitation addressed specifically to you - you are not invited. For the reasons you stated. Husband and cousin do not have a relationship and barely know one another. One does not ride the coattails of someone else's invitation - as mom seems to think. Etiquette demands he NOT go. There is a specific guest list. RSVP's from that guest list determines how many meals will be paid for. One does not show up and expect to be welcomed - as mom seems to think unexpected guests - not invited - should or would be. A guest list invites people specifically. Does not extend to those not on guest list. Or entitles one who is invited - to bring add ons - extra people. That the bride and groom do not know are coming and have to scramble with seating arrangements and may not have enough meals - and will wind up very embarrassed and probably upset. His mother should know these things. No wonder your husband is uncomfortable with the thought of going. He is right in thinking he shouldn't go because of no specific invitation to him. As far as his family thinking it is socially acceptable to send a gift of $50 or more - that is something that family has arbitrarily decided. There is no social rules or etiquette rules on how much a gift should cost. If giving a gift - it should cost as much as the giver want to pay and can afford. Again, gifts are NOT mandatory nor an obligation. In any situation. If money is tight for you - and you and/or husband - was not specifically invited - then etiquette says - do not attend. There are reasons for wedding guests list. And, therefore, no reason - on earth - to send a gift of any kind. His mom is very wrong on all counts. And she may get some big fallout from someone after the wedding for bringing uninvited guests. I'm assuming as this is a cousin - he is the son of one of her siblings - who will be very upset and angry over this very big breach of etiquette. I hope your husband stands up to his mother and explains that he was not specifically invited, and therefore, not expected. That it is very bad etiquette to show up at a formal function uninvited. And he will not be attending - no matter how much pressure she throws out there.
2016-05-23 05:37:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to take a gift to the wedding, but don't wait a year to give them something either. Give them a gift within 2 months of the wedding. And, spending $30 is not paltry! That should be enough, because truly it's the thought that counts.
2006-12-07 16:03:39 · answer #3 · answered by it's me! 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think that they would understand your circumstances. But if you want to do something how about going in on a gift with someone else. I am a big fan of handmade gifts. There are many things you can make for the new couple inexpensively and it would mean a lot to them. Or make a donation in the couples name, they don't have to know how much the donation was for. Good luck!
2006-12-07 19:32:37 · answer #4 · answered by Dawn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
bring a card. if they don't understand, then they aren't worth associating with! there were only a few people who didn't give us gifts for our wedding. the smallest was $10 from a friend of ours who didn't have much money. it was such a sweet gesture. then, a lot of people wrote checks for $25. that was not uncommon. $40 was mid-range. $50 was higher. then, there were the special, closer relatives who do happen to have money. they went all-out. that was our break-down with the money. really, it is about the gesture of caring & sharing joy with the newlyweds. if you can spend $10 by giving them a bottle of wine, that would be really nice. if not, i have heard 6 months is the time period, but what does it really matter?
it is all about the thought, not the price tag.
one of our friends actually bought us a picture frame that holds about 8 photos, then he took pictures of us & our family at our wedding. when we got back from our honeymoon, he surprised us with it. that was one of the most thoughtful gifts we got! he probably spend $10-15, but the thought was priceless!
2006-12-07 16:35:16 · answer #5 · answered by christy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friends know an understand you lost your job if not they are stupid, most brides an grooms invite friends to share in the moment not someone to pick up there lavish tap. with in 2-3 months if you can afford a gift give it to them things dont have to be lavish trust me the best gift my sister got were some cool flashlights and lightbulbs an basic tools for her wedding gifts
2006-12-07 16:31:53 · answer #6 · answered by rodeogirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it is not crass or off to bring JUST a card with the promise to bring a gift later. But you have to stick to that though.There is no use in saying you will when you never intended to do that anyways. But aslong as you intend on LATER giving them the gift, I reckon that a "TRUE" friend would accept that
Sincerely 'Andrew_T.'
2006-12-07 23:52:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is ok to give the couple a card especially if the know about your financial situation. They did not ask you to be @ their wedding in expectation of a present but for you to enjoy their wedding celebration with them. 30 dollars isn't bad and it is something they want and need or else it wouldn't be on their registry.Maybe you can do somethnig special for them like bring a camera to the reception or pre-wedding functions and make them an album or make coupons for them to do something special for them.
2006-12-07 16:54:23 · answer #8 · answered by latinagurl1986 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they are really good friend's and know about your loss of a job, I don't think that they will be expecting something expensive from you.
Bring yourself and even a $20 gift if thats all you can afford. They will be happy that you were there to spend their special day with them, not to see what you bought them.
2006-12-07 16:41:47 · answer #9 · answered by moobiemuffin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its ok. I'm sure a lot of people don't bring gifts. Plus technically you're a newly wed for the first year, so you're good.
2006-12-07 16:23:26 · answer #10 · answered by clg454 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋