How can I forgive/forget my ex from 4 years ago?

Question

4 yrs ago my guy left me, and the very next day began a serious relationship with a girl he had stopped dating to be with me. (They're still together and getting married in a few months-this news has made the following feelings) I've been married to my hubby (whom i love) for 2 yrs & I have a beautiful 16 mth old baby, but I can't get over this feeling of wanting my ex & his girl to be unhappy. I just feel like I want him to go thru what I did, I never thought they'd last because their relationship started out dishonestly. Where is justice? He was my life, then one day it was over. I wanted to die. I was in & out of the hospital for panic attacks & put on suicidewatch. For 2 yrs ALL i did was go to work & home. I was messed up. Im mad because I suffered & want justice. Where's karma? So now I just want to get over this & forgive/forget & get rid of those scars my ex gave me. I'm shaken up over how much this is effecting me, I want to cut that time of my life out of my mind

Answer 1

I realize it's hard... but shouldn't you focus on what you have and be above all that? The best thing you can do for yourself is to allow yourself to think less about that... you must be really busy with your family, so keep your mind focused on those priorities, and if necessary engage in hobbies, make new friends to occupy your time.
Really seriously you can be happy about what you have, you can feel relieved. (Also feel relieved that you weren't already married to your ex because the situation would have been messier to more people even). Some of us still haven't found the right person to marry yet even if we have a lot of good qualities just because we haven't fallen in love yet.
Look at the situation in another way. You can't have revenge in the way that you want it. You can't expect that. I think it's time to give that up, seriously. Set goals for yourself in other things (careerwise, motherwise, etc.) and decide that you'll feel superior or that you'll get over what happened to you as you go about achieving some of these goals (make them realistic though).
If you believe in God, pray. Do exercise to get more endorphins...
The best thing you can do is show your great qualities to the world and yourself (not to your ex). Someday you'll forget, just like many of us have forgotten some of our teenage woes.
Please let me know if this helps you...

Answer 2

uhm well.... I've had a situation like this...
Okay and what I did
: I hated the guy, and wanted to make there life miserable
but then...
I had to learn.. to stop holding a grudge.. and forget
I let it go, didnt think about it, and whenever i did I would distract myself. or listen to music that would get my mind off of it.

Theres things that hurt everyone in life, and to meet that someone you end up going through alot of heart break.. so instead of wanting justice.. just release all your feelings... of that
write poetry. talk about it
get it out of your system
I had this happen with an ex boyfriend( who i couldnt look at the same way again) by how bad he hurt me
and by a best friend

the best friend who I didnt talk to for over a year because of what she did.
and basically wanted her to be miserable cuz I knew I was
and she came up to me one day and asked to be friends
and I was sick and tired of having a grudge but I was like okay fine.. I'll be friends with her but it will be distant friends... and.. just forget about .. what happened.. and thats what happened.. and then we became best friends again... although I will never trust her again with anything...

Answer 3

You're married with a kid. That should be enough to keep you going and let you forget about that guy. He's getting married, you're already married. Who cares what happens to your ex and his fiance but your ex and his fiance? Yea it was rough after you guys broke up (I know I'm putting it mildy compared to what you wrote) but honestly I think the best thing to do is just be happy with your life and perhaps karma will come around and that guy will see how happy you are with your life and see what he let go.

Answer 4

You have to decide whether this will work for you, but one possibility is to not try so hard to fight your feelings here. We all have some "dark side" to us that we'd prefer to not be there but perhaps we give it power by fighting it. Perhaps we can calmly recognize it and accept it, acknowledge it's existence in a detached way. Then it may loose power over time.

Answer 5

I think you should press on with your life and stop seeking reasons to be miserable, you are hurting your husband indirectly. be a christian and forgive him and wishhim the best, not curse him and wish him ill, evil comes back around, dont forget.

Answer 6

YOU NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL
ABOUT WHAT GOING ON. IF YOU ARE HAPPYLY MARRIED
AND STILL HAVE EMOTIONS ISSUE WITH SOMEONE THAT
BEEN GONE FOR 4 YEARS. THERE A PROBLEM SO WHERE
AND UNTIL YOU GET THE CLOSURE YOU NEED. THIS WILL
BE A PROBLEM.