what do u do when u get in a new relationship and it's hard to luv again when u have been hurt in the past

Question

i got a new boyfriend and he seems to really luv me but i have a problem just believing he really does luv me im scared i mit get hurt again on the other hand i scared i mit lose something good because of the way i feel and i mit miss out on something that is really true im so confussed

Answer 1

Understand why the prevoius relationship ended, that is, why an ex is an ex. Do you see the same qualities in this guy? I.e. are you still attracting the same type of men that didn't work out? If no, maybe he's fine. Are you noticing the old pattern that lead to your old relationship to end? I.e. have you learned from the past? If you learned your lessons it should be all fine.

That said, don't compare him all the time to your ex. Especially loud out in his face. It gets rather annoying to hear. Get it all straight in your head first why an ex is an ex. Take your dating life slowly, you are not supposed to be expected to fall head over heals in love with the new guy right away.
Good luck to you.

Answer 2

I understand exactly how u feel...its hard for u to trust ur new bf..i mean u cant live in the past but u dont have to forget it either..people just learn from their past relationships. I would suggest that u make it clear to him how ur ex bf treated u in the past..im sayin u will know if he is for real and trust worthy bc he wont make the same mistakes the other guy/guys did when they were with u ..make it clear that u want to take things slow...i mean how would he know what he is doing wrong if u dont tell him..if u really like him but not sure if u love him then dont tell him u love him yet..until u r sure that u do and u r sure that he has ur heart as well. In this situation communication is the key...it always is..and it gives u a definate answer.. good luck on whatever u decide

Answer 3

The worse thing you can do is look at the new person in your life in the light of the one that went away. If u don't go into a new relationship with a new mindset, its bound to crash and besides its not fair by the other person either. Just allow yourself to like him first - love will soon follow. Don't look for the qualities in that the one you loved and lost had. People are different and that's what is great about it. Also don't expect to be hurt. When you expect it, it often happens and sometimes u end up behaving in way that u make the other want to go away. - YOU SAID IT, ITS A NEW RELATIONSHIP, SO START OUT NEW!!! GOOD LUCK

Answer 4

Try not to take the emotions from a past relationship and apply them to a new one. It is unfair to yourself as well as to the new person in your life. Allow yourself to love, care, and feel. Allow yourself to risk being hurt again or you will never attain love because you don't freely give it. When you fell off you bike did you get on again? You were a little scared at first but you eventually got it and the wind in your hair felt so good!

Answer 5

You need to remember that he is someone new. Don't compare
him to someone else. Men hate that.
You need to get rid of your old garbage before you can truly be
in another relationship. I never understood that about people.
You see, if you would of gotten rid of all that junk from the other
one and healed from it, you wouldn't be having all of these doubts
about this one.
A person never really knows until you take that step.
Pray about it and see what the Lord tells you.
He is the one who knows who is right for you.
I do wish you all the best in all that you do in this matter.
Love is a hard thing, but when it comes from the heart you will
know that it is for real.
good luck

Answer 6

I have dated a girl with the same problem!!! I loved her with all my heart, yet I could not keep her from feeling I was going to leave her. In the end her inner demon won out, and we ended our relationship... All I can say is you must, you must not be afraid to truly love again... Life is full of winding roads, with no "U Turns", so give your boyfriend the luv & devotion that he deserves..

Good Luck!!!

Answer 7

Take it slow and be very honest about your fears. Watch his reactions. If he gets offended or angry that you struggle with trust, run for the hills; he is a manipulator and a controller. If he smiles and says "thats okay", really, if he is UNDERSTANDING of all that you have been through, I think you will be fine.
Good luck.....its been a couple years since my last disaster...er....*relationship*, and he was abusive, controlling, and horrible on every level. I have yet to have my crush(es) get anywhere but Ive got a feeling about my current. I hope I can apply to myself the advice I have given to you.

Answer 8

You gotta take a chance, if it doesn't work out move on and another opportunity will come don't let the past ruin your future it's worth it just to go for it you'll miss out more if you hold back. Better to go all out now and find out early on if he's the right one for you than to walk on eggshells and find out later you were meant for someone else.

Answer 9

when you are with him. does he look around?? does he seems not to pay much attention to you?? if he dont then he must really love you. does he hold you alot? does he holds you from behind even in front of everyone? even his friends? does he kiss you in front of his friends? if he does then he really loves you. ask yourself those q's and see whats your answer when you are around him. every girl go through pain and heart broken to get to true love. it alwayz happens. i knw how you feel about loving again. i have been hurt mant times. all the guys i like end up liking my bestfriends. and i always end up hurt at the end. but after i went out w/ my bf he gave me whats love again. so turst yourself. GOOD LUCK.

Answer 10

really its bad to get into a relationship when your not fully over your ex. you need to take time for yourself after a bad relationship. you just need to realize this guy your dating now isn't your ex. you can't compare the two. let things go naturally.