(must be lack of peanutbutter)
2006-12-07 14:09:51 · 21 answers · asked by Illegals Are S*** 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
There was this deacon who skipped church to go bear hunting one Sunday. He was walking down the path justifying in his mind that he was out in God's nature, His "other book" when he came around a bend in the path and came face to face with a mother bear and her two cubs. Knowing he was in a bad predicament, he started to back up but slipped off the path and began to tumble down into a steep ravine. As he rolled and bounced down the slope, he lost his rifle and as he rolled to a stop he realized he'd broke a leg. Worse yet, the bear was tearing down the hill after him. At this point, as any good deacon would do, he began to pray. But he panicked and could not think of what to say. Finally, he stammered out, "Please God, just make this bear a Christian." And just like that the bear stopped in her tracks, got down on her knees and folded her paws, closed her eyes and said, "thank you Lord for this meal I'm about to receive."
Prayers for you too. Praise God and count your blessings, that'll cheer you up!
2006-12-07 14:33:52 · answer #1 · answered by Devon 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Jack-- relax.
Get busy with the facts.
No zodiacs, no almanacs,
no maniacs in polyester slacks.
Just the facts.
Gonna kick some gluteus max.
It's a parallax---you dig?
You move around
The small gets big, it's a rig.
It's action-- reaction--
Random interaction
So who's afraid
Of a little abstraction?
Can't get no satisfaction
From the facts?
Better run, homeboy--
A fact is a fact
From Nome to Rome, boy.
What's the deal? Spin the wheel.
If the dice are hot--take a shot.
Play your cards. Show us what you got--
What you're holding,
If the cards are cold,
Don't go folding.
Lady Luck is golden:
She favors the bold. That's cold.
Stop throwing stones--
The night has a thousand saxophones.
So get out there and rock,
And roll the bones.
Get busy.
2006-12-07 14:14:21 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Do some thing that you opt for to do. Watch a humorous movie and eat some popcorn and fake that you're at a movie theature and turn off the lighting fixtures and only relax and dont problem. look on the information superhighway for humorous jokes that works too. call one in each and every of your persons and make an nighttime out and function relaxing too.
2016-11-30 07:21:26 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Loving God
protect me with
Your Love,
Prevent others
from viewing me with hostility.
Never allow
the negativity of others
to influence my life
or affect my destiny.
Oh how much good
I've lost
in losing control
of my anger;
such a large portion of life,
so much growth
I've let slip from my hands
by allowing my burning thoughts
to get better of me.
God,
teach me to let go.
God of wonders,
You've given me
the most wonderful
of all gifts--
the gift of free will.
May my will never deviate
from Your holy Will.
Guide me always,
so that all the choices I make
are good ones---
choices that are
in harmony with Your Will,
as long as I live.
God of unfathomable goodness,
the history of human agony
haunts my soul;
ashes, blood, and cries
pierce my heart;
diabolic schemes of oppressors
plague my mind.
Grand me an extra measure of
strength,
understanding
and faith
to help me find You--
to discover Your Light
midst the blinding dread,
through the revolving horror.
God, perfect God--
You created me
destined for perfection;
how far have I wandered
from that destiny!
How much of my purity
have I squandered
through careless, thoughtless,
self-centered behavior--
behavior wanting in morality
and holiness.
Overcoming Doubt
My vision is distorted,
loving God of truth.
I want to see clearly,
but my heart leads me
through twisted, convoluted paths
of misunderstood impressions.
Straighten those paths
so that I can strengthen myself
in the conviction of my beliefs.
Troubles
Kind, Loving, Mighty God:
Stretch out Your hand
to strengthen me.
Lift me up
from my abyss;
right my wrongs;
turn my every failure
into success.
Look upon my troubles
and say,
"Enough!"
Oh, God
Your Creation resonates
with holy sounds
Let me hear them all.
Let them penetrate my heart
and rouse my senses;
the jangle of a charity box;
the voice of an faithful teacher;
even the intonation
of my own sign
when I cry out to You--
all these sounds are holy.
Oh, God
let my heart hear them all
and be uplifted.
Ruler of the World,
grant me truth!
Spare me from the lies of others,
Help me stop myself
from lying
to others
Save me
from lying to myself,
and spare me
from the lies
of my own illusions.
Oh, God
never let me live a lie,
even for only a moment.
Center of all existence
help me find the way
to that sacred sanctuary
within myself,
to that precious center of my existence.
Help me discover
my place in the World--
that space where I truly belong,
that space which belongs
unconditionaly to me
Dear God,
I've wandered for so very long,
Help me find my way
home.
2006-12-07 14:26:01 · answer #4 · answered by Tellie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Father in heaven, if it be thy will, please send Peanut Butter Goddess a joy in her heart, a joy that is unmatched by the taste of crunchy organic peanut butter, which is fleeting, like the wind. Give her the eternal peanut of life; fill the peanut shaped hole in her heart; speak to her the whispering crunch of a lightly salted peanut that says today is good and tomorrow is even better.
2006-12-07 14:15:13 · answer #5 · answered by Aspurtaime Dog Sneeze 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A city boy went for the summer to his country cousin to stay,and went to church for the first time. when he and the cousin returned home, the mother noticed a black eye on the city boy. The cousin explained, that when miss johnson in the next pew stood to sing, her dress was stuck in between her butt, so when the city boy pulled it out for her, she got mad and hit him. During the week he was starting to heal, but the next sunday it happened again. The cousin explained again, but this time he saw that the dress was not bunched up and in her butt, so he reached out and tried to put it back in, where he thought she wanted it to be.
2006-12-07 14:36:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A cat was walking along and saw another cat sitting by the wall. He said, "What are you doing?"
The other cat said, "There's a mouse here in this hole in the wall, and I want to eat him, but he knows that I'm here, so he won't come out."
The first cat said, "Watch this." He went over to the wall, and in a convincing voice said, "Woof, woof!"
The mouse assumed that a dog had come and chased away the cats. Thinking it was safe to come out of the hole, he came out, and the cat grabbed him.
Licking his lips as he walked away, the cat said, "Now you can see the advantage of being bilingual!"
Sorry you're blue. Have a good nite!
2006-12-07 14:13:42 · answer #7 · answered by drshorty 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
extra chunky peanutbutter = roasted peanuts in a peanutbutter can.
2006-12-07 14:14:48 · answer #8 · answered by uhohspaghettiohohs 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Life is hard without pb! How about the elderly preacher that dreamed that he was preaching to the congregation. He woke up and HE WAS!
And ........
May the Lord delight in you!!
2006-12-07 14:16:13 · answer #9 · answered by 4thwatch 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Which is the road to peanutbutter street, i want to go there?
It all depends which way you want to go!!
2006-12-07 14:14:39 · answer #10 · answered by I'm Sparticus 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋