How do I tell my parents?

Question

20 years old, pregnant (just found out!). I asked another question about what I should do.. but I think this one will be more what I need to know. I'm excited about having this baby..I never wanted to have kids honestly, but when i found out I was pregnant something inside me tingled, and I had a change of heart. I am REALLY excited (something i never expected) But my parents are sooo strict, and I am in college right now on the path to law school, hoping to be a corporate attorney someday. I have such a close relationship to them, and it's better than ever! They love me and are so proud of me right now...but they distinctly told me before that i better not end up getting pregnant. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years, and he is part of my family. they love him. but i'm so scared of what their reaction will be, they are gonna be so mad at both of us, especially him. This is like their worst nightmare, honestly, and I know I am an adult & it's my choice..(read addition)

(continued) ...but they are so much a part of my everyday life and i call them every day and i'm so close to them. this is such a tough situation for me, cause I want to have this baby, but how am i going to deal with college (my PRIORITY in life up until now i guess, which should be the baby..). How do I tell them?!?! I am so scared of telling them. And how can I have this baby, be a great mommy, and at the same time finish MY dreams of college and law school..and i'm not ready to settle down and get married right now...my boyfriend and i plan on getting married after i'm done with law school... This is so tough. I need some serious advice about how I should deal with my parents and what i should do about my life? and this baby? i am so excited but i think it's such a bad time. I AM definitely mature and fit to be a mom though, and financially set, I just am at such an important time of my life... help please! :)

and one more thing... the things i'm most scared and worried about... isn't so much what they will do to me, but it's letting them down and breaking their hearts. i want them to be proud of me not ashamed of me... that's what is so hard for me right now!

ALSO.. my boyfriend is really excited about the baby too. he's always wanted a baby, i was the one who didn't. but now we are both really excited as far as the baby goes. but we are both worried about my plans...and my parents. And my future isn't so much about the money, it is just about the goal i set for myself, and i have been acheiving it ever since. Fortunately, i could even live as a stay at home mom right now and be set because i've got plenty of money to live on for the rest of my life...and so does my boyfriend...but i feel like if i don't live up to my goals that I set, I will always feel like a failure. i want to be the first one out of my older siblings (who live the great life, driving benzes and beamers, but have never worked a day in their life...) that actually does amazing and gets a really good job. i am the only determined one, adn the last chance at making my parents proud. if i fail, they will feel like failures as parents.

Answer 1

Must read story.......................! to answer your question.

First of all congratulations to both of you. I am 25 years old married with three boys aged 4, 3, and the youngest at the moment turning 2 on the 12 of this month so you can imagine how old was i when i first had my elder one. I was only 20 years old and my girlfriend (wife) was 21 when we first had our elder one. I was still in our technical institute and she was still in teachers college. We were both having the same problem then but now we are more than happy with our small family. When my wife (girlfriend) found out that she's up, we were really worried like you now. We both have to face the same problems in facing her parents who really trusted her. So much for the problems we tried for abortion but at the very last moment with the Doctor, she changed her mine due to the help of the lord who speaks through the doc.[that's my believe] Now when we look back at our kids, we really regret that moment we were at the clinic coz it could have prevented us from having this lovely family. Please do not take this as a make up story coz this is how our family started. If you like to confirm this, you can drop few lines to my em add ([e-mail]).

How did we overcome all those problems at that very moment. As the boyfriend, i felt that i have the biggest responsibility here and that's exactly what i did. We both went to see her family. We first told her sisters and than her brother and the wife unofficially. We then asked the brother to ask her parents for a sit together the next morning which was a Sunday. After church that Sunday,her parents came back and we had that sit together.
After the father's turn he gave the time for the rest of us to share anything we want to share. I was sitting next to the father and i was thingking if the parents do not recieve this in a good way then i will be in big trouble.
First i thank the whole family for the hospitality coz everytime when i'm home they always nice to me especially her parents. Then i broke down the news to the parents. Her dad was quite but her mum started crying. I apologised for what i have done. I told them that better they hear from me than from someone else out side the family. Both the parents accepted me and than decided for us to get married which we did within three weeks from that Sunday.

Now my wife is a fulltime teacher with a christian school and i am working at the University of the South Pacific in Suva, Fiji.
My elder two will be going to kindergarden school come next year. We are now enjoying our small family with the presents of the three kids in the house.

Now i know that you two can be very worried now but you can use our short story to answer you question. I hope that everything goes well for the two of you for every decision that you make. All the best and my whole family's support to both of you in what ever decision you make.

God bless you and your future.
Please let me know of the out come. [e-mail]

Answer 2

1. That I was a full time smoker til I found out I was pregnant. 2. That I have done drugs before. 3. Lost my virginity at 16. 4. How many people I've slept with. 5. That I started drinking at an early age. 6. The time I lied about when I was staying for New Years when I was a junior in high school. 7. Met a guy in person once that I met off the Internet. 8. Driven drunk several times, many of those underage. 9. What sexual stuff I'm into. 10. The times I had my boyfriend sneak into my room when I was 16.

Answer 3

First things first. You need to figure out what you AND your boyfriend want and get a plan. Having a bay and going to school is not going to be easy but it can be done if you want it bad enough. I finshed out my degree with a toddler and a husband, but it was a lot of sacrafice, late nights and tight budget ( never have I regretted it though). If you and your boyfriend are not ready to be married then don't do it because you are pregnant, but figure out how the two of you can raise this child and be parents. After the two of you have had the talk and got things planned out then go to your parents together. Just be up front with them tell them you have to talk to them, tell them you are pregnant but you are going to finish school and what plans the two of you have made, let them talk and say what they need to say and then tell them no matter what you love them and didn't do this to hurt them and you will give them time and when they are ready to talk call. Just because you are happy they won't be but you are their daughter and they love you and as you said you are an adult and not a teenager. This happened with my sister when she was 21 and it took a few weeks before my parents finally got out of the daze and could talk but that is the key talking. They will be disappointed but if you are doing it and not counting on them for help they will see it as an addition to the family and love it as much as you do.

Answer 4

I think it's great that you are continuing your education and hope that someday you acheive your goal at having a great career... I had my first child at nineteen with no career plans and no money unlike yourself. When I told my parents that I was pregnant my father was on the verge of tears... My parents misgivings were short-lived and they began to support me 100%... My boyfriend and I were together also and for a short time he was resented as well, by my parents. I think you should just go to your parents and let them know... You say that you and your parents are really close which means that they love you a great deal... I know that your situation is going to seem a bit difficult at times but, if you keep your focus and 'Finish' school everything is going to turn out okay... Having a child will slow the progress for a spell but given your financial stability, it shouldn't be too hard to achieve... You are very young and we all find ourselves in difficult situations that seem to be out of our reach... You and your boyfriends' baby is going to open up a whole new world for both of you... I want you to know also that your parents are going to love that baby to no end, afterall, she/he will be their grandchild...

So, as I said just stay focused, stay on the right track and get ready for your miracle...

Remember we choose our own destiny and obstacles are just what they are... Live your life for our God and yourself...

...live well, be well and most important... BE HAPPY!!!

Answer 5

Ok...here it goes.... Of course they will be upset. Thats normal. They don't want your dreams to end because of having a child. But they are old-school. It is very possible for you to have both and now you have to work twice as hard to show them.

But remember, they will still love you no matter what, if what you say about your relationship with them is true.

I would however rethink the permanence of your bf.... I doubt he has the same goals as you. Isn't he the one that already has a kid? Let your parents know as soon as possible. They deserve the truth. And let them again show you they love you. It's not the life they hoped for but it will be the life they embrace. And they will eventually share in your excitement. After-all they are going to be grandparents... But dump the guy!

Answer 6

* If you do plan to marry your boyfriend, I would work out an agreement with him first to approach your family together with the announcement that you're pregnant and planning to get married. That way it will be good news. You can even plan a nice evening together and let them know you have a very special announcement to make.

* If not, Call the Nurturing Network
1-800-TNN-4MOM
http://www.thenurturingnetwork.org

If they can't help you directly, they can refer you to very supportive resources, including help on how to approach your parents, etc. This network was started by a business woman who wanted to offer educational and work opportunities to college and career women otherwise pressured to give up their babies against their wishes.

If necessary, they will relocate someone to another job or school to get away from the pressures of the situation.

The pressure on career women (such as the woman whose boss got her pregnant then threatened to fire her if she had the baby) is the whole reason the Nurturing Network was started.

So if there is a chance your family may not support your plans, and may overreact and threaten you negatively, please call around to set up alternative sources of support until they get over it.

A friend of mine told me that happened to someone she knew; that her family was angry, rejected her and pressured her not to have the baby or to give it up, but after the baby was born they all changed their minds. Since anything can happen, be prepared to backup your decision.

Answer 7

Congratulations!! Well by the sound of it they might get mad but maybe they might not and you will be suprised!! At the end of the day if they abanded you or not treat you the same then they will be loosing their grand child which no parent can ever do that!! Just try to talk to them explain that you are an adult now, you really want this baby as it has changed your life and you want them to be there for you and your baby!!

Answer 8

If they love you, they will be happy to have a grandchild and be happy for you.

Then you and/or he has to work.

Then try to do school while you raise a baby. Maybe one or two classes at a time. Depending on babysitting and loans and money. Maybe trade babysitting with another parent who is in school too.

They probably think its like your life is over if you have a kid when you are 20. It does make things a bit more difficult but its still possible to make good things happen in life. People have more options now.

Answer 9

This is really a no brainer. Amazing to see how far society has degenerated to where you don't already know the answer to this.

Things are good with the father whom you have had a committed relationship with for 4 years?

Get married, Problem solved. Have a happy and love filled life. I am slightly ashamed of you for not knowing the answer yourself.

Answer 10

Roxbaby....If you are close to your parents then tell them the truth don't let them find out later and they will in 9 months anyway so the best way to handle this is to get your boyfriend and sit with your parents and tell them how you and him are going to raise your new little family.Yes they are going to be disappointed but at least you will be up front and telling them the truth.They will get over it in time but as soon as the baby is born your parents are going to forget ever being mad and love that baby to death!And you as well. Have faith.