Discipline 11 year Old?

Question

My son is 11 and he goes through these spurts, a week he is really good, and than all of a sudden he goes into a spell where he is in trouble at school and this week he was suspended from the bus for two days, What or How do I discipline him so that it will stick. I have tried to ground him which never works because we live in the middle of no where and there is nothing to really ground him from. I have taken away his TV and Video game privelages this also does not work I am at my wits end because I know he can be good. He just chooses not to, And the school is starting to think they should lean towards medication, he has already been tested for all of that and that doesn't seem to be a problem. Any advice?

Answer 1

Do NOT put him on medication for pete's sake! If you say you live in the middle of nowhere, he just must be plain bored. A reward system with special privleges will work best. If he gets an A, perhaps you can take him and his friends somewhere during some weekend or give him a Saturday night with his friends with an extended curfew. Also, maybe allow him to work a part-time job. He will keep occupied and learn responsibility, but enjoy himself (given the job is something he enjoys) and earn some money. An extracurricular is always good too.

Answer 2

what you really need to do is DISCIPLINE!!!!!! I don't mean by just grounding him or not letting him watch TV, get him to do those chores you wouldn't even do, rake the leaves, paint the fence, clean out the storage room etc... Make sure tho that this boy has extra stuff to do though. Boys need to be active, some like sports and some like computer games. The way to get around this is to ask your son what he would like to do as a extra curricular sport, even if it's hanging out with his friends. You gotta get that boy away from the television. Did you know that most children watch at least 30 hours a week of television thats like a full time job?? think about how much more your child can really do, I know he's only 11, but you have to smarten him out now, and make sure that he understands to listen to you and behave like a normal child should. And meds is no way to solve this problem. It's time for you and the other parent to step in and show him a little tough love. Have you ever watched waterboy with adam sandler when the dad found out his football son was talking horrible things about women?? yeah, do something like that. Good luck.

Answer 3

One of the biggest things that happens (and I don't know if this is you or not) is parents give in after a while to their child's demands, or don't always follow through with their threats ("don't do that or you'll get in trouble" but they never do). That's a major reason children act bad. It's not just parents, it could be teachers if he's like that in school, but that's normally a longer term thing.

Grounding doesn't work for all children. It's not always enough of a negative to keep the behavior from returning. Some children, especially as they get older, even find ways around the restrictions and so it's like they're not even grounded at all.

Sometimes the best discipline is a simple spanking. It sounds harsh (and some people will scream "child abuse!") but it does work. Don't be excessive and don't do it in anger, that's the most important thing. Make sure he knows you're not angry and are beating him because you're mad, but rather it is because he did something wrong and that is not acceptable. I was spanked when I was 12, and I stopped doing what I was doing not just because it hurt, but mainly because I was "too old" to be spanked and it was embarrasing. It worked!

Answer 4

Say hello to puberty first. Then rethink your deffintion of "priveliges". Are these things he has had access to from the very beginning? If so they are not priveliges. I have never seen grounding work on ANY child regardless of where they lived. All it managed to do was make the parent as miserable as the child because they had to deal with a miserable whiny child who had been grounded. You are also looking at parenting all wrong. Rather than seek a punishment for when he doesn't behave you should have been disciplining him. That's where the privelges come in. When he behaves he gets a certain amount of time with a chosen privelige...and that is IT. In raising my daughter it was no more than an hour during the week of televion/games/videos. There were no such things in her bedroom. She didn't even have a computer in her bedroom until she was almost 18 years old and paid for her own. Up until then we SHARED a compter and again she was limited to an hour per day on it...I would allow more if it was for a school project. When she didn't behave she got no priveliges, whining didn't work because I had headphones and knew how to use them. I would have to say that consequently, we had very little trouble with my daughter, she did have a bout of not participating in her school work in highschool which resulted in her flunking out her senior year but she bounded back by getting her diploma in less than three months as well as maintaining a 4.0 grade average in college now. But her school work was her responsiblity from the time she reached the 4th grade. I never had th need to bribe her or to "ground" her, never had to hit her to "make" her behave. We had rules and when they were followed she was rewarded. When they weren't followed she recieved no rewards...

Answer 5

I will tell you what worked for my son and myself. It wasn't easy but it was healthy and extremely effective.

"Ritalin is Not the Answer" by David Stein PhD. I don't hit and I don't drug, so I thought I was up a creek. I was so lucky to have found this book. The consequence portion actually trains children to develop self-control and the reinforcement section helps the family develop healthy habits.

I know I won't get best answer because this isn't as long and involved as some postings, but I urge you to just give the book a go, it may even be in the library or something, because I am afraid you will lose hope and drug your child like the school wants or hit your child like some of these posters suggest.

Answer 6

OMG--he is just acting up and needs discipline. Don't do the medication thing or counseling until you have tried the thing that works most often.

Set some clear rules and expectations. And then have a consequence--and impose that consequence CONSISTENTLY. And like so many said here the best thing that could be is spanking.

And at 11 years old he is not too old for one, but he is too old for just the thud of your hand on his rear. Get a paddle or something like that--and I would whack his bare fanny.

I think you will be surprised and pleased.

If that does not work (and if you do it right it will start working pretty quickly)--then look at some of these other alternatives. I don't think you are going to have to drug your son.

Good luck.

Answer 7

I know I'm not that old...just 14..but my brother has/had about the same kind of problem! I don't know how to dicipline him, but I do know one thing!! DON'T put him on medication. It's just a cop-out by the teachers and it really could screw up your boy. Some teachers made my brother go on meds...they didn't fix the right dose, and he doesn't think as fast as he used to (he stopped taking the meds a long time ago though!) Boys can be imature, just over time (obviously) they mature and grow out of these things! Good luck...Merry Christmas!

Answer 8

Rewards work much better than "taking away". When kids are being looked at like they're "bad" - like the school is doing, he will just start acting bad because that's what everybody expects.

If you set up a reward system, he can earn things that he really wants. If he doesn't do well one day, he doesn't get a point. Eventually, he'll catch on.

If you need help setting it up, email me at [e-mail]

Answer 9

think about the most important things to him and let him earn them back if there is nothing chemicly wrong it wouldn't do any good to put him on I would just choose a disapline and always be consistant with it so when he does somthing wrong ;he will know what to expect and I hope it works out for you I know it sounds like I am saying what you are already doing but it usually works sorry not more usefull

Answer 10

Have him do chores. Rake some leaves, do the dishes, clean his room, fold laundry etc...After each chore he has accomplished ask him why he does the things he does. It is amazing after they calm down or you calm down what you can get them to talk about. I do not think meds is the right way to go. Just because children act out doesn't mean to medicate them. I know when my older nephew acts out, his Mom takes him to Mc'Ds or somewhere they can sit and talk while having an ice cream. It has helped tremendously because he got the one on one attention and someone listened instead of getting mad.