How to help a six year old boy with dread of abandonment?

Question

My son feels attacks of anxiety when he imagines that we have abandoned him for example if he can't find his parents or if we are late to collect him. He recently saw another man that looks like me who ignnored him (of course), and this triggered an anxiety attack. I feel he is expressing his anxiety through dread of abandonment. I have encouraged him to use plans of action such as seeking help instead, and this is working but only in specific situations where he has learned to do that and then becomes comfortable with a specific situation. For example, after coaching him, he now feels comfortable after his swimming lesson finding his own way back to our seat. When a new different situation arises he again feels the anxiety attack.

Answer 1

I think you need to find out why this started. Did he see something on TV or did hear others talking. Children are so intuitive and they pick up on things that we would never realize. I would just keep encouraging him and tell him often how glad you are to have him. He may just be going through a stage.

Answer 2

Well the best way to deal with an anxiety attack is to understand what it is, how it happens, and why. As for the abandonment issue- I would practice with him... set a timer and tell him when it goes off you will be there, then make the timer longer each time. Explain to him that if you ever late to pick him up, that something may have caused your tardiness but that you will be there. Buy some walkie talkies when your out, so if you get seperated you can communicate. Lots of little things can help. They have cell phones for kids that only allow the child to call certain numbers, you can assign the number to like a speed dial. Some of these things can help him feel more in control and ease his anxietys.

Answer 3

Wow, that's pretty heavy for one so young. I think there's more here than just fear of abandonment, but of any change, and you and his mother are the objects of stability and security. Consider equiping him with one of the Firefly children's mobile phones (they only allow the child to dial designated numbers like home and parent's work, etc) or a two-way, so he can feel a sense of connection to you or his mom whenever he needs you, so he realizes he's just a button push from you. But that's just a stop-gap measure for now. He also needs some coping actions when he feels fearful. You'll need to playact a number of situations and actually work through scenarios, like getting separated in a store or in a crowd. He needs to begin working with a specialist, though, since anxiety often requires medication to manage. He seems too young for obsessive-compulsive disorder, which usually appears at adolesence, but I'd suggest seeing a specialist in OCD and anxiety. Check local hospitals for centers.

Answer 4

You have already taken the first steps by coaching him. Well done! The secret is practice, practice, practice! Doesn't have to be hard work. Playing hide & seek is a fun way of developing a bit of independance and initiative. Make sure he is aware of who else he can approach safely if "lost" teachers, swimming instructors, police, security guards, shop assistant, parents of friends..... My daughter was taught to trace her hand, then for each finger she had to think of 1 person she could ask for help in a particular situation and she decorated the fingers to represent them. It soon got to the stage where she could just hold up her hand and rattle off 5 "saviours" for any situation.
Good luck and keep up the good work.

Answer 5

hi!my name is donna belle, i am from phillipine and i'm willing to help you by giving you a advice for your son.Anxiety and panic are a series of mind and body reactions that have evolved over millions of years and are essential to the survival of all living things.

Anxiety probably serves many functions, but two of the main ones are:-
It helps prepare our body for action, make us more alert, ready to fight or flee from any imminent threat to our survival - this is related to the direct anxiety symptoms such as fast heartbeat, fast breathing, being jittery and on edge, trembling etc. We can go from being totally relaxed to totally tense in an instant (related to panic).


It causes us to plan ahead for any potential dangers and how we may deal with them - an excellent survival strategy (it's better to deal with a danger or avoid it before we get in the situation) but an unfortunate effect of this is that we can get anxious / nervous just thinking about situations - a main ingredient in the causes of anxiety disorders - related to symptoms such as persistent negative thoughts and excessive worrying.

you have to make sure that you always show your love to your son,have a quality time with him,be open with him about your goals in life or talk with him ask him about anything make him feel that there is no way that you will abandoned him or leave him because love him so much.always tell him that you care about him and hug him by showing it to him.

for more questions be free to e-mail me at [e-mail]

wish you all the best.

Answer 6

when I was a child I was the same way (although my parents never too them seriously) there could be something in his memories (real or in a dream) that scared him so maybe you should take him to a child psychologist and then you may be able to work through this issue.

Answer 7

could someone or more than one person pass away in the last few years? Thay is what caused my grandsons, afraid that you will be there one moment and gone the next. Feels safe if you are in view.

Answer 8

Not any thing intill hes older and can take Zoloft to stop the atacks.

Answer 9

Think about a theripis??