Should I tell him?

Question

A couple months ago my boyfriend of a year suddenly started calling his exwhen I wasn't around. I found out, got VERY upset and he said it was nothing and I didn't need to know. As a result, he called and texted her more and more causing many problems for us. Knowing that it was causing problems he kept turning to her when I got upset, even tho THAT is what was making me upset to begin with! It went on for a month until I almost left him, then he stopped.
Last week MY ex released a cd and included a song about me. He emailed me so I could listen to it and we've emailed a few times just talking about his cd. Today I talked to him on AIM for a long time, just about the past, and catching up.
Should I be upfront and tell my boyfriend this? He will never know if I don't tell him, but I feel like it's the same thing I got upset with him for hiding from me. There was nothing to it, just like he told me about HIS ex and I never believed him. We are very serious and live together.

Even though there was nothing to the conversation, I don't want to do the same thing to him that he did. I felt so betrayed knowing he was sneaking around to talk to his ex... I just don't know if I should leave it alone or tell him...

Answer 1

i think you should tell him. I would tell my boyfriend. A similar situation also happened to me, but it was with emails. It started with HIM contacting his ex girlfriend, and i got PISSED, because they were very serious, and he was HEARTBROKEN when they broke up. He said they were just catching up, but of course i didn't believe him. Not too long after, my ex also contacted me. Rather than hiding it, i tried to use it to make him jealous so he could see how it felt. Well, he got COMPLETELY jealous. And though it sounds weird, it actually worked. Because we are both jealous people, we swore to never talk to our ex's again, and 2 years later, we both haven't. Anyways, i think if you tell him, things will go much better.

Answer 2

Well?...what does your conscience say to do? The fact is here is that you are doing the same exact thing that your live-in boyfriend had done that you got extremely upset about. Does one bad turn deserve another? No. What I would do and this is me..is either stop and think on who I really loved if love is in the picture here. I f you still have strong feelings with your ex-boyfriend then be true to your present boyfriend and tell him how you feel. If you don't really love or have feelings for your ex then stop talking to him...don't tell your present boyfriend and let by gones be by gones. Then you won't hurt him and your life might get better in the long run living with him.Good luck

Answer 3

I think you should definitely tell him, hiding it can only make things worse. If he DOES find out, and you have'nt told him, he'll be suspicious... Remember, you have nothing to hide so why should you? As for HIS ex, you should consider that its just like you with yours... if your really worried or upset about it tell him, be honest and if he cant give you a direct answer or trys to avoid the subject then MAYBE you have reason to worry then again it could be a personal problem but one just between friends. In the end you need to decide the answer because your the one who is in the situation... this is just some advice.
hope you figure it out

Answer 4

OK, So I assume that everyone is grown up? Then why are we acting so childish? Listen, give your guy his space, the more of a problem you make it - the more leverage she has against you. He'll go off and whine about how you nag him all the time - and then she will be more than happy to comfort him. Let him talk to his ex. I would suggest that you observe from a distance, and ask him to be honest with you. Watch out for any suspicious cheating behavior or any other things. When it all comes down to it - You have got to trust him.

Answer 5

No, i don't think you should tell him, even though you know it is innocent and you did nothing but talk, he is not gonna see it that way, there is always something about the Xs that start trouble, because as you well know that even though it is nothing now, it might turn into something , if you did not like certain things about your x, you would have never dated him to start with, and when people split they tend to forget about what caused the split and kind of remeber the good times and that is what usually spark things again. So bottom line if you tell your boy-friend you are asking for trouble, because even if he says it is ok, then he has an execuse to do it himself and as you know guys are not like girls, they cannot keep it in their pants for long. Good luck.

Answer 6

I totally see where you're coming from but to tell you the truth it is better if you don't tell him, especially if you're not planning to keep in touch with your ex, why should you worry your current boyfriend?

The way i see it (and i too live w/ my boyfriend of 2 years) is that if he ever talks to his ex i rather not know 'cause i do trust him but it is of human nature for me to be bothered by it, know what i mean?! .........and the same goes w/ me, i (once in a while) speak to my ex but i know it's nothing serious and nothing to worry him about.

Now don't get me wrong, i do think it's wrong if either one of you talks to an ex like 24-7 but i don't think there's anything wrong w/ keeping in touch once in a while, after all, that person was once very special to you, right?

I hope i was able to help you out ;-)

Answer 7

If you were to tell him it would seem like you were only talking to your ex to get back at him...which you probably are. If he is hiding talking to his ex from you than there is probably more going on than you think there is. Plus he is telling her about all your problems and probably making you out to be the bad guy. If you told him that it bothers you that he talks to her behind your back and he continues to do it than obviously he has no respect for your feelings. Oh and you talking to your ex about a song he wrote about you is really disrespectful to your current boyfriend and if you do plan on staying with him, I'd suggest you get over your last relationship first.

Answer 8

Well, I believe in being honest in a relationship, especially relationships as serious as you two have. ^^ I honestly dont think it should be THAT big of deal if your boyfriend is mature enough, and honestly, it sounds like what you and your ex were doing was friendly and calm, nothing big. If you tell him maturely about your ex and how you guys have been chatting and catching up of late, he shouldnt be that upset. (BTW, what your BF did seems WAY worse. If you dont tell him, youll be repeating the mistake he made.)

Now if your boyfriend has a short fuse and takes things way to seriously, I wouldnt tell him. 0_o;

Answer 9

Just like a female with your doulbe standards. Oh, he can't talk to his ex but you can just because he released some CD with a song about you? You girls will never be happy in life because you don't even know what you really want. Here is my advice. Do what you want. Be open about it. If your significant other doesn't like it, maybe he/she shouldn't be your significant other in the first place. It's really simple and you girls make everything so damn complicated.

Answer 10

yeah if the song is really complementary to you. You know you want too. Just be sure you tell him he was seeking you out rather than the other way around. That makes you the honest one, the sought after one, and keep him on his toes. A taste of his own medicine while you remain the "honest, good girl " girlfriend. Make him feel like the replaceable schmuck he really is.