She is a dry drunk. She is manipulative, verbally abusive and just plain unpleasant. I am six years sober and my life is really based on truth, kindness and honesty.
Would you, in my shoes, allow her near your child at all if she continues to preach falsely from the 12 step programs, continues to judge everyone who is not in a 12 step program, verbally abuse, manipulate and lie? I, quite frankly, do not want her near my child. My sister physically, verbally and emotionally abused me my entire life. I had told her to keep away from me a while ago, but in the spirit of Christmas, engaged in dialogue with her. Big mistake.
Just yesterday, she e-mailed me that the only reason she spoke to me was so that she could have a relationship with my daughter and my husband. (She's gay, she's NOT after my husband, folks.) It seems that she just needs to covet other people's lives in order to feel like she has one of her own. She actually had a picture of my cat in her home. Weird.
2006-12-07 11:06:03 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Okay, so I am sober, physically and emotionally. I know that I have a duty to myself and my family. Do I have any obligation to this person who happens be my sister? What so scary about her is that she moved back east to be close to her neices and nephews, but Im pretty sure that she isn't allowed to see any of them.
2006-12-07 11:08:36 · update #1
More scary? She is a college professor. She actually is teaching your children!!
2006-12-07 11:10:00 · update #2
I mean thath I would like to be certain that if my daughter is visiting my parents, that she is not in town and sneaks in a visit. That's how much damage I think she is capable of.
2006-12-07 11:14:17 · update #3
Your first responsibility is to your daughter. (your husband can take care of himself)
If you feel uneasy about your daughter being around her for any reason, do not let it happen. The fact that she is your sister has no bearing.
2006-12-07 11:16:07 · answer #1 · answered by sawftandtender 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Calm yourself! Take a deep breathe and relax a bit first off. Ok, now that we've done that here's what you do. YOU HAVE NO OBLIGATION TO YOUR SISTER TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR FAMILY! She is NOT your responsibility, it is her way of controlling yet another person or thing like when she was drinking. Take a deep breathe, focus and here we go: 1) block her telephone number and make it VERY clear to your husband that she is not to call, step 2) relax when she does (pay phones and cell phones and such now days) it's ok, but no, she can not talk to your daughter and tell her frankly she can't talk to any of you. DO NOT EXPLAIN at first, she wont get it. She doesnt' deserve to be in your childs life if she treated you that way in the past, and certainly hasn't learned in the present.
As far as your child visiting your parents, explain to them you and your sister had a "falling out" it's none of thier business and until they can PROMISE on the BIBLE that they will not allow your daughter to talk nor see your sister, they need to come out to you and your daughter will NOT be going out to see them.
Other than that I'm sorry for all of the hardship, my husband and I had to do the same thing about his brother (Meth.) and tell his family the same thing when our kids came along... it's been hard, and tring at times but it's been ok, you will find that your child will become more important than your sister to your parents.... happened here anyway.
God Bless
2006-12-07 12:07:23 · answer #2 · answered by jillifly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-05 00:44:51 · answer #3 · answered by vishvanath 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relatives are by chance not choice. But when we become adults we can choose who we allow in our lives. If she is a dry drunk the bad behavior is so imprinted in her brain that it would take surgery to remove it. Also, she probably lost too many brain cells while drinking and is now mentally ill. Wanting to seduce your daughter is a big red flag. One of the beliefs of AA is not being judgmental towards others. Keep her out of your home and life or you will end up drinking again. Good luck.
2006-12-07 11:23:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations on your sobriety. Life can suck so learning to do it drug/drink free is a big deal!
Your daughter is just that -- If you have any - ANY - discomfort about having your sister around your child that is your decision to make an no one else's.
You should always trust your gut instinct.
Being in a 12 step program and having the amount of clean time in you do, you know what you need to do to maintain your sobriety, peace and equanimity. Do it and do not worry about your sister's attitude.
2006-12-07 11:18:23 · answer #5 · answered by kc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
congrats on your sobriety.
in truth,kindness and honesty tell her how you feel. also, maybe you could be with your daughter when she is visiting your parents. i guess you know drunks usually don't get born in sober families so maybe you should be with your child at your parent's anyway. you could then discuss things with your child and pass on what you think is right. just remember though your sister suffers from the same disease you do. and somewhere there is a hurt child who needs her sister. god bless.
2006-12-07 12:02:47 · answer #6 · answered by annilori 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It looks as though you may have to count her out again. If she is as bad as you say, she is very dysfunctional and you do not have to have a relationship with her. Regardless of the fact that she is your sister. If being around her causes you grief, leave her alone and go on with your life. She will either straighten out or she wont. Just pray she will one day figure it all out. Good luck and God bless****
2006-12-07 11:10:07 · answer #7 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I certainly wouldn't ask her out for a drink to discuss it. But you as a parent have to alienate yourself from her. It's all about the mental well being of your children.
Tell her she needs to work on her attitude and personality. Tell her you will love her as your sister forever but it has to befrom a distance for now.
2006-12-07 11:51:18 · answer #8 · answered by westfield47130 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Email her back and write that whoever told her that she was going to have a relationship with your child lied to her. You don't owe her anything.
2006-12-07 11:58:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
she sounds like a basket case--i would keep my family as far away from her as i could--if i was in your place...Good Luck!
2006-12-07 11:12:02 · answer #10 · answered by kelly r 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋