I don't feel an overprotective "instinct" like other mothers. Am I bad?

Question

I let me one year old take spills when she's out in the yard without tagging below her shadow helping her up everytime. She can walk and run well, and she's strong as a bull. I want her to help herself sometimes. People look at me like I am crazy though. When people tell me something my kids have done that is negative, I ask (my 6 year old) and if it has been so, I apologize for their behavior and make them do so as well.

My baby enjoys her little personal space. Sometimes, she wants to play with her stuff alone and will swat me away. I've been called bad because I didn't hover near regardless and force my company upon her. Granted, if anyone did something cruel to my kids, I'd be pissed, but it seems a lot of parents (esp. moms) are on the razors edge anticipating a row about most anything someone says contrary about their kids. This seems to be teaching confrontational behavior and weakens the kids own defenses, in my opinion.

Answer 1

I'm the same way you are except I've had people praise me for letting my 18mo son take spills without running to pick him up. I'm pretty easy going and raised my 9 year old daughter the same way. She is independent and strong yet loving and caring. i love that about her and hopefully my son will turn out the same. I believe kids need their space to test their limits. How can they know their potential if we don't allow them to find it. Just keep doing what your doing and try to ignore these people making comments. I always say: moms are our own worst enemy. So many moms are quick to criticize those that don't raise their kids the same they did theirs. Nothing we can do or say to those people to make them change their minds: so ignore it. Take Care and Good Luck.

Answer 2

I don't think there is an instinct to be overprotective. There is an intinct to protect but not to overprotect. I think you are doing a terrific job. You have to give your children space and allow them to take spills. How else will they learn? I'm right there with you. I knew a girl who hovered over her son all the time and whenever he'd fall down she'd baby him like crazy. Half the time he only cried for her benefit because if he fell while I was watching him he'd just get up and keep going. But if mom was there he'd carry on like it was the end of the world. She coddled him so badly and as he got older he was the biggest weenie and got picked on terribly by other kids. He acted much younger than he was because his mom babied him so terribly. She stunted him. That isn't a positive thing. Allowing them space and to take their spills is allowing them to be independant. That is a positive thing. You're there if they really need you but you aren't crowding them and not allowing them to become who they are. Good for you!

Answer 3

I agree. I have a soon to be 8 year old and I was never the shadowy, hovering over protective type. I think kids need their own space to develop themselves. Of course if he gets hurt and needs me I'm there. I love my son more than anything, but I watch other mothers even my own and wonder how these kids have space to breathe. You don't have to be everywhere all the time, you can't be. They need to get themselves up and dust themselves off sometimes too.

Answer 4

BINGO! As long as they know you're there if they ever REALLY need you, then let them fly on their own. We aren't always going to be RIGHT there with them - I want my children to be able to make good decisions based on what's wrong/right - not if I'm standing there watching.

I adore my children and I'm a very involved parent. But if they fall, even as an infant, I give them a little bit to see what happens. If they are hurt, I comfort them, of course, but 9 times out of 10 they shake it off. My mother still GASPS loudly and screams and starts running. It's annoying and it startles the kids and actually scares them more than the falling down did.

Answer 5

I know what you mean. But think of the long run we won't have 7 year olds crying about a stratch like overprotective mothers, our kids will get back up shrug it off and go play. I watch my baby carefully yes, but I don't hover, he gets hurt and that is all right, it teaches him.

Answer 6

I agree with you. Kids will be kids. How are they going to learn if they don't fall down every now and then? I let my kids take falls sometimes too. It is all part of growing up. You are not a bad parent. You do what is right for you child. Good luck.

Answer 7

As a former teacher, I thank you for not babying your little girl. With my 2 year old I am the same way. If he is doing something dangerous, I will warn him that he could get hurt and remove him from unsafe situations. If he is playing and he gets hurt, C'est la vie. Children need to be able to solve problems on their own. When they get older, it will be their ability to solve problems effectively, and the manner in which they deal with conflict that will determine how sucessful they end up in their own lives.

If parents continue to clean up every mess their kids get into, and don't give them the chance to learn things on their own, then they may become dependent and selfish adults. That goes for boys and girls alike.

Answer 8

Sounds like you are a wonderful mom. There's nothing wrong with your parenting. You don't have to hover over your children as long as they are safe and loved, you are doing a great job. Don't worry about what other people think, be confident in yourself and your parenting. Good luck and God bless!

Answer 9

You're very normal, keep it up. Your kid doesn't learn anything in life when you do everything for them.

It's sad, but I have friends with teenage kids who don't know how to do the simplest tasks : laundry, basic cooking, their own homework, or anything that takes any thought or initiative.

I worry about the adults they'll become.

Answer 10

I think your right on the money.

Those kids will never learn to do anything on their own. Watch. Those will be the kids in all kinds of trouble. And, will probably be living at home when they celebrate their 40th birthday.

Kids need independance!