How are women supposed to know whether or not a man loves them? My ex and me broke up because he was commitment phobic and couldn't decide how he felt or didn't fell for me. Now, he comes over every day again, he hugs me, kisses me, cuddles with me and we're closer than we ever were before. Last night he made a comment about how he's trying to get this job that would pay a lot more and he was thinking about settling down, even though he knew we'd broken up but his words " I know we broke up but you know we still do the same things just do a little more of our own thing now." anyways his point was he'd been thinking about maybe settling down, quitting all the partying and just being in a relationship agian. But I'm so confused because when we broke up we'd been engaged three months and he comes out with I'm not sure I love you that much any more, so what is he thinking now? I'm scared to ask because I'm afraid of what I might hear. I'll ask him but now i just want your opinion.
2006-12-07 10:42:06 · 16 answers · asked by curious_and_hopeful 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Ok... the whole "I'm not sure that I love you that much any more" basically gives it away... I hate to sound mean, but you weren't exactly what he was looking for in a potential mate, so he decided to look elsewhere. Instead of sticking to his guns to find the one person that he is really compatible with (which often takes years), he got lonely and impatient, and decided to go back to what is safe (you in this case). He is (in his mind) settling by sticking with you. If you are ok with it, then it's all fine and dandy, but be careful. He could be one of two types of people...1. He will commit to you and accept that he is willing to settle and be fine with it. or 2. He will pretend to commit to you and keep his eyes open in case he runs across someone more desirable, at which point he will leave. This is where your judgement in character comes in. Aren't relationships fun? Just don't be naive about the entire situation.
2006-12-07 11:04:10 · answer #1 · answered by Just Me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Question. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? My guess is that you two were intimate (having sex) and he kept thinking that the grass might be greener elsewhere. So, he broke it off with you, discovered that maybe perhaps things weren't quite the way they appeared and that maybe he'd made a mistake. Friends with benefits may be what he's thinking now. I could be wrong on this. But that's my hunch.
For you, I'm going to suggest that you put your feelings aside and just think with your head. Where do you see yourself five years from now? How do you plan on getting there from where you are currently? Is this guy even in that picture? Knowing what you know of him, is this someone with whom you'd like to start a family? Could you rely on him to always be faithful, loving and true? If you don't see these qualities in him -- other than some sort of fantasy, I'd have to say, you're wasting your time. There is no "Mr. Right " or Mr. Perfect," we all have our flaws and faults. But don't fool yourself for one moment with the idea that you can change this about him or that you can change that about him... Accept him as is or move on.
2006-12-07 10:58:40 · answer #2 · answered by Doc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok us guys are a confusing sort. We try to tell women that you are confusing. So here is what is really going on here. He doesn't have the commitment part with you. Sure he is saying that he wants to settle down and I am sure in some way he does however in the scenario that he is in right now he can also walk away at any point and time. If it gets too much he can run. I would take what you got with him now. You said it your self you both are closer now then where you were. Give him time to mature. To realize that being with you forever isn't such a bad thing. Stay cool and don't push him or the situation that much. If you do and you really like him he will jet trust me on this one. Good luck to ya
2006-12-07 10:49:14 · answer #3 · answered by goodster74 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd dump him asap. If he likes another girl and she him, WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? Real love doesn't play games or have wandering eyes, it's committed and hard work. You MUST see this as a red flag, a deal breaker, strike three. Your young, i'm guessing, you shouldn't even be considering a SERIOUS relationship that is going to cause you insecurity. Have fun, don't become overly invested in this, WHAT? you can't flirt? Move on, the writing is on the wall and it spells trouble. Do yourself a favor and cut the guy loose, if it is destined to be, it will run it's course and he'll be back. But why you would take him back only you can answer.
2016-05-23 04:46:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Curious_and _hopeful:
My advise to you would be this, invite him over for a cold tea or soft drink (no booze) and ask that he sit at the table with you, if that is where you are most comfortable, and ask that he put all of his marbles on the table with regard to your relationship and at the same time look him square in the eyes. Tell him to forget about the job and the money we all know that it is of little importance when two people are in love so don't be afraid to tell him that you are uncertain about your relationship and be prepared to tell him what you would settle for and nothing less. You both have had plenty of time to realize where you want to be by now. Try to remember that if his response is different than what you may be wanting to hear it is OK. It may be a time for both of you to turn a page in life and who knows, YOU may be the lead person in the next chapter.
Best wishes and Happy Holidays
2006-12-07 11:01:15 · answer #5 · answered by Fresh choice 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a relationship guru but I have to tell you that he has to make up his mind! Please don't allow him to let you be his "maiden-in-waiting" until he finally decides what he wants to do. As he said, "do a lillte bit more of our own thing now", feel free to have more options, meet more people and enjoy life more! Remember, life is too short specially to waste on someone who cannot guarantee a solid relation with you. That's how I got rid of the "confused" ex and found the most patient guy I've known. Good luck!
2006-12-07 10:51:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He can't make up his mind so don't waste your time with him.He probably still does feel for you,but you shouldn't just stand there while he's trying to decide if he loves you or not.I suggest you stay friends and watch him for a little while.If he acts like he really is ready for a commitment and he really loves you then go ahead and start over.Go on a first date again,and see how it goes.
2006-12-07 10:50:26 · answer #7 · answered by Angel Kitty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The thing is most guys aren't really affraid to commit...Its the fact that are affraid that there might be someone better. Unless he is 110% sure you are right for him. He will pull the commitment BS card... When the time is right its right!! so give it time.
2006-12-07 10:49:18 · answer #8 · answered by wedding5_26_07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has realized what he stands to lose. He had the typical guy cold feet, but then when you broke up...he was single again. And did not like it...it was not as cool as he thought it would be. So now he is ready to commit.
2006-12-07 10:45:50 · answer #9 · answered by null_the_living_darkness 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You girls tend to be interested in the guys who don't love you as much as you love them but you just like to pretend that they do love you just as much or will love you eventually. No wonder you are left guessing because you rarely give the guys who obviously do love you a chance.
2006-12-07 10:46:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋