I am separated with three young children, I have not friends at all and I often feel that life is pointless.?

Question

My ex-partner was abusive to me and my children and I lost contact with everyone that I knew and I am at a loss as to how to go about making new friends now at this stage in my life. I cannot go out alot and when I do, I feel that men are not interested in friendship and women think it's weird if you ask them would they like to meet up for a drink again or go see a movie or even swop phone numbers so I have no idea what to do. I'm unable to do a course at the moment because of a lack of babysitters and finances. Any thoughts?

I am heterosexual and am looking for friendship with either male or females. I'm 32 yrs old.

Answer 1

if you go to your local library with your children a lot then you will usually see the same mums about so just get chatting with them..also when you are in the parks..mother and toddler groups are also a great way for meeting other mums...There are also places like One Plus and Gingerbread where you will meet other people in the same position as you. There is also chat rooms on the internet for single parents for you to talk with who will sympathise with your problems because they will be in the same boat. Good luck.

Answer 2

I'm so sorry that you are in this situation. I know how it feels to be lonely and not have anyone to really connect with. I say why don't you go to the nearest "big" city (it you already don't live in one), and go out! Have some fun! Go to bars, clubs, resturaunts, anyplace where there are alot of people (single!!), and make some friends! Or I suggest, joining a club, many cities have clubs for single women and for certain age groups, that way you can meet people in a similar predicament. Also, you can take a class, maybe kick-boxing, dance, or painting. Anything to get you out of the house and around people! Taking a class would be a great way to meet new people with different views, and lifestyles!!

I wish you the best of luck!!!

Answer 3

Hello,

Thats a very lonely place to find yourself in and my heart goes out to you!!.

First of all, I'd say to you your not doing anything wrong. Making real friends is a difficult process in the present culture we now live in and so feeling alone, feeling isolated, feeling very down and lonely is not suprising to me at all, infact your experience is probably alot more common than you realise. (cold comfort I'm sure though).

**In order to solve your problems and to deal with your feelings you need an opportunity to step back from the daily situation, a chance to get away from the normal routines of everyday life, a safe place to reflect upon the immediate past, see the present & take the courage to look forwards. I dont mean an expensive long holiday but a break away it could even be in the UK even just a long weekend could help alot.

**Men are very interested in friendship with woman, you just havent come into contact with the right kind of people (men).

**If your quite needy at the moment sometimes people sense that & woman can be especially good at picking that up non verbally too (womans intuition if you like). Being very needy is very difficult because it can tend to put others off further social contact.

**Forming & finding friends needs ideally to be done, when your feeling better about yourself, when your NOT as emotionally needy ( I know that sounds strange, it sounds like a catch22). The more you can resolve other aspects in your life, such as help with child care, housing, money,etc,etc The better you will feel about yourself and your circumstances and the better you feel about yourself the easier the friendship will come and the more likely it is to come your way.

**Right now it probably feels like a massive mountain to climb, but you know the best way to climb a mountain is one step at a time and without looking up to much.

**The trueth in my opinion is, Life has no meaning beyond that which we give it, or find in it. The meaning to life for alot of people is their children or family.

**In my opinion the wisest thing I've ever heard spoken in my life was "mean only becomes clear in retrospect!! i.e. after events have taken place.

**You may feel alone but your NOT alone in reality, only you can decide how to reach out to others. If you take the courage to reach out and allow yourself to be vulnerable I think you will be very suprised how much others will come to support you, to help you in ways its hard to imagine right now.

With warm regards to you, take care!

IR

Answer 4

I can desperately relate to you - I became a single mum when my ex-husband walked out on my son and I.
I find being involved in something really useful. If you are not working why not try doing some voluteering. There are also courses during the day time.
If you look on the net there is Gingerbread and teh Single Parent Network who can offer support groups.
I am glad that you are out of that horrible situation - think positive and remember that you have lots of offer the world.

Answer 5

how about finding a support group? you can make decent friendships in those because there's a common experience. Outside of that why not try and reconnect with some of the friends you lost as a result of being with the abuser?

Answer 6

Why dont you look for local support groups? maybe move closer to your family so they can babysit the children while you do something you enjoy one evening a week? why not put your children in nursery a couple of days a week and take an art class?

Answer 7

hey there... first of all... bummer!.. second of all... life is pointless itself... but the things you can do during it make it worth while... like your children... when you look at them you still think its all pointless? any time you wanna chat feel free to get in touch with me, i got a girl friend and a daughter (not to this girl) and am moving to poland in 2 weeks so dont worry i aint gonna come to stalk you lol... the offers there if you wanna accept, just for someone to talk to

Answer 8

it can be lonely out there I myself was a single parent with three kids .First I started meeting wonderful women friends a my childrens school and at the park.You dont have to have money to go to a book store when they have their story time for young kids either thats a nice place to meet friends as well.

Answer 9

I dont know if your religious, but Church is a great starting place. You might even meet a guy and there's plenty of activities for the kids. You might think god is the reason your where you are now and in my opinion ,your right. Go to church ,let him finish with his plans for you. Good Luck.

Answer 10

I really feel for you and your situation.I'm guessing that your children are at school?what about talking to the other mums and dads at the school,and getting involved with school functions etc?you may end up chatting to someone who you have never really spoken to and find that you have a things in common.I have swapped numbers with other women before,(mothers mainly) and met up for play dates with their child and mine.You can mail me if you like [e-mail]