I'm ready to laugh at myself right now.
2006-12-07 09:21:17 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Oh...these are great! Thanks all.
2006-12-07 09:30:56 · update #1
A classic witticism:
"Someone with no invisible means of support"
Another:
"Thank God I'm an atheist!"
2006-12-07 09:28:21 · answer #1 · answered by Palmerpath 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Oh its a different twist on Danielle’s with a punch line in the middle too.
An atheist is walking through the forest when all of the sudden he sees Bigfoot coming at him. "PLEASE HELP ME JESUS"
suddenly time stops and a bright light appears above him. Jesus floats down and says "I thought you didn't believe in me?"
"Yeah? Well I didn't believe in Bigfoot either ten seconds ago!"
"Well I don't think it would would be fair to let you just become a christian so easily when you have forsaken me so long"
"Well how about making Bigfoot a christian then?"
Jesus thinks a second and says "OK, done." before floating up.
Time starts back up and Bigfoot comes to a halt in front of the man and kneels down in prayer.
"Dear lord, please bless this food ....
OK this one is favorable but I like it
A doctor told his patient: "I've got some good news and some bad news.
The bad news is that you have an inoperable brain tumor. The good
news is our hospital has just been certified to do brain transplants and there
has been an accident right out front. It seems an atheist had a head on collision with a Southern Baptist Preacher and they both died, so you
can have whichever brain you'd like. The preacher's brain costs $100,000.00
and the atheist's brain costs about $15,000.00."
The patient could not help but ask: "Why such a large difference
between the two?"
The doctor replied: "The atheist's brain is used."
2006-12-07 09:31:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
Yeah, this is about as hilarious because it must be if someone you've been on the point of receives murdered and some moron requested you in case you've been conscious of any good jokes about it. nonetheless, i must be troublesome-pressed to assert you're as stupid because the entire Canton police branch for having a criminal pose as a cop.
2016-11-30 06:57:43 · answer #3 · answered by schebel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh ok i was gonna say damn dude why start an argument when it's not necessary but i see that you're an atheist and like to laugh at yourself lmmfao which is cool by the way sometimes you have to laugh things off
2006-12-07 09:23:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
(1)
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the "accident of evolution" had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path.
He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing. He ran even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster.
He tripped and fell to the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear, right on top of him: reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the atheist cried out "Oh my God!...."
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
Even the river stopped moving.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky: "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don't exist; and, even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light: "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?"
"Very well," the voice said.
The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the bear dropped its right paw ........ brought both paws together .... bowed its head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."
(2)
I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up ... they have no holidays. (- Henny Youngman)
2006-12-07 09:27:15 · answer #5 · answered by Sweetchild Danielle 7 · 7⤊ 1⤋
What do you get when you cross an Australopithicus with a wizard? The missing link to an old friend.
2006-12-11 07:18:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the orangutan was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species.
Surprised, he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books?"
"Well," said the orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
A woman was at the beach with her children when her four-year-old son ran up to her, grabbed her hand, and led her to the shore, where a sea gull lay dead in the sand.
"Mommy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to heaven," the mother replied.
Her son thought a moment and then said, "And God threw him back down?"
2006-12-07 09:27:16 · answer #7 · answered by St. Mike 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
http://www.jesusandmo.net/
That's a visual one... have to visit the link.
Beware muslims! There's a cartoon depiction of Mohammed, peace be upon his drawing!
2006-12-07 09:49:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What do you call an atheist at a funeral?
All dressed up with no where to go.
(I'm an atheist, too, by the way)
2006-12-07 09:23:55 · answer #9 · answered by Chris R 2 · 7⤊ 2⤋
An atheist approaches St. Peter, and St. Peter says, "Im sorry we don't believe in you."
2006-12-07 09:24:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋