I have been friends with this guy for almost 3 years and we have been dating for the past 10 months. We ended up breaking up a week ago because I told him that I loved him and he could not tell me how he felt about me. He just said that he doesn't know what he's feeling. He has never been in a serious relationship before me and neither have I...He would tell me all the time that he wanted to marry me and have kids with me when he graduates from college in about a year. He even took me hunting several times with him, which is his ULTIMATE passion. Right now he is barely passin his classes and has finals coming up and is completely stressed out right now. He just told me that he didn't have time for me. Do you think he really loves me and is just afraid of his feelings??? Is he thinking about me and missing me?? What should I do, just lay low and see what happens?
2006-12-07 08:32:29 · 21 answers · asked by missinghim 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You can't force anyone to feel a certain way, nor can you make them acknowledge a feeling. My sugesstion is to just give him space for a little while and be a friend when he needs suport. He sounds really overloaded, and if you really do love him the best thing for you to do is to be kind and understanding.
2006-12-07 08:36:01 · answer #1 · answered by §чﺀﺀчβчﻯ†a 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is so hard since you guys were friends for so long. Not knowing the individuals involved personally, it's hard to give advice that applies to your situation, but here are my thoughts...for what they're worth...
The holidays are here again - yay, he's is in college, barely passing, has finals coming up and his girlfriend just told him she loves him. That's got to be freaking him out a bit. He's under so much stress already. While the ideal response to "I love you" is definitely not "I need space," it doesn't mean he doesn't love you too. It may be that he's never acknowledged the feelings even to himself. So you may have thrown him off guard in a major way and he responded by pushing you away.
It may also be that he does not love you in the way that you want. Your feelings may be stronger than his for you. That sucks, I know, but you need to face the possibility at least so that you do not end up crushed if this does not work out between the two of you.
I'd say if you guys were friends for 3 years, there's got to be a certain level of communication you are comfortable with in regards to him and how he thinks. What does your gut tell you? Not your heart...your instinct. Does he love you? Or not?
I think you should give him a few days or another week even to think about you, your friendship, your relationship as his girlfriend and what you said. Then approach him casually so he doesn't feel like it's a showdown of some kind. Ask him how he feels - don't ask him if he loves you too...ask him how he is feeling. About school, finals, holidays, you, what you said, whatever... but don't make it all about him saying those pesky three words back to you.
I hope that things work out for you the way you'd like...I can tell there is pain and confusion in your question. Best wishes.
2006-12-07 16:44:28 · answer #2 · answered by Grá 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are right on with what you think. I think since he's never had a serious relationship, that he's never heard "I love you" from someone so special. It scares him. I also think that, mixed with stress about finals just pushed him over the top. Plus it's around Christmas and he may be stressin about that as well. I would drop the subject for a while. give him a few weeks. then after the new years (when ya'll are on break from school)... talk to him about it again. Just tell him you didn't mean to scare him off or anything. that you just can't hold those kinds of feelings inside when you care for someone so much. I know he loves you too... being best friends then going out? and still lasting... it's pretty clear that he maybe just doesn't want something so perfect to mess up over a pre-mature "i love you"... these things always scare guys...
2006-12-07 16:39:10 · answer #3 · answered by Lizzy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say but I would say that this young man may be moving on. It is not that he doesnt like you or love you but he is ready to move on. I am guessing that alot of what he told you about marriage and kids were his ideas prior to dating you when you were friends. He may have always likes you and saw marrying you and thinking it would be awesome. So his emotions and feelings he has stated werent lies just not current truths. He may have realized a while ago that things werent as great as he envisioned but didnt want to hurt you or lose you as a friend to break it off. So when you said you loved him he realized you are going to get hurt no matter what so he is now trying to minimize the pain to you by limiting time and energy towards you so you break things off with him. So dont hang low, put on the presure and if he really wants out then make him man up and do it, If my theroy is wrong then eventually he will open up more and be more clear as he will want to make sure you understand his postion so he can have his space to handle his business but also not lose you.
2006-12-07 16:45:57 · answer #4 · answered by The Fisch 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well don't exactly lay down and wait....but you're on the right thinking path. Sounds like he has alot of going on right now and maybe he needs you to be his friend more than his girlfriend.
But I beieve your gutt is telling you something...the truth is...when you truely love someone....you want that person by your side especially through stressfull times. If he truely loved you in the way he should....he would'nt push you away and risk losing you to another man.
He might of come to a conclusion that he rather have you as a friend and cares about you....but does'nt know how to tell you because he does'nt want to lose you as a friend. he probably wishes things were back to the way you guys were as friends.
2006-12-07 16:41:40 · answer #5 · answered by Pinkie_&_the_Brain 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he is trying to play it safe. When you guys were just friends he felt like he had a girlfriend with out the comment. So he was comfortable saying things like that. Now that you are together he sounds scared to comment. I would keeps busy and and show him you have a life of your own. If he really wants a long lasting relationship he will come around.
2006-12-07 16:41:53 · answer #6 · answered by Nikki 6 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be that he is afraid of his feelings. Just don't be pushy and don't beg. Remember that old saying, "if you love something(in this case someone) let them go, if it comes back it is meant to be" I think that is how it goes but I may be wrong. On another note, maybe you should give him a surprise visit sometime just to see what he is up to if you know what I mean.
2006-12-07 16:36:54 · answer #7 · answered by asouthwell28 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a big fan of letting life happen to me. If he's having trouble with school, maybe you could think of something you can do to show interest while also supporting his need to work on school.
Maybe you could call and offer to bring dinner over so he can have a good meal before getting back to the books. Let him know you still want to spend time with him and that you can be supportive.
2006-12-07 16:35:25 · answer #8 · answered by jplrvflyer 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would just let him know your there for him, and that you care alot about him but respect him and give him some time. Maybe even offer to help him with his studies? I wouldnt pressure him though, could be that things moved to fast for him and he got scared or he let the relationship interfere with his studies and hes worried about failing. good luck
2006-12-07 16:44:29 · answer #9 · answered by hopefloats 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, nice girlfriend you are...! He has all those pressures at school and then you come and bash him on the head trying to force him to tell you that he loves you. And when he doesn't you add more pressure by breaking up with him.
PLEASE! If I were there I would slap you myself.
BACK OFF!!!
2006-12-07 16:37:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋