Why do women...?

Question

stay with men that abuse them. I'm talking about all kinds of abuse: physical, mental, emotional.

I have several friends that are in in abusive relationships. They are attractive and fun, yet they stay with these stupid ankle-biting guys. Is it a sickness? Are they just stupid?

They don't have any real ties, like marriage or children. I have been telling them to break up with their boyfriends, but they always have some lame excuse why they can't. I have listened for hour upon hour to incessant bitching, yet they don't actually do anything about it. I'm starting to get annoyed...

At what point can I tell my friends that staying in an abusive relationship is like asking for it to occur. At some point, its the woman's fault for not leaving. It sounds mean for me to say that...no one actually "deserves" to be abused...any kind of abuse. This is just insane...

Any advice...what can I do about it? How can I make some one see what they are unable to see?

Here is what I'm reading:
1) There is nothing I can do
2) Let them be crazy...
3) It's OK if they are abused if they are in love...
4) I'm a dirty hobbit
5) Abusing women is OK
6) I will never understand
7) Listening will help, even if it drives me crazy
8) That's just the way life is...
9) Nice guys are boring
10) Bette Midler is super-gross sings off-key in concert...

Nice...Thanks!!

Answer 1

XXX, Let me explain something to you. I was once in a horrible abusive relationship. I did not stay because I liked it or because I was a moron. My ex told me he would kill me and my kids if I left him and I knew he was telling the truth. My parents are dead and I had nowhere to go and no one to help me out. When I finally did sneak out of there and run away one night when he was asleep, he stalked me. He almost beat me to death when he caught me too. You should not be so judgemental and quick to form an opinion about circumstances you have not been in and dont really know that much about.
I hope those women you are talking about to leave and are safe and happy afterward, but maybe they are having to wait until the timing is right.

Answer 2

I have found that when a women or man stays in an abusive relationship they feel they are not able to be loved by anyone else. Usually its not only physical abuse, but its emotional abuse, where they are told they are useless, nobody will love them, or they can't do anything right. They usually stay in this because after so long of them hearing this they start believing the stuff, and don't think that any other man or women would want them. Its hard to see, but I have had friends and family go through this stuff,and they always come back with I love them, and they really do love me, and nobody else wants me. You need to get them help, even if its getting away from that person that is being abusive and show them that other people love them, and they aren't useless to the society. Its hard to make them see what is wrong with what's going on till they watch someone else go through it, and get some help for it. The best way also is try getting counseling for them, that might help them a lot to.....And if you see it, just call the cops and send the darn person that is doing it to jail for a good long time.

Answer 3

You can tell them that things will not change for the better . Sometimes women are almost willing to endure anything for the sake of what they think is love.It took me my whole life to realize that there are many different kinds of abuse, usually the abuser will try to make the one being abused feel that it is all their fault and that if they were more perfect the problem would not exist.NO the women are not stupid fools. However we think that somehow we can make every thing work out right. I am 59 and still believe that there are some good men in the world somewhere. Single and since i will never allow myself to have another relationship with a man I do however miss this and look forward to the time when i will die to leave this lonely messed up world. TELL THESE WOMEN TO WAKE UP NOW OR END UP LIKE ME.ALSO THEY NEED TO LEARN TO LOOK FOR THE RIGHT KIND OF MAN AND NOT TO KEEP ON REPEATING THE SAME MISTAKES

Answer 4

Some women get involved in relationships with guys (or girls) who they think will protect them. They think, at first, that the jealousy is "cute" and that the person really cares for them. But inevitably, the tables turn, and the aggression turns to them. Once the abuse starts, its hard to leave.... there's often threats of violence to the woman, her family, or sometimes the abuser threatens to harm or kill themselves and she stays because she doesn't want anything to happen to them. Abuse is a cycle, and it rarely ends well, if it ends well at all. Best thing you can do is tell them if they want out, you will help them find a way - maybe counseling. But beware, do NOT get too involved. Don't offer them a place to stay, or money, etc. You'll end up more involved than you could ever imagine. They have WANT to get out. I've been on both sides of this issue - the shoulder to cry on and the crier. I wanted out, and I got out. Hopefully one day they'll do the same.

Answer 5

Unfortunately most women grow up with absent or uninvolved fathers which leads to picking the bad boys. They are drawn to men that treat them badly. They say its a way of trying to fix the broken relationship they had with their fathers. There is really noting you can do except keep telling them to leave and be there for them when they need support. Sooner or later when they have been beat down enough they will realize that nothing is going to change and that the guy actually does not love them. Right now they cant see that. I understand what you mean by they deserve it if they stay but you really have to be in it to understand. Its the hope that the man will get better.

Answer 6

There is no cut and dried answer to this question, however, Women do not leave for a majority of reasons. Fear for themselves, and their other family members. Many abusers convince their companions that they will find them and make it worse or find their family and terrorize them, and often times they do just that.
Another reason is low self esteam, you can only be told you are no good and do not deserve better so many times before you begin to believe it.
3rd reason, financial stability and security. Some people will give up anything to be financially stable or if they feel other needs are being met.
4th. Dependant -codependant relationships.
5th. Women are nurturers and want to believe that they can change people for the better. They also seariously want to believe it will never happen again.
These are just a few of the many reasons. One thing is for sure, until someone is ready to help themselves, you can not do or say anything that will help them. You can only be there to help put the pieces back together once they are down and broken.

Answer 7

they may not be able to see the line there is between love and being totally and completely blind. maybe they actually like that stuff or feel like they would never be able to find anyone better. instead of talking about the situation do something small for them on just about a daily basis to boost up their confidence. most women that stay in abusive relationships have low confidence. send them encouraging txt messages, give cards, go shopping and tell them how much better they would look in an outfit that someone else has on. if their confidence is built up, then they will be able to get to the point where they will say that they are better and deserve better and kick is triffling @ss to the curb.

Answer 8

I have seen this happen to a close relative. He was seeing this girl for a few months who had just gotten out of an abusive relationship. She had also been abused through High School at home. My relative treated this girl like gold. She even told me he was the nicest person she had ever had contact with.

She broke up with the good guy to go back to the abusive one. To her, the abuse was what home was supposed to feel like.

The moral of the story is abused people find abusers later on in life. They become conditioned to it and, strangely enough, the abuse becomes comforting.

Answer 9

Hello xxx,

Some women ARE in fact, crazy. How's that for the quick and simple answer. Some girls think that they can fix their boyfriends, where they couldn't do it with their own Fathers. But, you sound crazy too, xxx. Aren't you allowing yourself to be abused by these girls because you consider yourself their friend.

You're constantly listening to there bitching, griping and complaining about men, when you are the perfect example of the nice guy not getting any attention at all. You've given them your opinions and suggestions. It's really up to them to follow your advice or not after that. If they continue to complain and gripe, then maybe you need to separate yourself from this relationship that you have with them.

Maybe you think that you are some kind of white knight. You're trying to come to these girl's rescue, but these damsels simply don't need rescuing. They're quite happy with their situation, and enjoy being able to compete with their girlfriends who has the worst relationship The problem is that they're keeping you around as a pet.

You need to break away from them and find a decent relationship of your own, xxx. Get out and find some girls who appreciate you as a girl is supposed to for a guy. About every other day, I read the same questions from guys like you. A lot of guys are experiencing what you are going through, believe it or not. It is getting so common that I've simply typed up and saved a common response and have it on file to keep me from retyping the same thing over and over again.

Also, I always tell guys who have questions about women that you need to check out the Tom Leykis radio talk show to learn more about what to do. You need to learn the rules of Leykis-101 to learn how to do better with women. Find out if this show is broadcast in your area. Here's his web site:

http://www.blowmeuptom.com

I hope that this helps.

--Rick

Answer 10

The relationship is a "habit" which bad ones are even more difficult to break. Some, it is all they know, are "comfortable" in the relationship though it is abusive in one or many ways. some think or feel they are unworthy of anything better or too lazy, etc to even try. Nothing you can do but be a friend to listen to their woes. They have the final choice on their life's decisions.