ok...I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We haved lived together for 2 of them. and I have 2 children of my own. Whenever we first got together I told him that I didn't want to just live together for ever. That if I moved in it would be a step forward to getting married. We used to even talk about it and how we would like our wedding to be. Now if I even mention getting married he says it isn't the right time. But yet he doesn't want me to move out. I don't know what to think...am I being to pushy? I just get tired of calling him my boyfriend when in my world he is so much more than that. Is this an episode of why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? or am I just jumping the gun?
2006-12-07 08:14:24 · 11 answers · asked by special_9623 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Have you asked him why it isn't the right time? If you haven't, you need to do that. You may find that there is something about marriage that is scaring him away from it. Many people feel that once two people get married, the relationship will deteriorate. Once you have a real heart to heart with him, you will have a better understanding of what is holding him back and be more informed to make the right decision on your own. I sympathize with your position. The question you have to ask is, if it is more important to have a relationship with him, or more important to call him your husband. If you really love him you will be patient and help him work through his fears, once you find out what they are. This will also help him see that you are concerned about making sure he is happy more than you are concerned about getting things your way.
From the impression I get from just reading your question, he isn't getting the milk for free. I assume there is mutual financial support going on in your relationship. If he wanted the milk for free, he would want you to move out so he didn't carry any of the responsibilities. I especially feel this is the case when you mention you brought two of your own children into this relationship. He is investing in you and your children. Men don't move in with a woman and her children unless 1) They love them, 2) They are freeloading and put up with the children for free room and board. If he isn't #2, then he cares about your relationship.
I wish there was a definite answer for you, but in reality you are the only one who can ultimately make an informed decision about which side of the fence you need to jump to.
Best wishes in your difficult decision.
2006-12-07 08:41:46 · answer #1 · answered by Nuts 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your boyfriend was all talk at the beginning and now that it's time to man up he really wasn't living in the same reality that you were. I say move out or have him move out and if the relationship is meant to be it will still be. Just don't sit around and wait because you could be waiting for years.
2006-12-07 16:18:42 · answer #2 · answered by princesaava 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that he wants the best of both worlds you playing wife and him being single I would do what you think is best and I dont think living with a man with your 2 children IF you desire marriage is what you should be doing. Make him move out if you dont want to go but do something.
2006-12-07 16:17:41 · answer #3 · answered by quamie21 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
LOL i am in the same boat. But i am guy with a girl that wont commit. How strange. Lived together for 2 years and she wants to wait... But i think of her as my wife and she has 2 kids. If you figure it out let me know.
2006-12-07 16:22:45 · answer #4 · answered by remailer000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm.. Three years.Living together for two..
Something's up. Especially since you've talked about it in the past, and he seemed receptive to it. AND he knew ahead of time that you considered moving in together to be part of moving toward marriage.
I would issue an ultimatum. Don't mean mean or bitchy about it.. Just factual. See what he says. However, be prepared for it to go one way or the other.
2006-12-07 16:18:02 · answer #5 · answered by AnswerMom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is scary for a lot of people, not just guys. Maybe he feels like he has to accomplish more for himself before he wants to totally settle down. Perhaps he feels like if he gets married, we won't be able to do all of the things he wants to do in life. Some people think that marriage is the end of a fun, inriching, interesting life...when in fact it's beginning of a whole new, better, way more totally exciting life!!!! Explain to him that marriage is beautiful, special, and amazing...just like he is....and that you want to share the rest of your life with him.
2006-12-07 16:22:47 · answer #6 · answered by kerry m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are happy with everything in your relationship other then this then stay and talk to him. You shouldn't let a piece of paper come between you. If your not truly happy then you need to think about leaving him because it doesn't seem like he wants to tie the not anytime soon.
2006-12-07 16:26:29 · answer #7 · answered by WENDY G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you don't stand up now, he is never going to marry you. why should he? You are giving him everything he wants, and yet he is still free to walk away at any time. Dump him now!
2006-12-07 16:17:38 · answer #8 · answered by landime9 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WHy rush, get to know the guy before you jump into a life long commitment...I wish I would have...
2006-12-07 16:20:49 · answer #9 · answered by kcarter0429 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have never moved in with him b4 marriage. Now you see his real motive so dump his ***.. you aren't gonna get what u want.
2006-12-07 16:25:38 · answer #10 · answered by Amelia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋