I dont treat my bofriend as i should!?

Question

I have a great bf who treats me brilliantly and is great with my 7 year old aughter from a previous relationship. The thing is i am always snapping at him and get angry at the slightest thing. Sometimes i realise that i do it just to get some attention, like a child. I really want to stop because i love him loads. We have been together for 2 and a half years.

Answer 1

Wow you sound like a pretty good chick I wish my wife could recognise when shes snappy at me , well you seem to have insight into yourself which is great cause it is only when we see how others see us we can then fix the problem. Just be honest with him and tell him you want to improve and if you get snappy for no reason have him remind you and stop it before you get upset at eachother.Just work on it things cant change overnight but working together and him being understanding you can do it, Good luck 2 you.

Answer 2

Wll done you for identifying that you have a problem - firstly you never said if your relationship with the father of your daughter was a rocky one as sometimes this can lead to an under-lying problem, this coming out with the attention seeking as you have mentioned. Do you get to spend quality time together when your daughter is in bed or away? You will need time to adjust to making things right with yourself so please dont expect this to happen straight away. Treat your boyfriend to a sumptuous night - ask your parents or a close friend to have your daughter for a night and make a meal with candles and music, have a dvd and a couple of glasses of wine, take a romantic bath together with candles etc; and then lastly enjoy each other sexually for the night - you make all the effort and make him feel like a King for a night - and if he asks why you are doing this - tell him that sometimes you need to spoil him - you really have a great guy there by the sounds of things - take each day as it comes and if you feel like you are going to snap - try and identify what is making you do it and try to find an answer to help reduce the times that it happens - I wish you all Luck!!

Answer 3

Maybe get some counciling to help you find out why you do what you do .Chances are you can find ways of dealing with the feeling your having before you lash out at him .When things bother us unfortunaly we lash out at the ones we care about most .We are most comfortable with them and the chances of them putting up with us is far better than anyone else that would tell us where to go. Maybe if you can just stop right when you feel that negativity welling up just before it reaches your lips .Just stop and think it only takes a second much less time it takes to actuall say that hurtful thing you are about to .When you do this you are tearing the 2 year union you and he have bulit together brick by brick and someday he will grow tired of it all and leave you in the rubble of what you single handedly destroyed .You know you don't want that .you are strong enough to change this and you know you are the only one that can .Besides do you really want your daughter growing up seeing you do this ? she's listening and watching even when you think she is'nt hun .I'm sure you would never want her to become someone elses victim of verbal abuse or have her victimize anyone else that way knowing you were her teacher .You have it in you to change. Good luck

Answer 4

I am only guessing here but I too have a girlfriend right now that is great but find that my actions dont show how much I apricate her. My guess is that you may have man issues. Not specific to him but in general. You may see men as lessers or wrongdoers and are simply letting him know that by snapping at him. The other options is , super great guy but not super great looking. We as people are shallow by nature and maybe you slip sometimes and lash out.

Answer 5

well you made the first step, by admitting you have a problem. Now you need to talk to him about it, explain you don't always realise apologise and ask him to pull you up, maybe not verbally but maybe you could agree a sign that gets you the message, remember he has feelings too.

I sufferd from a previous relationship and my bloke is great-I have a key ring that has two sheep on it, one side sunny one side rainy if i'm being bad he turns the sheep over and I can apologise and pull my sox up. That way neither of us feels bad for long.

Good luck

Answer 6

Are you on birth control pills or something? Sounds like your hormones could be wacked out. Some kind of regular stress relief, relaxation exercises, might help you keep your perspective too you know we always hurt the ones we love ... kinda like you can't take it out on anyone else but you trust him to stay so you let him have it. You need to find alternatives for releasing steam like working out, massages, therapy might not be a bad idea either.

It's abusive by the way, it's called verbal abuse. Better get a handle on it now.

Answer 7

At least you admited to your self that the way you treat your bf is pretty mest you. Talk to him and let him know that your trying to improve so as that he too could help. If yo ukeep snapping at him, there is the chance that he'll get fed up and leave.

Answer 8

You have not said what it is that he dose or if you are under any pressure or such like
but you have said you know you are doing it but cant help it
Well that sound more like a compulsive disorder or at the very least you are stressed in some way and like millions of other people you take it out on an easy target that being the one closest to you but as i said your not alone on that point
It doesn't mean your mad or any thing like that it is a chemical imbalance in your brain millions suffer from it every year and stress is a real illness just like any other medical problem
Having said that you can not allow it to continue as you are most likely to lose the one that most cares and can help you
Saying sorry to him will not be enough and the situation will get worse as he starts to react negative to your outbursts
You must get professional help start by seeing your doctor he will then advise you on the best course of action
talk to your partner and outline what it is he is doing wrong if any thing and explain clearly you are not doing it on purpose and tell him you need help and support at least that way he will not feel like he in the wrong all the time
Identifying unrelieved stress and being aware of its effect on our lives is not sufficient for reducing its harmful effects. Just as there are many sources of stress, there are many possibilities for its management. However, all require work toward change: changing the source of stress and/or changing your reaction to it.
Notice your distress. Don't ignore it. Don't gloss over your problems.
Determine what events distress you. What are you telling yourself about meaning of these events?
Determine how your body responds to the stress. Do you become nervous or physically upset? If so, in what specific ways?
Can you change your stressors by avoiding or eliminating them completely?
Can you reduce their intensity (manage them over a period of time instead of on a daily or weekly basis)?
Can you shorten your exposure to stress (take a break, leave the physical premises)?
Can you devote the time and energy necessary to making a change (goal setting, time management techniques, and delayed gratification strategies may be helpful here)?
The stress reaction is triggered by your perception of danger...physical danger and/or emotional danger. Are you viewing your stressors in exaggerated terms and/or taking a difficult situation and making it a disaster?
Are you expecting to please everyone?
Are you overreacting and viewing things as absolutely critical and urgent? Do you feel you must always prevail in every situation?
Work at adopting more moderate views; try to see the stress as something you can cope with rather than something that overpowers you.
Try to temper your excess emotions. Put the situation in perspective. Do not labor on the negative aspects and the "what if's."
Learn to moderate your physical reactions to stress.
Slow, deep breathing will bring your heart rate and respiration back to normal.
Relaxation techniques can reduce muscle tension. Electronic biofeedback can help you gain voluntary control over such things as muscle tension, heart rate, and blood pressure.
Medications, when prescribed by a physician, can help in the short term in moderating your physical reactions. However, they alone are not the answer. Learning to moderate these reactions on your own is a preferable long-term solution so get help

Answer 9

Work on yourself everyday.. Have goals to be more Positive instead of so negative... put up sticky notes to help remind yourself... I see myself doing to same thing, and my hubby is so sweet.... so i see that in myself and back off.. and try to be extra sweet and show him the way i really feel about him to make it up. Its an ongoing proces.. but you can def do it without paying some counselor to help you... just a litle hard work.

Answer 10

Then look in the Yellow Pages and see if you can find someone who will help you with Anger Management !!!

You will probably lose this "boyfriend" if you continue on your venture, because he will eventually get tired of your tirades!

Go to Church, and get a new life! Find the LORD, and HE will help you with all... What ever you do, turn your life around or be prepared to have your little girl dissapointed in his leaving you...

I wish you well..

Jesse