my fault or his?

Question

I'm currently involved in a long distance relationship, I'm in Florida and he is Texas. We met through the internet and met back in August, we seen eachother again October. Everything is wonderful when we are together. Unfortunately he lost his job at the end of August right before we were about to meet, he never had any financial issues. So due to the holidays it has become rather difficult to find the job he wants. He had to move back in with his mom until he gets back on his feet. He has always been self confident, always looked out after himself, so he probably feels embarrased about his situation. He says sometimes I do not understand him and that sometimes he wants to be left alone. He just said this today, prior to that I had to guess what was going on with him , or what was he thinking about. He does not want my help either, because he is too proud. I do not know how to help him or show him that I care for him and I am here for him. I feel like he is pushing me out.Any thoughts

Answer 1

He's not ready for a commitment. He's too proud to talk about his feelings or to let you help. I say give hime up.

Answer 2

You have only been dating this person for a few months and you aren't even really dating since you never see each other. Long distance relationships are hard enough as it is, but mix in financial issues, not knowing each other as well as you could and lack of communication and you've got a mess. He doesn't tell you what's going on - you have to guess. He's pushing you away even though the two of you just met. And he's said he wants to be left alone. Leave him alone.

If that is what he truly wants, it's better that you find out now rather than later. If it's just his pride talking, he'll let you know that eventually if you really do as he asks and leave him alone. Just give it time - this is too new and too much distance is between you...literally. Be there to support him if he needs it (not financially - you DO NOT know this guy) - be a friend the best you can and as much as he will allow. Then see what happens. It can also be very difficult for someone who is unemployed. Their pride takes a hit, depression can sink in...it's the holidays, he's broke, he's unemployed and the girl he may or may not be dating lives four states away - that's enough to cause problems for anyone.

So I know this is confusing in that my answer is all about be careful, be careful, be careful and then gives you a bunch of reasons to stick with it...they're just some things to think about since, obviously I don't know the specifics of your situation.

Best wishes - I hope it works out the way you want it to...

Answer 3

I think it's part both of your fault. Long distance relationships sometimes take more work than when you see the person every day. Find little ways to show him that you care, things that don't require him to return the feelings right away. Call him when he's not home, and leave a message saying that you love him. I don't have a huge amount of experience in the relationship department, but anything that will make him see that you love him and are there for him will be good. Give him some time, guys often feel like they can't depend on other people if they are a "real man".

Answer 4

Hey
There is really nothing you can do but stick by him. That is if you really love him. He will say things that might push you to the edge but if your brave you would stay. Men with pride is a good thing in some cases. If he is acting how you say he is then I bet he will find a job. Men with pride never give up. But you should tell him how you feel when he makes remarks that dont agree with you. You are still a woman you know.

Answer 5

well hon i was in the same situtation a few montths ago. all you need to do is to stay by him and keep trying to help him. don't give up and don't tlet him push you away. give him some space though. don't smother him b/c that will push him away. proud men are hard to deal with but it's foolish to think that a proud man won't evenually allow you in. when he wants to be left alone go for a few mins, ask him if there is anything he needs from the store or something. send him little note just asking how he is and try not to pry into personal business. he will evenually crack but don't ever give up on him b/c it shows him that you don't care or don;t care about him. try to grin and bear his issues. but don't let him walk all over you. take care and i hope i helped.

Answer 6

When he wants help, He will ask you. Just say its no big deal. My brother is over the hill and he still living with mom and he has a job and when he did have a job he was still with us.He dont pay rent or share utility bills. Only thing he does is buy the cat food and clean the litter box. In other cultures its perfectly normal to live with your parents till u get married, so i dont see why people make such a big deal out of it unless your just sponging off your parents.

Answer 7

why is it so hard for people to leave a situation alone one someone has asked to be Left alone . everyone is not made to rescue everyone most of us from time to time we go through things and for most of us the best remedy is to be left alone during this time if we need you we know how to reach out some people need to alone time for thinking and going over thoughts in there mind and it has nothing to do with the ones we love . so when your loved ones or friends are going through something and they asked to be left alone don't take it as he is pushing me out or he is being mean . just take it for what it really is ME time and nothing more. sit back and let him go through what he is going though and when he is ready he is gonna come around . don't you be the one to push him away ( you did not even think of it that way did you. you might be getting on his nerves just by wanting to help you could be making things worst just be there for him when he needs you.) he knows your there and that's all that matters. your putting way to much into this.

Answer 8

long-distance relationships are tenuous at best. Best thing you can do is either get him to move to Florida with you or, as bad as it may seem, take him seriously and leave him alone. He will either sort out his problems and come back to you or you will both move on during the break. It may seem harsh but if he is having a problem with the relationship due to outside factors then put it on hold or drop it.

Answer 9

Find someone local. Really.
If not give him space. If you crowd him you will be single again fast. Let him chase you. Women tend to think way too much or read too much into stuff like this. Maybe he just wants Mom to make him a snacky while he plays a little X-Box in his old room, nothing more than that. He knows where you are and what your status is and how much you care. Ride it out and let him be.

Answer 10

Let me just respond from my vantage point, having no knowledge of the emotional aspect of your relationship and knowing very little about the history. I think you are asking if you should continue a relationship with a guy who has no job, lives with his mother, can be great, but is also moody, and doesn't seem to communicate very well. I would say that would be unwise. But take that for what its worth, just my impression.

Answer 11

Its really nobody’s fault. Hes just going through a tough time right now. Sometimes us guys need to be left alone to regroup. I’m sure once things get better for him, things will go back the way they were. Just give it a little bit of time.