When I met my husband, my mother in law took a dislike to me, she was very nasty with the things she said and did, and put me down to all her side of the family...
She made me depressed, I could not sleep, I was crying alot.....I seeked advice with a councillor who let me see things more clearly.....He told me it was her that was unhappy.........I am usually a strong character but she knocked me, I wasn't used to not getting along with people, when I had my baby she complained about everything I did, even though she was a perfectly behaved baby so there was nothing to get wrong....
Now I am strong again, I can't forgive her, I will go to family gatherings and exchange pleasantries but that is as much as I can do ..............Am I wrong??? She wants us to go away next year on holiday with her and the thought fills me with dread, I don't want to go........
Also I lost a baby and she told everyone I had done it on purpose etc
2006-12-07 07:10:42 · 34 answers · asked by xXx Orange Breezer xXx 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She does not think I am good enough for her son......But she was the same with her other sons wife and her daughters two husbands......
She likes to be the centre of attention in there life,
2006-12-07 07:13:01 · update #1
My husband has stuck up for me on several occasions as a result there relationship is not very close.......She does not listen though, I just bite my tongue, I know I'm a good mum,
2006-12-07 07:22:19 · update #2
hun...don't go on holiday with someone who makes you miserable...she is out of order making you feel depressed like that, she's the one with the problems...not you...just because she is a miseable old boot, don't give her the rights to make you miserable with her...just ban her from your home if she makes you feel that bad, if she asks why...then tell her what a nasty ol woman she really is and you refuse to have people like her around you...i too had a witch of a MIL too...and i point blank refused her anywhere near me and my kids eventually, i used to be scared of her till i saw what a little coward she really was...it's not you who's bad...it's her, no woman is good enough for her son so no matter how hard you try...she will always find something to snide about...rise above it and stand up to her.,....don't let her bully you...if she asks you to go on holiday...just say no...if she asks why then tell her it's because of her......don't be scared...just say it....saying that you lost your baby on purpose is a terrible thing to say....i could never forgive anyone who said that to me...just don't open your door to her any more...who wants people like her in your life....talk to your hubby and tell him how you feel, but don't fall out with him because of it...this is what she wants...this woman needs to have a taste of her own medicine...my ex MIL was one horrible nasty person and i used to be scared of her until i stood up to her..she soon shut her mouth...i am so glad she's an ex now...lord knows what i would have done if she had have continued her trail of destruction...stand up to her....don't let her drag you down...and yes....refuse to go on holiday...she can't make you....good luck
2006-12-07 08:29:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
she sounds alot like my mother in law. Very selfish and likes control but when she feels she loses it to someone she doesn't particularly care about she gets nasty. I just got married 3 months ago and I am seeing another side to my mother in law not that i didn't see her selfishness before. We have been together 6 years. Since we got married our first thanksgiving as a married couple was a total bummer for my husband. My mother in law got into a fight with my husband the night before basiclly over the fact that we would be eating our main dinner at my mothers (we ate at my mother in laws the last 2 years). She wanted us to eat at her house because she prepared so much food and she claims we always run out on her(not true).She told us to not even bother to come to come next year so she can have the whole thanksgin to herself. I said no way I told her how I thought it was important to be with both sides for the holidays and we will rotate where we eat our main meal each year to make it fair. She didn't like that. She wanted to switch off one year her house the next my moms. I said I will not do that. I had my husband explain to her that we are a married couple now and we will make our own ecisions for the holidays and if she didn't like it then I would start doing the holidays at our house so we would avoid this conflict and she didn't like that. She doesn't want any part of my family. She is jeltous of the relationship my husband has with my mother and father. Ohhh well she is a bitter woman and she is divorced for about 15 years and she is still bitter about that so can you see the type of woman she is
2006-12-08 02:43:28 · answer #2 · answered by BabyDolll128 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unforgiveness will only hurt you. What she did was wrong but that is in the past and she will never be able to pay for what she did. If I had borrowed money from you and I couldn't pay you back because I didn't have the money you could throw me in jail but that would not give you back the money. Similarly you are keeping your mother in law in jail by not forgiving her, it doesn't give you back what she took when she hurt you. So let it go and move on. Living in the past ruins today and tommorrow. It doesn't fix the past it just adds to your misery by stealing more from you.
Write a list of all that she did and work through each item on the list by yourself and say out loud that you choose to forgive her for that thing. You may be crying or whatever but that is ok it releases the pain. Then let it go once and for all. Holding it just nurtures it. When you have finished flush the list or burn it.
It is over. Be the better person by forgiving and being kind.
2006-12-07 07:20:12 · answer #3 · answered by JAM 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I don't believe you are wrong for feeling the way that you do about her. I would not go anywhere with her, especially a family vacation. She will talk about you for not going but think of it this way. She will talk about you if you do go, she will say how mean you were and that you didn't talk to her and how hard she tries to get along with you. I know I was in the same situation a few years ago. Thank goodness for me, my ex and I didn't have kids though. And if she has gone so far as to accuse you of an intentional miscarriage shes more than just mean shes sick in the head and I wouldn't waste my time trying to make peace with her. You can love your spouse and not be expected to love your mother in law. Give her a choice without saying it..get along or get over it. You know you aren't the bad person here so don't let her family guilt ruin your life.
2006-12-07 07:22:59 · answer #4 · answered by omegalibra927 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I wish I could say I know how you feel but I get on so well with my mother-in-law, I call her "mum".
Sounds like she just doesn't want her children to be happy and has never (and will never) get over the fact that they flew the nest! Maybe you should have it out with her once and for all, tell her how you feel but write it in a letter, it'll be much easier and she won't be able to turn it into an argument.
For the sake of your husband and child/ren, I'd at least give it one more go to build bridges.
2006-12-07 07:19:12 · answer #5 · answered by Chezza 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She's just a miserable old woman who sees that it is her right to look after her baby boys. In her mind, she is doing nothing wrong. You are like an intruder to her family. This probably won't change, so it's something that you will have to just put up with. Be the better person by being pleasant and have fun and interact with other family members. Avoid her as much as possible. What does your hubby have to say about this? Or is he too afraid to say anything to her about her behavior?
2006-12-07 07:18:20 · answer #6 · answered by Suga 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Live for you and your husband and baby. Try to always be pleasant to her, but do not go out of your way! As far as going away on Holiday, I would say NO. If this woman has caused you to have to seek a councilor, then why would you spend extended time with her? Your husband should not even expect this of you! Simply put, think about your own feelings in this matter first. If your husband chooses to go away with her on Holiday, let him! Then, it sounds like you and your husband will need to go to counseling next!
Good luck!
2006-12-07 07:16:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
WellI know how you feel!! 1st forgive that does not meen you are best buddies.But make sure you stay true to yourself and you Husband and kids.Be polite to her,when she starts to put you down let her no know about it and how it makes you feel.Also discuss it with your Husband and make sure he knows how much it bothers you.As for the trip well it is your call it may break the ice with you 2.Just treat her the way you would want to be treated. This will teach you how not to be with your Son and Daughter in laws when your children get married.Good Luck
2006-12-07 07:22:45 · answer #8 · answered by Dew 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your MIL sounds like a very toxic person. You did right to go to counseling to understand the dynamics of the relationship with her.
What I'm wondering: where is your husband, her son, in all of this? You are the person he should love and care about more than anyone else in the world. Hasn't he made clear to his mother that she either treats you with courtesy and respect, or he severs his relationship with her? It seems to me that it's his job to set the boundaries on your and his relationship with the momster: she either toes the line as far as respecting any boundaries that are set, or she doesn't see her son's family.
Maybe you need to go back to counseling and take your husband with you. He ought to not let his mother make his wife miserable. And it seems to me that there should be no question of going on holiday with your MIL: tell her "no," and stick to it.
Good luck.
2006-12-07 07:18:52 · answer #9 · answered by Karin C 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No you aren't wrong considering how mean she has been to you. Just keep things as they are just be pleasant because you have to and don't go on holiday with you. I believe that if you do she will use it against you at a later date and she could well say that you did things while you were away with them when you didn't.
Tell your husband that you would rather not go on holiday with his mother, and tell him that nothing will change your mind on thi matter. Just avoid her as much as you can and carry on being a good wife and mother
2006-12-07 07:36:15 · answer #10 · answered by Baps . 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This woman has some SERIOUS ISSUES!!!!
Do not go away with her. Tell your husband to stand up to his mother and basically tell her that enough is enough.
I had a similar issue with my mother - but no kids were involved and my fiancee was the only one that she targeted because she's more independent than my other 3 sister-in-laws. If he doesn't help you, the problem will get worse.
Also...this problem will never get better...sorry....the best thing you can do is limit the contact you'll have with this evil woman.
2006-12-07 07:16:11 · answer #11 · answered by Lancer 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋