My boyfriend of one year has told me he wanted to get married but he "wanted to do it right". He wants to buy me an engagement ring and get married soon. But, today I found out I'm getting some unexpected money(a large amount) and could not wait to call him. Well, he busted my bubble when he said, "we can get married really soon then, I can just use that money to buy you a ring". I was shocked, but I told him, if that's how you want it, forget it, the ring is not that important for me to have to buy it. I should explain that we have lived together for 8 mos and I'm divorced from a guy who I had to buy my own engagement ring because he did not have a strong work history and was always working for just temp agencies. since i made more money and wanted one i bought it. but i have always put that on the "list" of stupid things i did i that 2 year marriage. my boyfriend has always been a good provider, but he can be "tight". i feel completely devasted. or maybe i'm just carrying baggage.
2006-12-07 06:23:30 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Save the unexpected money for the wedding. Make him buy you a ring. If you are going to be married forever, waiting for the ring shouldn't matter.
2006-12-07 06:27:26 · answer #1 · answered by missmiranda212 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
If your boyfriend is a "good provider", how come he can't afford a ring to begin with? They have payment plans, he doesn't have to dish out the whole amount up front. Also, if you have ANY say at all in what kind of ring you want - you don't need to demand a huge and expensive one; you can get a nice ring for under $1,000, and this is not a large sum of money for anyone with a decent job. If he's so tight he can't spare a reasonable sum on something that is important to you, perhaps it's a warning of the things to come in the future. Take note of it and decide whether or not you are prepared to deal with more of the same in your marriage.
On the other hand... If you're living together and are going to get married - what does it matter where the money for the ring comes from, anyway? Unless you're planning to do the "yours" and "mine" stuff forever, start by thinking "ours". I don't think you should spend the "extra" money on the ring - but why not just take some of "your" (meaning yours and your b/f's) money and pick out a ring together? You are a team. I agree that his suggestion was a bit insensitive, but I don't think he meant any harm.
2006-12-07 06:41:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
WARNING: You should sit down and think long and hard about whether you really want to marry this guy. Some people think an engagement ring isn't a big deal, but it is in one important way: It shows just how much the woman means to the man. Think of it this way: If a man wants to spend the rest of his life with you, doesn't that mean you're worth some extra work and saving up so he can buy you a ring of engagement? It would be one thing if you told him early on that an engagement ring is no big deal for you -- in that case he would be honoring your wishes by not getting you a ring or by spending less on a ring. And it would be another thing if HE was the one who got the unexpected windfall and decided to spend it on an engagement ring for you. That's not the case here. That's YOUR money, and YOU should be the one who decides what to do with it. More importantly, it's pretty darn presumptuous of him to expect that HE can take some money that was given to YOU and buy you an engagement ring. Uh-uh. Wrong answer. He needs to stick a crowbar into his own wallet and stump up the cash for your engagement ring. If he really loves you and really wants to marry you then he needs to prove it by showing you're worth "doing it right" for. Using money that was given to you to buy the ring is NOT doing it right.
2006-12-07 06:44:04 · answer #3 · answered by sarge927 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it's both your history and your new guy that are bothering you. I think maybe you need to do some serious soul searching and decide whether this guy is right for you. It sounds like he might be a step up from the last one, but is it far enough? Maybe you need a man who is generous or a better provider or both? Do you really want to marry a guy who is "tight"? I wouldn't. But then again, if money is not important to you and you love him and he's right in other ways, then maybe you should wait and see if he buys you a nice one on his own. I don't think you should spend your own money because this is an important thing to you. It's symbolic and your guy should make it right for you. Let him know how you feel and why you feel that way. If he's not willing to buy it with his own cash you know what to do.
2006-12-07 06:29:13 · answer #4 · answered by pamgissa 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay, first of all most of your money will presumably be shared soon anyway so you should start planning together. I don't think it is wrong for both people to contribute to the engagement ring, but probably there is a limit if the woman is providing all the money. I suggest that you match what he can afford -- you'll get a better ring and you'll know he made some sacrifice for it.
2006-12-07 06:35:20 · answer #5 · answered by Julian A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, you have to look at this in two ways.... Yes its "your" money, but then again if your really serious about being with him forever, then it should be "both" your guys money. This is the way I see it, If you really want to get married, and you know in your heart he is the one, then why not use the money for your wedding. IE that can pay for the wedding now he can buy the ring. Let him know that now that you both have this money it can go towards the wedding and now he doesn't have to worry about a ring and a wedding, just the ring.
2006-12-07 06:53:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A ring is material and you can't just "buy" love. Seriously hold that money for a dress and a memorable wedding. I know where you are coming from. I had a sucky first marriage, had to buy my own rings too and the wedding was nothing not even memorable. Now I am engaged again, I could careless. We don't want fancy wedding even tho it would be nice. All that counts is the joining of two people who are in love and want to be together for the rest of their lives.
2006-12-07 06:34:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This might be helpful to you. My best friend was in the same situation as you. Her Bf could not buy a ring at the time. so what he did was to buy her a CZ ring. the ring was very beautiful and looked "real". than on their first wedding ann he bought her the real thing. she still wears the CZ on her right hand. just an idea. If i was you i would not buy my self a ring. Just a thought. hope all goes well with you Hun.
2006-12-07 06:33:00 · answer #8 · answered by carriec 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok on one hand I would be happy that the first thing he thinks of is getting married to you. On the other hand I would be like ok your the one who is suppose to buy the ring. Just tell him that you have other plans for the money. Or r just hint that you wanted him to pick out the ring and surprise you.I wouldnt worry about who buys the ring. Afer all after your married most likely you'll be sharing your finances anyway right?
2006-12-07 06:31:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sound to me like you may have a bit of trouble stumbling upon "Mr. Right". No way can you buy your own engagement ring, and why is he telling you "we can get married real soon". This sounds completely childish! He needs to buy you the ring and he needs to be discreet about it and surprise you. Honestly sounds like you may even be worried about what ring he would get you anyway. I hate how so many girls are so blatantly materialistic and take the pure romance out of engagements and weddings!
2006-12-07 08:21:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No sweetie, you already have made that mistake, don't do it again.
Sure, you are carrying bagagge, but you know better than to do that again!Is his resposability to buy the ring and YOU ARE WORTH of him doing the right thing and making the sacrifices.
He is being cheap and you need to drow the line and tell him that you will use that money towards a down payment on a house after you guys get married, or going to to use that money on our wedding day.
That would do it! he will get the hint... Oh boy! He didn't GO THERE!
Good luck
2006-12-07 07:31:09 · answer #11 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋